“Why do you hate him so much?” Lana asked, before she could think better of it.
Belix shot her a sharp look, an odd expression crossing her aristocratically beautiful features. “Oh, you sweet, sweet girl . . . you don't understand nearly enough about the universe for me to even begin answering that question. And I'd be doing you a favor by not even trying.”
* * * * *
Lana didn't see Dax at lunch, and for once Belix actually took training her seriously and worked her hard for her entire duty shift. And also for once, she was so occupied fretting about whatever this unresolved issue was with the young man that she was distracted and barely heard a word of what the elfin woman said.
She headed to the galley early for dinner, though, hoping to catch him. And, after eating most of one of her few remaining delicious meals from what he'd bought for her at Midpoint, she did.
Literally had to catch him, that is; Dax strode into the galley and started for his locker, then caught sight of her and, in a completely uncharacteristic move, turned right around and tried to walk out again.
Oh no, you don't. Lana abandoned the rest of her food and hurried to catch up to him, walking along at his side as he made his way back towards the bridge. After a dozen steps it became clear he wasn't going to say anything, so she grit her teeth determinedly and spoke up.
“You know, it's rude to ignore someone just because you're mad at them.” No response, so she tried a teasing question she'd heard Velsie say to a friend yesterday. “What are you, five years old?”
Dax actually stumbled, even though the corridor was clear, then turned to look at her with wide eyes. But after a moment his expression became neutral again and he kept walking. “Ah, that's a common taunt used by young people. I thought . . .”
Whatever it was he thought, he didn't say, because the moment they entered the bridge he clammed up and made a beeline for his station.
Lana made an exasperated noise and followed him. Nobody else was on the bridge at the moment, so she felt like she could speak her mind. “Okay fine, be like that.” She reached into her uniform's belt pouch, pulling out the cauterizer he'd given her and holding it out for him. “But if I could interrupt your sulking for a second, I wanted to give this back to you.”
The young man paused and turned, staring at the weapon in her hand, but made no move to reach for it. “I don't take back gifts,” he finally said. “Besides, you'll be even more likely to find yourself in situations where you'll need it, now. I can show you how to use it in full immersion.”
Lana lowered her arm, feeling her face flush at the unspoken accusation in his reply. “So you really are angry about me not staying on the planet.”
Dax lifted his eyes to meet hers, thoughtful. “It was your decision to make. Why would I be angry about it?”
“Well you're acting differently, so you obviously feel something.” She stepped closer, resting her other hand on his arm. “Will you tell me?”
He became super disciplined, the way he did when uncomfortable. “How I feel doesn't matter, only how I act.”
“I'm your friend, it matters to me.” Still, the young man hesitated, and Lana looked deep into his green eyes. “Or are you saying you're unable to get angry?”
The young man slowly shook his head. “No, I can get angry. I feel everything any other human feels, just as strongly as they do. But I don't let it show . . . I always stay in control.”
Lana found herself getting unexpectedly annoyed at how stubborn he was being. “There's control and then there's control. Sure, we all appreciate that you don't go into screaming rages and throw things around, but would it kill you to smile when you're happy, or laugh when you hear something funny?”
Dax stared back, hints of discomfort relaxing into the suggestion of confusion. “What purpose would that serve?”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, for one thing, I read this interesting thing about how humans are actually social animals, and most of our interactions are nonverbal. How am I supposed to know how you feel if you won't let me see?”
“Oh.” His eyes bored into hers, deep unfathomable wells. “How would it help you to know?”
Lana withdrew her hand in exasperation. “Because I want to know if you're angry so we can talk about it! I want to know if you're happy so I can celebrate with you! I want to know if you're sad so I can cheer you up! I want to know-” she nearly choked on the words, then forced herself to continue, “if you like me.”
Iron self-control or not, the young man's eyes widened slightly at that. “Like you?”
She was too embarrassed to elaborate, especially when she wasn't sure what she felt for him or how she wanted him to feel about her. So she steered him back to the original subject. “That's why I want to know how you feel about me staying on the ship after all.”
Dax continued to look into her eyes, expression unreadable. “I wish you'd stayed on Callous,” he finally said quietly. She sucked in a sharp breath, deeply hurt, until he continued. “I would've missed you more than I could say, but at least I'd know you were safe there. That you had some hope of a normal life. A good life, something better than what we have here. You deserve that.”
Tears abruptly sprang into Lana's eyes, and on impulse she threw her arms around the young man and buried her face in his chest. It felt comfortingly solid against her cheek, as did his arms when he hesitantly lifted them to wrap around her.
“I
