20 Kiernan
Caroline was silent the entire drive to her place. She stared out the passenger window, watching Austin pass by from the highway. Every few seconds, my gaze would land on her and her reflection in the window. The tears had long since dried by the time I pulled into her driveway. One of my men parked her car on the street before hopping into another and taking off. I got out of the truck with Caroline and placed my hand on her lower back as we climbed the steps of her porch and I waited for her to unlock the front door.
She swept through the entryway, leaving the door open for me to follow her, and went straight for the kitchen. I leaned my forearms on her kitchen island and sat on a stool as I watched her scurry around the cabinets, pulling out bowls and various ingredients. “What are you making?”
“Cookies,” Caroline answered without pausing. Harmonica hissed at Caroline as she opened the refrigerator door. Harmonica sat on top of the fridge, glaring down at her. Caroline peered up at Harmonica. “I don’t need to hear from you too, Harmonica.”
She leapt from the top of the refrigerator to the floor and circled around the barstool I was sitting on, rubbing herself against my legs. Caroline glowered at the two of us before meeting my gaze from across her kitchen. She had a carton of eggs in one hand and a stick of butter in the other. “Is everything easy for you?”
“For me or Harmonica?”
Caroline rolled her eyes. “I know everything is easy for Harmonica. She’s got it made, with treats to fill her belly every day, a warm home with a mom who loves her even though she’s rude in return, and all the toys she could want. Does everyone, including animals, always like you? And fawn over you?”
I scratched my cheek. The slight scruff was rough against my fingers as I thought about what she’d said and tried to decipher her tone. She sounded pained, but also annoyed. Exasperated. My life wasn’t a basket of puppies, but I didn’t have the shit she was dealing with either. I hated that she’d felt unwanted for even a second of her life. “What happened tonight, Caroline?”
She groaned and dropped the butter onto the counter, but she set the eggs down more gently as she started to measure. A plume of flour rose from the bag when she opened it, and she pursed her lips, dropping the flour into a large red mixing bowl. “My mom and sister are perfect. They’re beautiful and—”
I cut her off. “You’re beautiful.”
She shook her head and snorted, glancing up at me for a moment. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her lips tilted up on one side in a sad, dejected, and mocking smile. “Not like them. They turn heads when they walk into a room, and they are classically beautiful. The kind of beauty no one could dispute. I’m…” She gestured to herself and shook her head, brushing a strand of hair away from her face with the back of her wrist.
“Beautiful,” I finished for her.
Her hands shook as she poured the sugar into the mixing bowl, and her chin wobbled. It was taking all my strength to remain on this side of the island. I wanted to stomp around her, wrap her up, and kiss her until she believed me. But if that happened right now, I’d never know the full extent of what had happened tonight. She was trusting me right now, and I didn’t want to fuck it all up.
“Kiernan,” she whispered. “You don’t get it. You can walk into a room and every single person pays attention. I walk into a room and someone will sit on me because they don’t even notice I’m there. For me, it’s been that way my entire life. And don’t argue. You didn’t even know I was alive back in high school, and we had classes together. I try so hard to be put together and look presentable. It comes naturally to my family. It was drilled into me early that I’m unsightly unless my face is fully made up and my hair is perfectly in order.”
My hand curled into a fist, and I leaned across the island, reaching out to her. I put a finger under her chin and brought her eyes to mine. “I was an idiot back then. A stupid kid trying to hide all of his own shit. I notice you. If you walk into a room, it doesn’t matter who is there, all my attention is on you. Only you. You could never be invisible, and anyone who thinks so doesn’t deserve to even be around you. I see you, Caroline.”
She bit her lip, pulling her chin away from my touch, and mixed the dough while keeping her eyes firmly away from mine. “What happened tonight?” I asked again.
“My ex-husband was the worst mistake of my life. I met him at a truly low point for me, and he was the first man to give me attention. I was flattered that this insanely attractive man paid attention to me. I was so desperate for the attention he provided me that I married him without thinking about it, but he didn’t treat me well. So I left him and he couldn’t stand that. He hated that his ‘fat wife’…” Caroline rolled her eyes and used air quotes around that phrase. “Had walked out on him.”
I growled low in my throat. I loved every inch of her curves, and she wasn’t fat. Even if she were, that wasn’t a way to treat a person.
“That’s when I got the restraining order. He went over the deep end and wanted to get back at me for leaving him and remind me that I’d never have anyone better.
