It must have been two hours since he’d kissed her, yet he could still taste her on his tongue. That memory of her lips made him want another kiss. But she was across the room asleep.
Except…
He heard a small sound. A sniff. Then a whimper. Was she having a bad dream? Silently, as he was trained to move, he rose and went to the bed. She was lying on her side with her eyes closed and tears on her cheeks.
“Mari? Wake up, lass. It’s another dream.”
Her eyes opened immediately, unlike the last time when he’d had to force her awake. She sat up and wiped her eyes. It didn’t seem she’d been asleep. Which meant he, not her dreams, had caused her tears.
“I apologize for my behavior earlier. When I reacted—” she started.
He didn’t allow her to finish. “You have nothing to be sorry for, lass. You did nothing wrong. It was me. I need to be more patient. I’ll not come to you again, not until you no longer fear my touch.”
He felt the heat of shame on his cheeks and was glad for the darkness. She owed him nothing. He hated that she was crying because of something that had happened between them.
“It’s not you or your touch I fear,” she said softly. “It’s just…certain things make me remember unpleasant incidents, and it taints what is happening between us.”
Hadn’t he just been berating himself for knowing one thing and doing another? He knew he needed to go slowly, and yet he’d practically launched himself at her for wanting her so badly.
“I understand. I sometimes have…bad memories too.”
“You do?” she asked as he wiped away her tears. “How did you get over them?”
“Well, I can’t say I’ve figured it out myself yet.” He’d not share the example of his biggest failure tonight. Instead, he decided to tell her of another way his mind and body had not been aligned. “After a battle or raid, I think about it for a long time. Still react, sometimes. I know I’m not in danger anymore, but my body still has the need to protect and defend.”
She nodded slowly. “Yes. That’s it. I wonder how long it will be before I’m in control.”
“I canna say for sure. But mayhap it will be easier if we try touching.”
Her eyes went wide, and he shook his head at himself.
“Holding hands,” he amended. “While we sleep. I think if we get over the shock of it, we’ll get used to one another. Like when you first jump into the loch, it’s terrible cold. But your skin becomes accustomed to it and then it’s not so bad.”
He should have left the fancy words to the poets. That was the most horrid thing he’d ever said to woo a lass.
“So, touching me is a bad thing for you?” Her brows pulled together, and he winced.
“No, not at all. Forget that part.” The only thing jumping into a freezing loch had to do with moving slow with Mari was that both had his cods shriveled up. “Can I stay in bed with you?”
“Yes.” She gave a nod that was more determination than enjoyment, but he’d take it if it meant sleeping in bed next to his wife rather than the floor.
He settled in next to her and reached for her hand. He gave it a squeeze and looked over at her even though he couldn’t see in the dark room.
“That’s not so bad, right?” he asked.
“No. It’s not bad at all. It’s nice.”
“Good. See? It’s the first step to feeling comfortable with one another.”
He felt her nod and wondered in resigned frustration how many more steps lay before them.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning Cam woke to find Mari still in bed next to him. He’d never been a late sleeper, but she had been up and out of their room before he woke the day before.
Now with the sun coming in through the window, he was able to look his fill at his wife. She was a beauty. Long, dark-gold lashes rested on her cheek. Her brows curved in a way that made one think she was about to say something astute. And those lips…
He let out a sigh and got out of bed before he spent too much time gazing at her lips. His body was already hard from just the fact it was morning. Staring at her lips would not ease that ache, for certain.
He left their room as quietly as possible and headed downstairs. After saddling his horse, he left the castle to check in with the perimeter guards to the west. He was almost happy to find them sleeping so he had a reason to vent some of his frustration.
“And what if I’d been the McCurdys? The castle wouldn’t have any warning of an attack.”
One guard leaped to his feet, rubbing his eyes. “The McCurdys wouldn’t attack us on one horse, but all the beasts they own. That many horses would have made the earth shake and we would have felt them coming.”
That only provoked him more.
“You know how else you might know an enemy is coming on you?” Cam demanded, then paused to see if they’d dare answer. “You could keep your bloody eyes open and watch for them! Which is why you’re out here in the first place.”
“All’s well, Cam. There’s no reason to worry.”
Cam could see as much, but he really wanted to yell at someone. Being stressed and frustrated with Mari would set them back even further in feeling comfortable with one another.
“Just stay awake,” he ordered gruffly and headed back to the castle.
Mari was sitting in the back of the hall with one of the women from the kitchen. Rather than speak to her in his current foul mood, he went to the head table where Lach was eating with Bryce and Liam.
He flopped down on
