“Why don’t we eat first,” Ruth said as she laid her napkin on her lap, “and later we can have a long-overdue conversation.”
Olivia nodded, shoving her anxieties aside for the moment and succumbing to the pure pleasure of eating. For the first time in over two years, she actually savored her food, lingering over each bite.
After breakfast, Ruth poured them more coffee and they went to sit on one of the sofas with a view of a lovely back garden.
Ruth set her cup on a side table and settled back against the cushions. “Now then, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”
Olivia glanced at the older woman. Ruth had been so kind, yet if she knew she’d offered shelter to a recently incarcerated woman, Olivia was sure she’d order her out of her house immediately. “I don’t know how I can ever repay you for all you’ve done,” she said quietly.
“No payment is necessary. I was happy to help.”
“But you don’t know anything about me.”
Ruth held up a hand. “My dear girl, I don’t need to know what unfortunate circumstance brought you to St. Olaf’s that night. One day, I hope you might trust me enough to tell me the whole story. In the meantime, let me tell you what brought me to that church.” She lifted her chin. “I’ve been going there almost every night for years, begging God to take my life.”
Olivia jerked so hard that coffee sloshed onto the saucer. “Why would you do that? You have everything you could possibly want.”
“It might seem that way, but trust me, all the money in the world doesn’t make up for being alone. Losing my husband. Being estranged from my family. Having many acquaintances but few real friends.” A flash of emotion passed over her features. “Almost every night, I go to that church and pray for hours, yet every time, God sees fit to deny my request. Then one night, as I prepared to leave and wallow in my misery once more, I came upon a young girl in need of help. And so I acted.” Ruth shook her head. “This might sound fanciful, but I believe you were an answer to my prayers. Instead of taking my life, God gave me a reason to live.”
The coffee churned in Olivia’s stomach. This was too much. She could not be Ruth’s reason to live, not when her own life was in shambles. “I don’t believe that,” she said. “And you shouldn’t either.” She pushed up from her seat. “I have to go.” She headed blindly down the hall toward the entrance.
“Olivia, wait.” Ruth caught up to her at the foot of the staircase. “Let’s finish our conversation, and then if you wish to leave, I won’t stop you.”
Olivia gripped the railing, indecision pulling at her.
“You said you didn’t know how to repay me. If you tell me what brought you here, I’ll consider us even.” Ruth’s features, though firm, radiated sincerity.
Olivia closed her eyes, then opened them on a sigh. Perhaps it would be best to get it all out in the open. And once she’d spilled her secrets, Ruth would be the one who wanted Olivia to leave. “All right. But I’m warning you, it’s not a pretty story.”
“And that’s when you found me in the church.” After Olivia finished her confession, her eyes burned with unshed tears, and her chest felt hollow from reliving some of her worst moments. She inhaled and risked a glance at Ruth’s face.
The woman’s lips were pursed, and the lines around her eyes appeared deeper. A moment of silence passed, then Ruth rose and walked to the wall of windows. The morning sun spattered the room with light—a direct contrast to the gloomy mood inside.
Olivia’s stomach twisted into knots. Just as she’d feared, her angel of mercy had lost all respect for her. How could she not? Even her own parents would have nothing to do with her.
Olivia stood and straightened her spine. It was clear there was no one she could rely on except herself. She would have to forge her own way in the world.
Alone.
“I’ll get my things and be on my way,” she said. “Thank you again for your hospitality.”
Ruth turned around. Tears streaked her wrinkled cheeks and anguish darkened her eyes. “Please stay a moment longer. I have something I’d like to tell you. Something I’ve never told anyone except my dear husband, God rest his soul.” Her thin lips quivered.
Olivia raised a hand to her throat. She’d expected anger and disgust, not tears. She returned to the sofa and waited while Ruth took her seat.
The older woman removed a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her cheeks. “First, let me say how sorry I am for everything you’ve been through. No woman should ever have to experience such demoralization. It’s reprehensible.”
Olivia’s chest tightened. “Thank you for saying that.”
Ruth nodded, her gaze direct. “I can empathize with your tale because I went through something similar in my youth, though my experience was nowhere near as horrific as yours.” She drew in a shaky breath. “I too had a child out of wedlock. And like you, my child was taken from me.”
Olivia’s jaw dropped. This poised, confident woman had been through an illegitimate pregnancy? Olivia could only imagine how difficult it would have been for Ruth fifty years earlier. Yet she had obviously survived and gone on to lead a good life.
Perhaps there was hope for Olivia too.
“Like you,” Ruth continued, “my family disowned me. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I truly began to feel whole again. Henry overlooked my past and loved me unconditionally. Which is why, since he died, I haven’t felt quite anchored to this world.” A look of sorrow passed over her features.
