And then—she never quite worked out how it happened—she was in Rourke’s arms, and she felt such an overwhelming sense of comfort that she hugged him back, and then they were kissing.
Finally, miraculously, they were kissing. It was the kiss she had imagined a thousand times—long and deep, the kind that made the world stand still, the kind she never thought she’d experience, even though it had been building between them, summer after summer, for years. She was lit with fire, and for the first time in her life she felt swept away. Oh, she wanted this, she had been wanting it forever, and it was even better than all her fevered imaginings. It was a perfect moment, and she didn’t want it to end. Finally, when they came up for air, she made a bold move, slipping her hands beneath his sweatshirt. He caught his breath as though she’d hurt him. The moonlight streaming through the window glinted off the pale scar on his cheek. And Jenny faced a cold truth—from this moment onward, every other kiss would forever be ruined for her.
“Rourke—”
“Sorry,” he said, moving away from her. “I shouldn’t have—that won’t happen again.”
But I want it to, she thought. She wanted to kiss him again, and she wanted whatever came next with him.
“We should go,” he said. “They’ll be waiting for us.” He headed for the door without looking to see if she followed. He stood there, holding it open. She glared at him, torn between feeling turned on and rejected. He glared right back, and didn’t budge from the door. She took one more look around and then marched outside and down the steps, and she kept going while he closed the place.
He caught up and walked fast, as if in a hurry to get away from her. The fireworks were over and the moon was high as they made their way back to the path along the lake.
“You’re mad at me,” she said. No point in pretending it hadn’t happened.
“I’m not mad at you.”
“You are. I can tell. You’re giving me the silent treatment and your eyes are all squinched up.”
He stopped walking and sighed heavily. “My eyes are not squinched up, and I’m not mad.”
“Liar.”
“Okay, now I’m mad,” he said.
“I knew it. See, I was right. So now you have to tell me why.”
“Because you called me a liar.”
“I mean before that.”
“Before that, I…this is stupid. I’m done talking about it.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and glared at her. Shadows cut deep across his face.
“You’re not mad because you kissed me,” she said. “You’re mad because you liked it.”
“I like girls, so sue me. And anyway, if you already know everything, why do you keep talking about it?”
“Because I’m trying to understand, Rourke.”
“It’s not hard,” he said.
She lowered her gaze. “It’s Joey, isn’t it?” she said softly.
“He’s been trying to figure out a way to ask you out since the beginning of summer.”
She knew that. On some level, she was aware of it. “I might not want him to ask me out.”
“Why wouldn’t you? He’s great.”
“Maybe I like somebody else.” The words slipped out, whispered like a scandal.
He gave her a hard look. Outlined by the moonlight, he appeared large and menacing. “Well, you shouldn’t.”
“Great. Thanks for the advice.” She covered her pain with sarcasm. It was, from every possible angle, an impossible situation. There was no way she could be with either boy without hurting the other. No, that wasn’t quite right. Nothing could hurt Rourke. He wore a hard shell of emotional armor, galvanized over the years by his father’s cruelty. He knew how to protect himself. But Joey didn’t, even after two years in the army. Sweet, sensitive Joey didn’t try to protect himself at all.
“What took you guys so long?” Joey called. He was waiting out by the staff pavilion, where the party was in full swing.
“Nothing,” Jenny said, and realized she was on the verge of tears. She ducked her head, hiding her face. If Joey got a good look, he might guess she had just been kissed to kingdom come. “Where’s Nina?”
“She took Sonnet home. I told her Rourke and I would give you a ride later.”
Great. Ditched by Nina, and forced to spend the rest of the evening here.
“Let’s go inside,” Rourke muttered. He, too, seemed to be avoiding Joey’s eyes.
Jenny had only been to a few parties at Camp Kioga. Mostly, they were one big mosh pit with loud music thumping from blown speakers. The lights were dim, but somehow, three girls noticed Rourke right away and drifted over, swarming him like groupies around a rock star. As she watched, he seemed to turn into a different person, with a smooth, consciously sexy smile and an easy manner as he slid his arm around one of the girls and moved onto the dance floor. The girl he chose was wearing a short skirt and tank top so tight the hardware on her bra was visible.
Jenny must have let all her hurt and confusion show on her face, because Joey came over and touched her arm. “Let’s go outside.”
As she left the party, she threw a glance over her shoulder—just in time to see Rourke watching her, as if to make certain she’d seen what he was doing. And what was he doing, anyway? Trying to convince her she was wrong to like him? If so, it was working. That ought to make him happy.
“Don’t worry about Rourke,” Joey said. “Sometimes he acts like a jerk for no reason.”
Oh, I gave him a reason, she thought.
“It’s hard on him, you know? The way he grew up.”
She couldn’t help smiling. Joey always seemed to believe the best of everyone. Things would be so much simpler if she and Joey… Could you talk yourself into loving someone because he seemed so right?
* * *
Jenny did her best. When Joey called to ask her to a
