His parents nod.
“I miss him,” I add, and as soon as I say it, I realize just how much I really do. Until we were thirteen, I had a wingman. I had someone to laugh with about everything, someone who was there for me and who I never needed to be anything other than me with. Nate was my best friend, and we were unstoppable, until we … weren’t.
His dad gestures towards the house. “So, um, what’s going on with him?”
I shake my head. “He’s in the foulest of moods.”
“Is it Tariq-related?”
“I think, yes, it is.” I am not going to elaborate.
His mum sighs and shakes her head. “That terrible boy. Nate wouldn’t really say much about it – just that he was secretly seeing some other shameful individual.”
“Otherwise known as my boyfriend,” I say.
“Oh,” she says, flushing in the cheeks.
“Well, ex-boyfriend now.”
She nods. “Sorry, I didn’t realize he … so, you didn’t know—”
“Correct. I found out at the prom too. It was a great night. One to remember.”
“That’s terrible,” his mum says. “You poor boys.” She steps closer to me. “And how are you holding up?”
I open my mouth, but no words come out.
“Came as a shock, I imagine?” she continues.
My throat tightens, and I nod, panic shooting through my veins because I can feel myself about to lose it.
“It’s OK, you don’t have to talk about it.”
“It’s not that I mind talking, it’s just that Nate won’t,” I say.
“That’s Nate all over,” his dad says.
I glance at the camper van and the boxes over the drive, keen to talk about something else. “Are you going somewhere?”
“Kind of a freewheeling road trip,” Nate’s dad says.
His mum clears her throat. “Can you stop telling everyone that, Mick? Most of the neighbours already think this is part of a midlife crisis.”
“A road trip with a bit of structure,” his dad concedes.
“Well, with quite a lot of structure because it’s ultimately a perfectly ordinary planned family holiday that normal people would have, and, yes, we could have gone to the stunning south of France like Jean from reception, but we simply chose not to, probably out of concern for the environment.” She gives Nate’s dad a tight smile. “Right, dear?”
“Right, dear,” he replies. He turns to me. “Getting a head start on the packing because we’re off in a couple of days. Well, we are. Nate’s still saying he’s not coming, last we heard.”
I break into a wide smile. “Nate being unenthusiastic? How unusual!”
They both laugh.
Then Nate’s dad turns to his mum and sort of cocks his head towards me, at which she raises her eyebrows, and then nods.
“Jack,” his dad says, rubbing his hands together. “Got a little proposal for you.”
CHAPTER TEN
Nate
I’m so angry. I’m angry with Tariq for doing this to me. I’m angry with Jack for making it worse. And I’m angry with myself for being so utterly stupid in the first place. Guys like me are better off just keeping our heads down and getting through life as best we can, maybe occasionally being thrown a scrap of something that isn’t completely horrible, awkward, or unfortunate. Romance? Actually dating someone? Big announcements in front of classmates? What was I thinking?
Meanwhile, everyone can just go to hell.
Especially Jack.
I slam my bedroom door, whip my curtains closed, whack my headphones on, crash on my bed, squeeze my eyes tight shut and blast “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at an obscene, eardrum-shattering volume.
Do not judge me on my song choice.
I think about Tariq, forensically analysing his every facial expression and body language from this morning. Is there a part of him that’s regretting this whole thing? Does he still like me? Before I can think better of it, I do it. I message him:
Hey.
And after thirty seconds that feels like thirty hours, he replies:
Hey.
Nate: I’m sorry about Jack earlier.
Tariq: No worries.
Nate: So I guess I’m not your boyfriend any more? I just wondered what I did wrong?
Tariq: You did nothing wrong, Nate. It was all me, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But, I guess… We were always kind of hiding. And that’s cool, I know you weren’t ready to tell people, but I wanted to get out there and live life. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this, but Dylan just made me feel like I could. I hope we can still be friends.
Nate: That’s OK.
Wow. I put my phone on airplane mode and crank the music volume up. After the original song, there are five remix versions, which gives me ample time to dwell on the fact that, once again, I find myself watching everyone else doing their thing and getting on, while I sit quietly at the sidelines, wishing, so hard and so much, that I could do the same. Nate Harrison: a masterclass on missing out on life. Maybe this whole thing was my fault? I feel like I don’t ever want to open my eyes again, just lie here and shut it all out, but I eventually let my eyes drift open and there’s Jack standing at the foot of my bed, grinning demonically.
“ARGH! Get out!” I scream, flinging my headphones off, and sitting bolt upright. “How did you get in?”
Why the hell can’t he leave me alone? Why is he intent on making everything a million times worse? I would have quite happily skulked at the back at the orientation today. It would have been shit, but at least everyone would soon have forgotten about me. But, no! He has to make it all about him. It’s all about Jack! Jack, Jack, bloody Jack!
“‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’?” Jack says. “I’d know that bass line anywhere.”
“Get. Out. Why are you here?”
“I’ve been talking with your folks.”
I glare at him.
“We have a proposal.”
I open my mouth to give it to him, but—
“Please do not
