A sob emerged from Simone. She fell forward on the bed and plopped her face onto a pillow. Wails of distress accompanied her tears.
“Momo,” Olivia called Simone by her nickname and drew her closer. She rocked her until the sobs subsided to whimpers. “It’s okay.” Tears pooled in her eyes. Seeing her child in pain hurt her to the core.
“Mom?” Christian stood in the doorway with a slice of pizza in his hand. His brows drew together. His eyes darted back and forth, from his mother to sister. “What’s wrong with Simone?”
“She’s going to be okay,” Olivia replied. “Your sister and I need to chat in private. Please close the door for me.”
“But, Mom,” Christian began.
Simone lifted her head and yelled, “Go away.”
“You’re being mean. I’m not saving you any pizza,” Christian replied in defense.
Olivia raised her palm to stop Christian from speaking. “Honey. Please go back to the other room to finish eating. I’ll be out in a moment.”
Christian closed the door with purposeful slowness in apparent reluctance.
Simone laid her cheek on Olivia’s chest. Her coveted wet, long eyelashes nearly brushed her brows with each blink as her tears subsided. The tenseness in her body was released as she relaxed in her mother’s arms.
“Honey, tell me what’s going on with you.” Olivia knew from her professional experience to not go hard on Simone right now. “What made you decide to cut yourself with a knife?”
“I…I…I want to die.” Simone hiccupped.
Although shocked, Olivia recognized the words as common statements by kids who begin self-harm. Their goal isn’t to commit suicide for the most part. They are seeking to distract themselves from intense emotional distress. She proceeded with caution and steadied her voice. “Why do you want to die? You know Daddy, Christian, and I would be sad if we didn’t have you here.”
“I don’t want to move to Miami and you don’t want us anyway. You wanted to kill us in the fire like my friends keep telling me.” Simone jerked away. She wrung her hands and tears flowed again.
“No, Simone,” Olivia said, her voice stern. “Your friends are not telling you the truth. I was angry with your Dad. It had nothing to do with you and Christian. I didn’t know you were both in the house. It doesn’t make what I did right. I never intended to harm the two of you.” Olivia tried to remain calm.
“But why are you making us go to Miami? It’s not fair. I don’t wanna go somewhere away from my friends. I’m gonna be all alone and no one will like me.” Simone teetered on the verge of becoming hysterical. She hiccupped in between words.
Olivia patted and rubbed Simone’s back to reduce her anxiety. She grabbed a napkin from the nightstand and wiped her daughter’s face before speaking again.
“Momo. I know this all seems to be the worst thing ever to happen in your life. It has been rough for all of us. I don’t want you to move to Miami either. What is unfortunate is until I finish the requirements issued by the judge, I can’t have custody of you and Christian.” Olivia noticed Simone’s body tensing up again. “Your Dad believes it will be good for you
both to be away from San Antonio based on how kids have been treating you guys. You’ll make new friends the same way you have here.”
“No, I won’t,” Simone whined. “My friend Karen said they’ll make fun of me. She said I don’t look like anyone there.”
Olivia sat back confused. “What did Karen mean?”
Simone sniffled. “She said everybody is light-skinned and real pretty in Miami. Since I’m dark-skinned, I won’t fit in.”
Olivia flashed back to the days of her insecurities with having a dark skin tone. She’d developed tactics to make sure her kids had confidence in themselves.
Since books with pictures of children who looked like hers were scarce, she created them herself. Nothing ever indicated Simone or Christian were uncomfortable with their God-given color. They never expressed wishing for different features. She knew the importance of helping them form a solid sense of identity to keep them from doubting or questioning their self-worth as she did.
“Simone. God made us all in His image. You know you are beautiful,” Olivia said. “I bet you, your friend has never been to Miami. I’ve been there many times and know, there are people of every shade of brown. You can’t even imagine the range of skin color you will see. Don’t let someone’s opinion and ignorance make you think something is wrong with you. She doesn’t have a clue about what beauty is. Do you understand me?”
After taking several breaths, Simone squared her shoulders as Olivia always instructed her to do and lifted her head. “Yes, Mama. I understand.”
Realizing she’d broken through to her daughter, Olivia wrapped her arms around her to protect her from the ways of the world. She drew back and gazed into Simone’s eyes. “Good. Don’t ever forget what I’ve been telling you for years.”
Simone nodded her head in agreement. “Okay.”
“We need to discuss what’s going on with you when your dad arrives. We’ll see what Dr. Hennings recommends to help you as well.”
Simone’s eyes widened in fear. “I don’t wanna tell Dad. He’s gonna get mad and ground me.”
“He’ll be upset when he first finds out. We’ll tell him together. It’ll be alright,” Olivia said. She hoped Malcolm didn’t lose his temper.
Simone chewed her lip. She seemed to calm down. “Okay.”
“Are you cutting yourself anywhere else on your body?”
Simone hesitated before confessing. “Yes. On the back of my legs.”
“Show me,” Olivia instructed.
Simone obeyed and lowered her jeans to show her the marks on her hamstrings. She reached back to make the skin taut. “Here and here. That’s it.”
Olivia inspected the faded cuts. “Have you used anything other than this knife to cut with?” Olivia inquired and helped her put her pants back
