“Sitting on your bed, surrounded by wank tissues, crying at Instagram.”
He looks up at me and takes a deep, unsteady breath. “Sudocrem!” he barks at me. “I have a patch of eczema!”
“Right, well, as fabulous as all that sounds, I think we can do one better.”
He looks at me with dead eyes.
“We’ll have an amazing summer too.”
“Bullshit. How?”
“OK,” I say. “So, this has literally just occurred to me—”
“We’re not doing the thing with my parents.”
“And I think doing the thing with your parents is the perfect opportunity.”
“Brilliant.” He looks like he’s about to cry again.
But I reckon this is possibly my best idea ever. A way to wipe the smug smile off Dylan’s face, to show the world I’ve moved on… And, hey, maybe even to gain enough followers to finally launch myself as an influencer and have some brands want me to review their new cosmetics or herbal teabags. I’m going to get over this thing, and if I’m getting over it, I’m bringing Nate with me, kicking and screaming, if I have to. It might have been three years since we were properly friends, but I’m not going to leave him behind, wallowing in his grief, unhappy and unloved. Nate deserves better than that.
“Hear me out,” I tell him. “Social media is a lie. We all know it, but we all buy into it anyway. Instagram is only ever the highlights reel, right? Famous for it. It’s the best bits, carefully curated to make the world think you’re happy, successful, or whatever. And, believe me, you can dress up pretty much anything to look fabulous. Things can look fabulous, when really they’re…” I swallow and glance away briefly.
“They’re not?” Nate offers.
“Huh? Exactly!” I give him a huge smile. “Highlights reel, baby! This has every chance of being the worst summer road trip ever, with your parents, of all things. But we could make it look amazing … if we fake it! Me and you, on the road together! How do our followers know that road is really the A46 to the arse-end of nowhere? Having the time of our lives! If we say we are, then it must be true, right? What better way to show Dylan and Tariq—”
Nate groans and throws himself back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“What better way to show everyone that Jack and Nate are happier than ever before? Happier, out there, living life!”
Nate carries on staring at the ceiling, chewing his lip. “Happier, out there, living life?”
“Right!” I say.
Nate sits up again, a look of determination on his face. My eyes widen in anticipation.
“No,” he mutters finally.
I sigh. I feel my whole body deflate.
“Not just a highlights reel. If we’re gonna do it, it’s got to be the best. The most epic highlights reel ever.”
Mum is characteristically unconcerned about the fact I’ve packed a load of bags and am clearly leaving the house.
“I’m going on a summer road trip,” I tell her.
She doesn’t look up from the piles of papers she’s sifting through on the dining table. “Sounds lovely.”
“Uh-huh.”
I wait to see if there’s any more – I don’t know, some parental objection, some questions – but there isn’t.
“So, yes,” I continue, “I’m basically just going with these two middle-aged blokes I met hanging around the children’s play park?”
“Mmm…”
“One of them isn’t actually allowed to drive after he lost his license, but the other one is fine to, as long as he’s had a few drinks to stop his hands shaking at the wheel.”
“Yup…”
“They’ve asked me to take as many packets of Sudafed as I can lay my hands on, but I guess they’re just worried about nasal congestion, right?”
Mum looks up at me. “Nate’s mum called me last night, but very amusing, Jack.”
“Huh.”
“Sounds like a nice idea. I didn’t realize you and Nate were still friends.”
“Well, we’re … we’re not, really. I mean, I don’t think. Not like we used to be.”
Mum nods. “Sounds dreary. I’ve put some money in your account.”
“Amazing. Thank you.”
She taps her pen up and down on the table. “If by any chance you’re passing near Norwich, why don’t you message your cousin and see if he’s about?”
“Elliot? Pourquoi?”
Mum shrugs, which is a super-suspicious reaction from her. “He’s your cousin, and you haven’t seen him for a couple of years.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Be nice for you all to hang out, maybe. Do whatever it is teenage boys get up to.”
“OK, you made that sound a lot more gross than was necessary,” I say.
Mum flicks her eyes to mine. “All I’m saying is, I spoke to Jane last night and I think Elliot might appreciate spending a little time with you.”
The cogs in my head turn. “Ohhhhhh. Is he a gay boy now?”
“Well,” Mum says, hesitating just enough that I know it’s true.
“Elliot’s come out?”
“You know, that’s not completely what Jane said, but reading between the lines…”
“What lines? What’s he done?”
“Taken up the ukulele and joined an LGBT youth group.”
“OK, only one of those things is indicative of him definitely being gay, Mum – he might have gone to the youth group simply to support a friend.”
“Anyway,” Mum says. “If you’re passing.”
“Sure.” I check the time on my phone. “OK, they’ll be here in a minute. I love you, I’ll be careful, I won’t drink, I won’t do drugs, I won’t have sex.”
Mum rolls her eyes and gets up to give me a hug. “Have fun.”
“OK.”
“Call me.”
“OK, but also we’re Instagramming the whole thing.”
Mum frowns. “Seriously, just text me occasionally to confirm you’re not dead – you don’t need to add me to some account you’d probably rather keep private.”
“No, this account is public. Very much so. That’s kinda the point. It’s not the secret one that I use to share deeply inappropriate content with strangers.” I grin at her. “@TheHeartbreakBoys, because, you know, overcoming hurt, angst and torment is what the people want. Living our best lives to get revenge
