“Well, you’ve looked better, I must say,” Richard quipped, kneeling down in front of me.
“I’d like to fucking think so,” I said, glowering and revealing my mottled arm.
He made a face and sucked in air.
“Looks nasty,” he commented absently.
“What the hell is going on Richard?” I asked, trying not to allow my lip to quiver.
He glanced away, then set his eyes back on me. His eyes were wide, deep and full of endless possibilities – but I noted a hardness there now too. Had it always been there? Maybe those eyes had just been like a mirror reflecting the softness of other people’s. Maybe they had always been hard and thin themselves.
He lowered his voice, “I’m supposed to be over here, trying to convince you to tell us what you’ve done with the rest of the stuff.”
“I didn’t take anything!” I snapped, “You know that.”
“Calm down,” he said, gesturing with two hands.
“Fucksake Richard, what’s going on? I haven’t done anything.”
Then his face turned so ugly it nearly made me wretch.
“I know that. And you know that. But they don’t,” he said, leaving it hanging.
“What are you talking about? Fucking tell them then.”
“Now why would I want to do that?”
“To save my life Richard.”
“Like I said, now why would I want to do that?”
I’m sure my bottom lip hit the floor. He continued to stare at me, a smile curling at the side of his mouth. He was perfectly calm. It was coldly threatening how glib he was being about everything.
“I haven’t done anything wrong,” I repeated vainly.
“Now that’s not really true, is it Victoria?”
His tone was nasty.
“Yes it fucking is!”
“No, you were responsible for my husband’s death.”
“You were the one who fucking hit him Richard. You’re the one who finished him off too – and the one who wanted to hide him. What the fuck?”
My heart was racing again. My instinct was to jump up and start to hit him with everything I had left in me. That would only have had one outcome – one woman against four strong men. I had known inside really that Richard mustn’t be a friend anymore, that he had some part in this. But the stark revelation of it was still unnerving.
“None of us would have ended up in that situation if it wasn’t for you. It all started with you, Vicky. If not for you, Ivan wouldn’t have had any reason to get angry.”
“Well excuse me for going on holiday.”
“No Vicky, not that,” he answered crisply, his nostrils flaring. Now I could see that he was trying to mask some of his own feelings, just under the surface.
“You could have broken up our marriage – before it even happened!” he spat.
“Are you talking about our quick roll in the hay? What the hell?”
Then he struck me. It took me by surprise. It was a backhanded slap and it was hard. His face didn’t alter. My cheek flushed and my ear buzzed from where he had caught it.
“Fuck you,” he whispered.
“No – fuck you Richard!” I hissed.
“As I was saying – you could have wrecked everything after leading me on that day.”
“Leading you on? Get a grip of yourself – I didn’t exactly rape you – now did I?”
“And then you stole from us.”
That hung in the air too and I said nothing.
“You fuck me, just before I’m due to get married and then you steal from us. That was lovely to come back from honeymoon to.”
There was silence. There was nothing I could say to that. He kept his eyes fixed on me.
“I’m sorry for that,” I said weakly.
Then it struck me. They had been a mark for me. Yes, I’d had sex with Richard and God knows I regretted it. But primarily, Richard had been just another mark. That’s not something I can be proud of, but I know I would never do anything like it again. But to Richard I was a mark. I was a mark on his pinstriped suit – a stain. Something that needed bleached away. Or maybe I was a mark on hospital scan. A tiny thing that turned out to be a tumour. And Richard wanted me to be cut out.
“It’s too late for apologies. Ivan knew about us – I don’t know – somehow – he just sensed that I had been with you. I don’t know how. He was smart. Then he was convinced that somehow you had been behind the robbery too. I agreed with him on that. He wanted to have you taken care of – but I wouldn’t allow it. It drove a wedge between us.”
“I didn’t know – how could I know?” I said, “I’m sorry – yes we stole a few things – I’m so sorry for it, you probably don’t believe me. But surely I didn’t deserve all of this?” I said, holding both hands aloft.
“Maybe not, I don’t know anymore” he said and shrugged absently. “Anyway, it is what it is.”
“And what is that?”
In my mind I had been desperately trying to piece it all together at the same time as avoiding what might befall me next.
“So why frame me for stealing this shit? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Look Victoria, this wasn’t all planned, okay? I certainly couldn’t have known I would run into you, or that Ivan would do what he did. All we can ever really do is ‘react.’ I live. People can kid themselves that they are proactive, that they are in control.”
He leaned in close to my face.
“People kid themselves. That is an illusion. However, I do like to think that I am quite good at reacting.”
The other three were looking restless off to the side, shuffling uneasily. Richard glanced back, taking this in.
“Anyway,” he continued, his voice low and brusque, “I’m flying back to Belfast in
