Then I’d be sad. And no amount of head-scratches would help.
Then his comrades led him, weary from the fight, to the old woman’s hut, and soon he fell asleep.
While he slept, the moon appeared in the sky and a great cry of relief and thanksgiving went up from all the world, “The moon! The moon! God bless the man who has released the moon!”
The king was awakened by the sound and looked out the castle window. When he saw the moon had returned to its place in the sky, his eyes overflowed with grief. “My poor second daughter!” he cried. “It was my sacrifice of her that has released the moon! Tomorrow morning I will send the servants to gather up her bones and to bring back the leather sack into which, alas! I must then sew my youngest daughter for the nine headed serpent. Ai! Ai! Ai! How sad it is to be a father!”
THERE WILL BE NO HEAD-SCRATCHES FOR ANYONE.
But on the morrow when the servants went to the rock they found the second princess sitting there alone gazing down on the scattered fragments of the six-headed serpent.
“Here she is, safe and sound!” they reported to the king as they led the second princess to him. And, marvel of marvels! on the beach below the rock lies the body of the six-headed serpent torn to pieces! Its heads, king, are so monstrous that six men with derricks could scarcely move one of them!”
Derricks? Where’d they get derricks? Is this an oil-rich country?
“God be praised!” the king cried. “Another unknown hero has come and saved the life of my second child! Would that a third might come tonight and rescue my youngest child! Alas, she is dearer to me than both the others,
We are standing RIGHT HERE, Dad.
but I fear me that even if there be heroes who could dispatch the first two serpents, there is never one who can touch him of the nine heads that holds the mighty sun a captive!”
And the poor king wept, so sure was he that nothing could save the life of his youngest child.
When Log and his companions heard of the king’s grief, Log at once stood forth and said, “This last and mightiest battle is for me!” He opened the strong waters and drank bottle after bottle till he had emptied nine. “Now let night come as soon as it will!” he cried. “I am ready for the monster!”
Log has a liver made of oak and is thus only slightly tipsy.
He started forth, telling his comrades he would throw back a shoe if he needed help from his dog.
So it was Log himself who slashed open the sack for the third time and released the youngest princess who was much more beautiful than her sisters. She fell in love with the mighty hero on first sight and was so thrilled with his godlike beauty
Hang on, when did he go from log-like to godlike? Nobody mentioned that Log was a studmuffin. We covered good, strong, kind and gentle, but nobody said he was pretty.
that when he put his head in her lap she hardly knew what to do —
It’s okay, baby. True Log Waits.
— although her father always declared that she scratched his head much better than either of her sisters.
Oh god, no. Just no. I don’t even know what … no. Just … ewww. I mean, it’s a sad day when the BEST possible explanation is head-lice.
They had not long to wait for soon all the sea was a glitter with the swirls of the ninefold monster who was coming to shore with the captive sun in his keeping.
“Wait for me behind the rock!” Log cried to the princess as he leapt on his horse and started forward. “Be careful!” the princess cried after him.
Nearer and nearer came the swirls of the nine-coiled monster. One after another of his nine heads rose and fell as he approached, and every head sniffed more hungrily as it came nearer, and each head rumbled as it sniffed:
“Fee, fi, fo, fum!
I smell some yum, yum!
I’ll fall on him with a thud!
I’ll pick his bones and drink his blood!
Fee, fi, fo, fum! Yum! Yum!”
Does Log even have blood? What is the serpent smelling, anyway? Sap?
Is this actually an extemporaneous song about what the serpent is experiencing, or is this the monster equivalent of the football fight song? Does our side get a fight song?
Log, Log, he’s our log!
If he can’t do it, we’ll send in the dog!
“Stop boasting!” Log cried. “You will have time enough to boast after you fight!”
“Fight?” roared the awful monster. “Shall we fight, poor infant, you and I? Very well! Then blow out a long level platform of shining gold. On it, we can meet and try our strength each with the other!”
“No!” Log answered. “You blow. And instead of shining gold we shall have a platform of white silver.”
So the monster blew and on the silver platform that came of his breath Log met him in combat. Back and forth they raged, Log striking right and left with his mighty sword, the serpent hitting at Log with all his nine scaly heads and belching forth fire and smoke from all his nine mouths. Log whacked off head after head until six lay gaping on the sand. But the last three he could not get.
Suddenly he pointed behind the serpent and cried, “Quick! Quick! The sun!”
Log is surprisingly cunning for a were-tree.
The serpent looked around and Log whacked off a head. Now only two remained, but try as he would Log could get neither of them. Again he tried a subterfuge.
“Your wife! See, over there, they’re abusing her!”
The monster looked and Log whacked off another head.
Wait — hang on — time out. This is … actually, that’s sort of not-cool of Log, and sort of sweet of the serpent to go, “What? Where? Honey! Are you okay?”
