“I like bairns well enough, but I don’t want any of my own. It would not be fair to Mari or the children.”
“You mean if you don’t come home to them, like your da?”
“Aye.”
“You’ll give up the gifts life has to offer on the off chance you could have it happen the same as before? It seems a lot to give up for something that may not happen.”
“Nay, it’s a lot of grief to give up. Bedding her is one thing; it’s pleasant and we have become friends. But I’ll not let us risk our hearts. Not when I could end up breaking hers.”
“I wish you could find happiness together.”
“Happiness is enough. Mari and I have that already. If ye mean love, I’d ask you not to curse us with such a wish.” Cam shook his head.
“I wouldn’t be able to live with Kenna and not love her. I didn’t have a choice. It just happened.”
“Love is not for everyone. Even if the laird wishes it so.”
Lach nodded and gave up, but Cam found himself thinking of Mari often during their ride. He wanted to brush it off as lust, but it wasn’t just her naked body that filled his thoughts.
He envisioned her smile and her laugh, and the honesty in her eyes when she leaned up to place a kiss on his chin. He would need to keep watch over himself, lest he became smitten with his new wife.
For both their sakes, he needed to avoid her.
And for the sake of the clan, he needed to eliminate any chance of losing the upcoming battle.
…
Mari became worried when Lachlan sat at the table for the evening meal, but Cameron hadn’t returned.
“Did my husband come back with you?” she asked after giving Lachlan and Kenna a moment to reunite properly. She looked away as he placed a kiss on Kenna’s cheek, but she didn’t miss seeing him press another kiss to his palm and place it tenderly on her round belly. It was an intimate moment between them she shouldn’t have seen. It made her feel things that weren’t to be.
“He’ll be along shortly. He went for a walk down by the loch.”
Mari relaxed and finished her meal, all the while keeping an eye on the entrance to the hall. When she was done and Cameron still wasn’t back, she went looking for him.
She loved the MacKinlay lands, the rolling hills and sharp peaks under a wide sky. Freedom. She could breathe here like she’d never been able to before.
As she walked the familiar trail, she thought of how nice it would be if she came across him bathing. The thought of seeing his wet skin against the setting sun caused her feet to move faster. She was only slightly disappointed to find him fully clothed and sitting on a rock. He was tossing small stones into the water, causing the ripples to span out from his perch.
As she stood there, she felt as though she’d encroached on a private moment. Similar to the way she’d intruded earlier on Kenna and Lachlan’s moment. As much as she loved it here, she knew she didn’t truly belong. She needed to keep everyone at a distance so she would be able to leave them at any moment if it became necessary.
It was odd to see Cameron so still other than in sleep. Before she had the chance to leave him to his thoughts, he turned and spied her. Instead of the normal smile he offered upon seeing her, he turned back and looked out over the water again.
“Is everything well?” she asked, her body stiffening. Was he angry that she’d tracked him down? Had he wanted to be alone? Had he planned to meet someone else there? Instinct caused her to take a step back.
His single laugh was harsh, and her hands shook as she looked over her shoulder, ready to make a quick escape. He shook his head and tossed out another stone. “My health is good, but I’m not well. I think I’m going mad.”
“What’s happened?” Despite her fear, she stepped closer, only to find the ground leveled off so she wasn’t able to reach him on the rock where he sat. She wanted to touch him. To make sure he was well.
The man sneering out at the loch was not her husband. Perhaps he was going mad…
“We had an agreement. This marriage was to our mutual benefit, but it’s not to be anything more. Safety, freedom, and pleasure. Those were things we agreed upon.”
She swallowed and once again instinctively stepped out of range. He was angry. Though, she was sure he wouldn’t hurt her. Mostly.
“And what makes you think that has changed?” she asked.
He turned to look at her, his eyes dark in the waning sun. They weren’t the soft honey that made her melt. They were hardened amber. Her feet moved another two steps back all on their own.
“Tell me you don’t want more from me.” His voice was low and challenging.
She took another step back as he turned on the rock to face her. His legs were dangling over the edge, so it would be an easy thing for him to slide off and land right in front of her. Grab her. Shake her…
“I don’t,” she barely whispered, and hoped it was true.
She felt something for him. She obviously cared about him enough to check on him when he didn’t return. Was that bad? Many marriages started out of convenience and became more over time. Things changed between people. Especially when they got to know each other the way she was getting to know Cameron.
Perhaps she had gotten to know him too well. It was clear he was not pleased to think she cared for him.
“I suppose I’ve come to care for you as my husband. But I don’t have any expectations for more,” she amended, as much for herself as for
