“So?” I ask, unable to wait any longer, the stricken look on his face making me want to change topics. I did not intend to make him feel poorly.
“He believes you are still at Nord. And will not be coming to find you.”
Though it is precisely what I asked of him, I feel a pang of disappointment in my chest.
“’Twould be much too painful, speaking to him. Nor do I trust myself when I am around him.”
I know it is myself, and not Kipp, I attempt to convince. When I learned Vanni was still in Murwood, so much of me wanted to run to the inn. To find him, hold him. Tell him that I love him and maybe even say the words that would bind us together for life.
I will marry you.
Since yesterday, I’ve envisioned myself saying that very phrase so many times. Riding from Murwood End with him atop Dex. Sleeping in the same bed and waking up to his face each morn. But I have also imagined the pain I will feel saying goodbye to Father and Kipp and everyone else from home. Spending long days at court with strangers, with Vanni nowhere to be found.
Living with a husband who offered marriage simply out of duty. Who deceived me, even as I know in my heart his interest in me was not solely to get close to Kipp.
Nay, that is not the husband I would have. But still, I cannot keep my mind from wandering. Maybe it will be easier once he leaves?
“What did he say?” I press.
Kipp shrugs. “That he would not leave without speaking to you. And so I challenged him.”
I must not have heard him correctly.
“Pardon?”
“Men like him . . . he would not let it go. So I challenged him. He accepted, and lost. So he is leaving, as we agreed.”
Only Kipp.
“They say he is an excellent swordsman.”
Thank heavens I did not know of this fight when it was happening. I shudder to think of Kipp and Vanni swinging unblunted swords at each other.
“He is.”
“And yet you beat him?”
Kipp smiles. “Aye.”
“Easily?”
“Nay.”
“He leaves now?” I ask, my voice shriller than I would like. I should be relieved. If Vanni set terms with Kipp, he will honor them. And yet . . .
Kipp shifts on the edge of the bed, to sit more comfortably, I presume.
“Tomorrow. Apparently he is to meet with Lord Stokerton again. I’ve heard they met once already.”
“Do you know what they spoke of?”
“Nay.”
“Or why they meet again?”
“Nay.”
“Ugh.”
Kipp chuckles. “Perhaps you should speak to the man yourself. You’ve enough questions to keep him here until the morrow.”
I toss my pillow at him, but Kipp is too quick for me and catches it.
Tomorrow. If I want to see him, there is still time . . .
“How were you able to bring a smile to her face?” my father asks at the door.
Kipp stands, patting the spot from which he’d risen.
“Come and see for yourself. ’Tis not hard. Just ask what she keeps under her remaining pillow.”
I make a strangled sound. Kipp knows that while my father may have built a healing room for me, he does not care for reminders of my training.
Kipp leaves, and my father settles in the spot he vacated.
Knowing he will ask, I pull out the Kona again and show it to him. When he leans toward me, I think he means to take it, but instead, he closes my fingers around the doll, turning my hand into a fist.
“Treasure it, and the memory of Edrys.”
I would not have been more surprised had my Amma come back to life and walked into the chamber.
“Father?”
He doesn’t move his hand.
“I’ve failed you, Aedre.”
I put my other hand over his, shaking my head.
“Nay, never . . .”
“You are so very much like your mother. And ’tis not a surprise, given your Amma’s influence. She would be so proud of you.”
All will be well.
“But you still dislike this part of me?”
My father has never looked so . . . vulnerable before.
“I worry for you, maybe overly much, but there is no part of you I dislike. How could there be? Look at the woman you’ve become.”
I feel awful about keeping a secret from him. Perhaps I’ll tell him one day, long after Vanni has left. “I’ve made mistakes,” I confess. “I miss Amma so much.”
“As do I. But she is still here.” He points to my heart.
“Father, do you wish you’d married again? Are you not lonely for companionship?”
He thinks on that and then answers.
“Nay, I am not lonely. I have you and the forge. ’Tis all I need.”
It is as I thought. I could never leave Murwood End. Father needs me, and he would never leave the forge behind. Not that it mattered—I was not going anywhere.
By tomorrow eve, Vanni will be nothing more than a part of my past. A man who swept into Murwood End, captured my heart, and then left me behind to mend it back together.
Chapter Thirty-Five Vanni
“Goddammit man, I don’t need your help.”
I try again to shove Thomas’s hand away, only to stumble up the top stair, cursing.
“Nay? You are sure?”
I remember locking my room, but he opens the door as if by magic.
“How did you do that?”
Thomas lifts up my key.
“Where did you get it?”
He shoves me inside, none too gently. “You gave it to me.”
I take off my belt and lay it, and the sword, on a chair next to my bed.
“I hardly think you’ll need it this eve,” he scoffs. “God help you if you do.”
Kicking off my boots, I sit on the bed. Thomas moves his lantern from one hand to the other, the light flashing strangely as if we’re out to sea and a thick fog has rolled in.
“I think I’ll rest.”
Thomas laughs. “Aye, you rest. I’ll be up to wake you in the morn.”
I focus
