Lila and I used to believe that our love could conquer all. That no obstacle would be too great. How naïve we’d been. It was never a question of not loving each other enough. We’d never stopped loving each other.
In the end, what it came down to was whether or not we could find a way to be together without dredging up all the sins of our past. Without throwing our transgressions into each other’s face every time we argued. Because we would argue. We were still the bull and the lion, and we fought as passionately as we loved.
Love tested your limits.
It was so damn easy to fall in love. So easy to love a person when times were good. The real challenge was sticking it out even when the going got rough. But I was done running. I was done trying to pretend that I’d ever find true happiness without Lila. She was it for me. My once in a lifetime love. My reason. My past, present, and my future. If I walked away from her now, I’d be a miserable bastard for the rest of my sorry life.
“I’m not going anywhere without you, Rebel. You’re my ride or die. I’m never leaving you again. I promise on my life… no, fuck that. I promise on your life, on Noah’s life, I will stay and I will love you until my last breath.”
“And you’ll forgive me for what I did?”
“I already have.”
Her eyes narrowed in disbelief. Still so suspicious. Only time would heal these old wounds but we’d have plenty of time. “When did this happen?”
“Just now. I did a little soul searching. Like two seconds ago.”
She laughed. “Oh God, Jude… you’re unbelievable.”
“Thank you.”
That made her laugh harder. “I’m glad to see your ego is still intact.” The laughter died on her lips and her face grew serious. “Can you make things right with Brody?”
I raked my hand through my hair. That was a big ask. “That’s what you want me to do?”
“That’s what I need you to do. If you want to be a part of my life and Noah’s life—”
“There’s no if about it.”
“If I lose you again, my heart couldn’t take it.”
“I won’t let you down. Not again. Promise.” This time, I’d keep my promise or die trying. Even if it meant playing nice with Brody Fucking McCallister. I’d do it for Lila and for Noah.
Maybe my mom had been right. I needed to find a way to forgive myself. And maybe if I could do that, I could find a way to forgive Brody for being there when I wasn’t.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and walked into The Roadhouse. Christmas lights were still strung up even though it was May, and country music still played from the speakers but the sound quality was better and the place didn’t smell like stale beer and cigarette smoke anymore.
“Well, if it isn’t Jude McCallister,” Colleen said with a smile. “Long time no see.”
She set a beer in front of me and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the shelf. “I’m good with the beer.”
Her brows raised, but she nodded and returned the bottle to the shelf. “Where’ve you been all these years, sugar?”
“Everywhere and nowhere.” And that at least was an honest answer.
“Well, I guess that’s where you had to go to find your way back home,” she said, understanding more than I’d told her. “You look good. Real good.”
I tipped my chin. “Thanks. So do you.” She looked the same—long auburn hair, tight jeans, and a fitted black T-shirt with Johnny Cash’s face on it. “How have you been?”
She shrugged. “Can’t complain. I bought the place a few years back.” Shrewd blue eyes assessed me. “But I guess you know that, don’t you?”
“I might have heard something about it.”
With a shake of her head, she laughed. “You’re a lousy liar. I’ve been hanging on to this for years, waiting for you to come back.” She reached into a drawer under the bar and set a check in front of me. “I’m not gonna take your money, baby. You never owed me a thing.”
I looked down at the check she’d set in front of me. Guilt money. The same as the money I’d tried to give Lila when I left her. “I owed you the truth.” I remembered my mom’s words. That I had to find a way to forgive myself. And for the most part, I had but I still felt like I owed Colleen more than what I’d given her. Which was the reason I was sitting on this barstool right now. “That story you read in the newspaper. I didn’t save Reese’s life. That’s not how it happened. I—”
She held up her hand to stop me. “You were in a combat zone, baby. I’m not stupid. Bad things happen to good people all the time. I don’t need to know how Reese died. You were there for him. Do you know how many times he used to mention you in his emails to me? You were a good friend to him. And he was proud to be a Marine and serve his country and fight right alongside his best friend. So you have nothing to feel guilty about, you hear me?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I hear you.”
“Good. Now let it go. You can’t hang on to all of that. Just go out there and live the best life you can. That’s what Reese would have wanted. That’s the best way to honor his memory.”
With her words, a weight lifted off my shoulders.
“Now, what I wouldn’t mind hearing are some of the good stories about Reese.”
“Oh, I have plenty of them.” I laughed at some of my memories of Reese. I didn’t know if she’d want to hear about the time he finally lost his virginity to a
