Another chuckle.
Thomas thinks I’m drunk, and maybe I have had too much ale, but I’d still be able to defend us both if called to do so.
“She won’t see me.”
I haven’t said a word of Aedre all eve. As the men ate and drank with those they’ve come to know in our time here, I skipped the former and concentrated on the latter.
“Aedre?”
“Aye.”
“Why won’t she see you?”
Maybe I am a bit whittled. I hadn’t meant to speak of any of this, but it feels good to unburden myself.
“I brought her back here, just to hold her. Comfort her. Couldn’t do it when we sent her Amma out to sea. I didn’t mean for it . . . she asked me to . . .”
Thomas shifts the lantern again. It’s making me dizzy.
“She was a virgin. But she asked, and I was too weak to say no. And then she ran out. Fled to Nord. To him.”
Thomas comes closer. Then he’s suddenly at eye level.
“Was she the reason you fought Aldwine?”
He’s squatting in front of me.
“He said she didn’t want to talk to me. I accepted his challenge and lost, and now I’m honor bound to leave without her.”
“She clearly cares for you,” he says, perplexed. “Why wouldn’t she want to see you after she gave herself to you?”
Did she give herself to me? No. Not completely.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I told her we would marry.”
Thomas coughs. So loudly, I think there might be something wrong with him.
“Are you well?”
“You asked Aedre to marry you?”
“Aye.”
And then I think back, as best as I’m able.
“Mayhap I didn’t ask. I assumed ’twas already decided.”
He makes a sound, stands up, and then pushes me back onto the bed. I let him, only because I am really, really tired.
“You’ve strange notions of love, Vanni. You do not demand marriage from a woman like Aedre. Though I know her only from afar, ’tis enough to know you are a fool.”
Strange notions of love? I have no notions of love. My parents died. The king and queen do not love one another. Few at court marry for love.
I know how to wield a sword. How to lead an army of men. How to inspire loyalty in those who follow me. How to be a good subject to the king.
I know many things. But love? The thought is laughable.
I reach out, grab the hilt of my sword to ensure myself it’s there.
And then I let the dreamworld take me.
“A bargain is struck, then.”
Stokerton stands.
We met alone this time. And a good thing, as I’m sick to death of Thomas’s snickering. All morn he has kept giving me glances that indicate he knows something I do not. But whenever I’ve asked him about it, the bastard just laughs.
“You understand I will pursue my purpose here?” Stokerton says, reaching out a hand. “Until we reach an official agreement, we are, in effect, at war.”
“If you can convince the Voyagers to fight for the queen, so be it.”
For now, an agreement that we will speak to our respective rulers, proposing peace, will have to be enough.
Unlike those we serve, neither Stokerton nor I need to consider the will of noblemen whose power and influence can turn support toward or against us. We’ve nothing to lose and are therefore in a position to act as righteously as we want. To hope for peace this land has never seen. At least, not since the kingdoms split.
“You will send word?” I ask.
“Aye.”
When he smiles, I remind myself this is my enemy. One who’s in love with Queen Cettina. He speaks of her as I might . . .
As I might of Aedre.
With adoration.
With reverence.
With love.
As we part, I allow myself to think of Aedre, something I refused to do after Aldwine snatched away my right to see her one last time.
You do not demand marriage from a woman like Aedre.
The last time I drank enough ale to fill the Bay of Sindridge was after Albertus died. Even then, I didn’t wake with a sword clutched to my chest the next morn. Still, I can remember pieces of my discussion with Thomas.
“Well?” As if I conjured him, Thomas appears behind me.
“’Tis done.” There are too many witnesses around for us to discuss the meeting.
“The innkeeper has offered to serve us a meal as the horses are prepared.”
“Go,” I tell him. “Take as many provisions as you’re able. I will be back by the sixth hour.”
Thomas looks at our shadows cast by the sun. “We will be ready.”
He looks as if he wishes to say something else, but he simply clasps my shoulder, nods, and turns back to the entrance of the inn.
I’d not planned to leave the inn before our departure. The need for some space, some quiet, some reflection steals over me. My feet move before I can consider where they take me. Away from the village, certainly. Though I know she is still at Nord Manor, I squint at the buildings as I pass them, looking for her.
You do not demand marriage from a woman like Aedre.
And how does Thomas know anything about women like Aedre? There are none like her in Meria. Mayhap none like her here in Murwood End. Climbing these rocks for the last time, I sit on the one we shared, watching as boats come and go. Watching the waves, so predictable yet unpredictable.
For the first time, instead of pushing away thoughts of Matteo and the others clinging to pieces of wood, I let them come. They must have been terrified in those final moments. Although they’d sailed into battle, the warriors among them prepared for what that might mean, falling in battle is a different matter from drowning. They had no chance. No ability to fight for themselves.
Death never used to scare me before. I’d seen from my parents how quickly life could be taken away—and accepted I’d probably lose mine in service to
