Just for fun, make up a wild and rambunctious story. Use your imagination to its fullest capacity! Which positive and bright sparkling activities from your past could you really experience to the full? What kind of story would that be? Of course this may seem totally unrealistic, but you never know. Once you have experienced your dreams, you may want them to come true!
Given this fantasy version of what could be, bring some of that sparkle into a more “reasonable” story. What would you like to grow into your new dominant story?
What might be the consequences – both limiting and enhancing – of that?
If you need some inspiration for writing your new story, think of all the people you know who already demonstrate aspects of the story you would like your life to be:
Whom do you know that you admire and appreciate?
What story do they tell themselves about who they are, about others, the world …?
How could you have that for yourself?You know how to tell stories, because you do it every day of your life! But now you are going to do it from the writer’s (dissociated) point of view, which is objective, and has a clear intention. By objectifying your position you can see the events in your life as separate from you. You are outside of the problem, witnessing it, rather than directly experiencing it. Remember, you can only block when you are inside the state. By stepping outside you are in a position to study it, and to rewrite your story so that it turns out the way you would like it.
Chapter Five Working with Stress States of being
If I were to ask you what state of mind you are presently in, you could probably answer quite readily. Since you are reading this book, you may answer, “I am in a learning state.” Or you may say, “I am in a curious state” or even, “I am in a state of confusion.” You can usually give a name to the state of mind you are in at any given moment. Because “state” is hard to define precisely, we often use metaphors. We often talk about emotional states as though they are liquids which fill us up: “I’m full of admiration” or run dry: “I’m drained of pity”. Emotions such as anger boil over, while love flows out.
You are always in some state of mind or emotion (unless you are dead), and this state of mind is in constant flux. Although many states are transitory – moments of exhilaration or dismay – some states may become habitual. What is your “usual” state? Are you generally grumpy, happy, tired, carefree, optimistic or energized …?
Your state (whether anger, fear, anxiety, love, happiness …) affects the way you interact with the world and other people. Each state influences the way you see, think, and feel, and thus your ability to communicate with others. Your ability to learn is governed by the particular state you are in at the time. You know from your own experience that if you are feeling bored or tired, or you have to take care of other people’s needs, you are not going to be in the best state for paying attention to new information or thinking about how you can develop new ways of doing things.
Your physiological state, measured in terms of general arousal, can vary between coma to “up and at ’em” activity. Physiological and emotional states are related. For example, think of times when you were angry, anxious, curious, happy, attentive, confused, loving, and so on, and consider, “What does being in this state allow me to do – and not do?” You discover that your options vary a great deal. When you are in a state of high arousal you are more likely to experience certain kinds of emotional state and not others; it is hard to be under great stress and maintain a state of equanimity. Getting the message
If you are experiencing a stressful state, your options are reduced. If you treat stress as a message from your body to your mind, it informs you that you need to take action to reduce your stress level. However, if the stress is producing fear and that is triggering a blocking response, taking effective action might be difficult. If fear initiates negative thinking, that is going to compound your inability to act appropriately.
Notice the kind of language that PWS use to amplify the blocking:
“I’m blocking again!!”
“I hate it when I stutter.”
“I can’t go on doing this!”
“If I stutter, they’ll think I’m stupid.”
“Am I going to go on blocking for the rest of my life?”
I know that it usually isn’t just this simple. Those old horror movies really are grooved into the muscles and run out of conscious awareness. Because they flow deeply, just talking to yourself using positive thinking will not fix them instantly. Yet by habitually talking to yourself in language that is positive and supportive, rather than beating yourself up, can produce remarkable and surprising results. Turning around what you say to yourself will change your behavior, but it will take a little time. Dealing with stress
The time to learn state management skills, of course, is not during the stress storm. Learning navigation skills when a ship is tossing and turning in the open sea in the midst of 40 foot waves is a bit late in the game.
Michael Hall (1997)
Generally, when people are stressed, they are not in a good place for learning new strategies for changing their behavior. Under stress, people tend to revert to instinctive or habitual patterns, and these are often of the “fight, flight or freeze” variety. The PWS’s usual response to stress is to freeze – then to start blocking. Therefore, by treating the freezing up as a signal, the PWS knows it is time to engage their flow response to this situation instead.
The way to manage your
