I could punch myself in the face at the reminder of that horrible night. “I know they’re just words but, Brooke, I promise you, I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you that night. I never should have grabbed you like that.”
She stares up at me for a beat, zero judgment in her eyes. I can see she’s battling with how to handle this conversation, and there’s not a part of me that blames her. She doesn’t say anything as her gaze slides back to the water in front of us.
“Can I get a do-over?” I push on, desperation for her to give me this fueling my words. “I want to pretend the last few weeks never happened. I’ll never forgive myself for how I treated you, but I want a chance to do it all over again.”
Brooke stares out at the water for the longest time. I’m sure she’s going to tell me to go fuck myself, and I can’t say I'd blame her. The things I’ve said to her, the things I’ve done. Why should she forgive and forget?
She stands and starts to walk away. My heart hits my stomach at the sight of her leaving. She stops a few feet away, her arms crossed tightly over herself. Part of me wishes I could freeze this moment. The soft breeze whips around us, lifting the ends of Brooke’s hair. I can see her face in profile, tilted back with her eyes closed. Her beauty floors me, and the longer I look at her, the surer I become that she’s the only one for me.
“What do you want from me, Tuck?”
You. I’ve only ever wanted you. The thought is immediate, but I know I can’t say it out loud. Not yet. She’ll run if I tell her all the things I really want from her.
“I just want the chance to get to know you again. I want my best friend back.”
It might be the biggest lie I’ve ever told, but it will be worth it to have her back in my life. I don’t want just my best friend back; I want the love of my life back. These last few weeks have been a nightmare, but they’ve taught me something. I was numb before. Living life and not feeling any of it. I might have been lost in pain and bad decisions since Brooke came back, but Zander’s words have been on a loop in my mind all day.
It’s time to start feeling again.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BROOKE
I just want the chance to get to know you again.
Why do I feel a pang of disappointment at his words? Did I really think he was going to declare his undying love for me? Or for him to sweep me off my feet and kiss the hell out of me? Pushing down those thoughts, I remind myself of all the reasons I should be glad he isn’t asking for us to try again. Tucker has a whole new life now. A wildly successful life doing the one thing he always dreamed of doing. I only ever came second to that, and I already know what it’s like to be second best.
My own father loved me and my sister, but it wasn’t enough. We were not enough. My thoughts go back to that night, the night I pushed Tucker away. I didn't plan to make him choose, but the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. The ultimatum was issued. The death warrant for our relationship signed and sealed.
I didn’t plan to run away after that night, but I felt like I didn’t have a choice. If I'd have stayed, Tucker would have apologized. I would have accepted. We both would have pretended that night didn't happen. But that’s all it would have been—pretend. The words would have always been there, a spectre over us. One of us would have grown resentful in the end. And the real reason I begged him not to go would have come out. I have to push that thought right out of my head. I’m not ready to pick at that wound. I probably won’t ever be ready.
Friends. The very last thing I want from Tucker Neal is friendship, but what’s the alternative? Going back to pretending he doesn’t exist? Now that he’s back in my life, I’m not sure I can do that.
“I’m not sure I can do this, Tuck,” I finally say my thoughts out loud when I feel him move to stand closer to my side.
“I’m sure enough for both of us.” His voice is pure steely determination that’s matched by the intensity of his stare.
“Friends it is then,” I finally say, and I don’t miss the way he falters slightly. Is it disappointment I see flit across his face? Or is it relief? Whatever it is, it’s gone before I can blink. Instead, there’s a smile that lights up his face. It makes him look younger, more like my Tucker. Not the bigger, harder version of him that he’s grown up to be.
This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten to look at him properly, but the other times I’ve been so caught off guard I haven't appreciated just how well he grew into himself. He was always tall, but he’s gained a few inches over the years. He towers over me now. His dark hair is still unruly, but the back and sides have been cropped closer, the top still long enough for him to run his hands through. His face is harder, though, the boyish features have morphed into cut edges and sharp lines. He's not the boy I loved at eighteen anymore, but that just means I want to get to know the man he’s become.
“I’m not surprised you followed through with
