Natalie stayed and talked a while. She told me that Aaron and Laura brought her some food. She said it wasn’t even enough to feed a cat but it was more than she had. I thought she might tell me exactly what took place that left her all alone out there but she didn’t. I figured I may never know but it wasn’t my need to know so I didn’t pry.
Ian also came by and stayed with me most of the day. It was sweet. He made me a potted meat sandwich for lunch. He even cleaned up my place while I slept.
Since I stopped moving, I realized just how exhausted I was. I had six months of built up exhaustion that I needed to sleep off if I could.
I also realized why I kept moving. I checked my phone constantly. There were never any bars or any messages or any sign that it had ever done anything besides show me app icons that I couldn’t use anymore.
I tried to read one of the books in the apartment called And I Don’t Want to Live This Life Anymore that was a biography about Nancy Spungen. The person who had had this bedroom before the apocalypse had very punk rock taste. There was a Misfits poster and Anarchy A that had been spray painted onto the wall. I was impressed since they were probably going to pay for that dearly had they lived to end their lease. Emma hated the room but it reminded me of when I was a teen. It made me happy to think of my former rebel self.
The book was interesting but I couldn’t focus on it. I was more obsessed with my phone than a girl checking after a boy promised he’d call. I hated the desperate lost feeling it brought in me of waiting for the call from my sister that would never come. I missed being busy. Drawing up plans and thinking about runs. It was like my full time job now that kept me busy and sane. The forced sick leave was not sitting well in me.
Ian told me that Tom and he were going on their first run the next day. Ian had wanted to wait a day or two more but Tom was itching to go. He was ready for his chance to prove himself.
Tom had wanted to be an official runner with Ian and me after he moved in. Ian and I told him he could come along anytime, the more people the more you get done and the more people to stop a zombie attack.
However Aaron felt that Tom should be an alternate if one of us got hurt like now or bit the dust. Not many people volunteered to do runs as they didn’t want to leave the safe haven. I guess Aaron didn’t want to risk the people who were willing to go all in one shot.
I know Jerry would love to go on runs but he didn’t want to put himself that much at risk. Especially with Maria and his young kids at home so gate duty ended up being the best thing for him.
I was a bit irritated as Emma wasn’t around much. She only came home to get a change of clothes and she let Ian and Natalie in. She didn’t even ask me how I was doing which I found to be rather odd. I decided not to dwell on it. I was just annoyed that I couldn’t do much and was overly sensitive to other things as well.
Ian left before it got dark and Natalie took Milo for a last walk. Before she left she gave me all the packs of cigarettes she found in her apartment. She said she wanted to be able to run if she needed too.
I was happy she wasn’t going to continue smoking but I also wish she hadn’t left them with me. I missed smoking and the stress of the world had made me miss it even more. I hadn’t come across many cigarettes so the temptation was none existent. Now it was in my apartment and I didn’t like it.
I was able to avoid it though since I went straight to bed.
The next morning, I took Milo for a walk myself. It was awful and we didn’t go very far. I was still really sore and I was beginning to think I’d managed to crack a rib. I couldn’t believe that a stupid fall on asphalt had managed to put me out of commission completely. It was such a minor injury. I shuddered to think if I had actually done something that would genuinely injure me. Had I become fragile in my time? It made me depressed because I was always the strongest and toughest person around. I prided myself on it.
As I was walking up the stairs, I saw Ian making his way down the sidewalk. I waved as he approached.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, I was just coming to check on you and say bye before we head out. I see you’re doing better.”
I shrugged, “Somewhat yeah. Still in pain though. You guys are going already?”
Ian nodded, “Yeah, Tom wanted to get an early start. Honestly I think he wants to make you look bad so he can be the permanent runner.”
I laughed, “What makes you say that?”
“Just things he’s said. No big deal though, I won’t do runs without you when you’re 100%.”
“That’s sweet, come on in Ian.”
Ian followed me up the stairs and into the apartment.
“Cate, I wanted to talk to you seriously about something,” He began after we got into the apartment.
I was unhooking Milo’s leash at the time. “Why do I feel like you’re breaking up with me?” I asked standing up.
He gave
