That guy. As soon as my head emerged, I launched at him.
“You’re so predictable, Rebel.”
“You’re such a pain in the ass.”
“So are you.” He smiled, showing me those dimples I loved, his eyes so blue in the sunlight, his wet hair slicked back, and I had an ache in my heart the size of Texas. “The most beautiful, infuriating, stubborn pain in the ass.”
“Right back at you.” Instead of trying to dunk him, I looped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and buried my face in the crook of his neck.
“Everything is going to be okay. Promise. After you graduate college and after I finish the Marines, we’ll have our whole lives to be together. I’ll be with you so much you’ll get sick of me.”
“You want to spend your whole life with me?”
“Planning on it. Why? Did you have something else in mind?”
“Forever is a long time. How do you know I’m the one you want to spend it with?”
“I’ve always known. You’re it for me.”
“You might change your mind.”
“Yeah, and I might get eaten by a crocodile.”
I laughed. “What are you saying?”
“The odds of that happening are slim to none. That’s what I’m saying. What are you saying?”
“Be prepared. I’m going to be the best Marine girlfriend in the history of Marine girlfriends.”
“I don’t doubt that for a minute. We good?”
I nodded and said that everything was good. What else could I do? I had to be supportive.
He was here now and we were good and I didn’t want to waste another minute of our time together dwelling on how much I would miss him when he left for boot camp. I wanted to use our time to make good memories, the kind of memories we could both hang on to when we were apart. All the sweet, beautiful seemingly insignificant moments. Those were the ones that counted most and I wanted to remember every single one of them.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jude
“Are you nervous?” Lila asked. We’d climbed onto the roof for old time’s sake and the night sky didn’t disappoint. It reeled with stars, the summer air warm and sweet and I had an ache inside my chest that felt like homesickness. Tomorrow morning I was leaving Lila.
My first instinct was to deny it and say no, that I wasn’t nervous. But I opted for the truth instead. “A little bit. Are you okay?”
“No. I’m really not.”
I turned my head to look at her face in the moonlight. It glowed paler, in stark contrast to her dark hair. I couldn’t see the five freckles on her nose but I knew they were still there. Her answer made me question my life choices. Why had I been so dead set on enlisting? Why couldn’t I have gone to college with Lila? Played football. Attended classes. Spent the next five years by her side.
“But I will be. And so will you. I believe in you, Jude. I believe in us. We can get through anything. You showed me that.”
“I love you, Rebel.”
“I love you more.”
“That’s good because I plan to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“How can you promise me forever at eighteen?”
“It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done. It’s always been you. I’ve never wanted anyone but you. But...”
“But?” she said.
“But I made this decision. This was my choice. If you...” Fuck. I didn’t want to say this but I had to. It was the right thing to do. I took a deep breath and let it out. “I want you to enjoy your college experience. I want you to do all the college things. Parties and tailgates and... I don’t know. I want you to be happy, Lila. If you meet someone at college and you—”
She pressed her fingers against my lips, stopping the words. “Don’t say it.”
I wrapped my hand around her wrist and moved it. “I have to. You’re young and you’re... fuck, you’re so beautiful...”
“You’re biased.”
I shook my head. “You are. There are a lot of guys out there who would give anything to be with you. And I don’t want you to feel like you’ve missed out. Five years is a long time to wait for someone.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “No. I’m just giving you an out.”
“I don’t want an out. There will never be another you. You’re the only one for me, Jude.”
I blew out a breath. “You say that now but that’s because I’m all you’ve ever known. When you get to college, you’ll meet a lot of different guys. Guys who—”
“I don’t understand where this is coming from. You spent years trying to keep guys away from me and now you’re trying to push me to meet someone new?”
“No. I’m not trying to push you to meet someone new. I just...” I gripped the back of my neck. “I don’t want you to have any regrets or to someday resent me for asking you to wait. It’s a lot to ask someone at eighteen.”
“Just a little while ago, you were promising me forever. Do you want to find someone new? Is that what this is about?”
“No. I don’t want anyone else. But none of this is fair to you. I’ll be thousands of miles away...”
“You’ll be a phone call and an email away. And you’ll be home on leave. You’ll get thirty days a year, right?” I nodded. “And I can visit you. We’ll make it work.”
“But if you change your mind, I’ll understand.” I didn’t know if that was true. I’d never questioned my life choices before. This had been my plan since I was a kid. If I was being honest, I couldn’t even say why or how I’d decided it was what I needed to do. It had just always felt right. Right for me. I’d been selfish.
