“I’ve thought the same about Eddie. I mean, I know we didn’t lose him entirely, but—”
“Don’t worry, darling, I’m not in the business of comparing who suffered the most and who lost the most. At least Frank’s at peace. Your Eddie got to come home but he has to remember it. I don’t know which is the best, really.”
Evelyn was moved by Lilian’s understanding of her sense of loss. She crouched quietly, still holding Lilian’s hand and trying not to let the urge to cry overwhelm her.
Eventually, Lilian broke the silence. “I’ll be all right. Do drink the rest of your tea, won’t you.” Lilian smiled at Evelyn and gestured to the chair she’d been sitting in previously. Evelyn returned to her chair and drained the remainder of her tea, nodding as Lilian offered to pour her another cup. “I don’t think any of us will ever really get over the war, will we?” Lilian sat back in her chair and looked at Evelyn thoughtfully. Her face was pale and her eyes rimmed with red.
“I don’t think so. How can we? Everything changed,” Evelyn said.
“It’s been such a long time now. I mean, I certainly don’t think about it every day. And I’ve got used to the fact that Frank isn’t here. But I’ve never really grieved and moved on, like they say you’re supposed to. I can’t help the anger, the sadness, that it even happened in the first place. And those idiots who go on about the glory of it. It didn’t do anything except kill a lot of our men. And their men too. No one won, if you ask me.”
“I know what you mean.” Evelyn was startled by Lilian, even while she found herself in agreement. People in West Coombe did not tend to be so blunt about their feelings. The war had been accepted as in the country’s best interests against a sinister foe. If people questioned it, as the death toll had mounted, they did it quietly, at home. They certainly didn’t share their views with complete strangers. And yet Evelyn found it liberating to be able to talk as freely as Lilian. “I’ve always been angry too. It doesn’t seem like they were fighting for anything, really. And I’m not sure anything’s worth all that death and destruction.”
“Nothing can be worth it.” Lilian sighed. “And how do we know it won’t happen again? I find I’m frightened of losing everything, whenever I stop for a moment, if I sit and think about life. If I can lose Frank, if so many people can lose someone they loved, how do we know it won’t all be taken away in a moment?”
“I know exactly what you mean.” Evelyn agreed enthusiastically, relieved to finally find someone who shared her sense of fear. “And it makes you think that you shouldn’t waste a day, but somehow you don’t know exactly how you should use those days either. You feel you should make the most, but it’s so hard to actually do it.”
“Yes, that’s it.” Lilian smiled at Evelyn. “I see I don’t need to explain it to you.”
“No. But I’m so happy you understand. No one in West Coombe seemed to.”
“Really? I’d have thought the war would’ve touched you more there, in a small town.”
“Oh, it’s not that the war didn’t touch us. It’s just that people carry on with life in the same way as they did before. Nothing really changes. It’s like they soak up the loss quietly and just move on, doing the same thing day in, day out. It’s so frustrating.”
“And here in London we seem so very desperate to get over it. To do anything other than what our parents did before. To be young and honour the men who didn’t get to be. Hard to say which approach is best, really, don’t you think?”
Evelyn pondered Lilian’s words. “At least you acknowledge that there was a war,” she said, finally.
“Well, we do try to forget, of course. Quite successfully.” Lilian managed a smile, though there was a tired look in her eyes. Silence descended again, as both women sipped their tea. “So, tell me, what are you doing in London?”
“What do you mean?” Evelyn asked, surprised. “I’m not doing anything, other than bringing you the letter.” Evelyn felt as though it was a lie, even though, on the surface, she told the truth.
“You came all this way? Couldn’t you have posted it?” Lilian’s questions betrayed curiosity, not suspicion now.
“I could’ve done. But you know, you could’ve moved and it could’ve meant the letter was lost. I wanted to be sure that didn’t happen. And, well, I wanted to see London too, of course.”
“So not an entirely unselfish act then? Oh, don’t look so worried, I’m glad. I’d feel awfully uncomfortable if you were an entirely selfless angel, descended into my terribly selfish world! So what do you think of London so far?”
Lilian seemed to have forgotten most of her sadness, and Evelyn was glad, encouraged by her good natured questions. “I’ve not seen much of it. Just Paddington Station and what I saw from the cab. But it seems very exciting and interesting. And big, even bigger than I expected.”
“Oh, London’s just the tops, I can tell you. I spent a good part of my life at a school out in the sticks in Kent and I’m happy to be in the city. You can always find someone to spend an evening with in London.”
“I can imagine…” Evelyn realised that such a thing had never really been a consideration in her life.
“No, darling, you can’t imagine.” Lilian’s smile was broad, her twinkling eyes hinting at a world far beyond Evelyn’s imagination. “No one can, until they’ve really seen it. So, where are you staying?”
Evelyn felt her face flush. “I was hoping to ask your advice on that. I do have some money and I obviously
