Their conversation was like white noise in my ears. My own thoughts were drowning them out, and one was louder than all the rest.
He doesn’t want you. He’s embarrassed by you.
31 Kiernan
Caroline was smiling, but I wasn’t falling for it. This was closer to a grimace than a real smile. She would nod her head every other minute, but her eyes were glazed over and a crinkle creased her brow. She wasn’t listening—she was thinking. She’d stopped listening when I said she was Pepper Jack’s trainer.
I wanted to take my gun from its holster and shoot myself in the foot. Roman’s gaze was shifting between Caroline and me.
I hated myself in that moment and wanted to correct myself, but my mouth didn’t open. No words came. I knew I’d hurt her and wished I had explained earlier about the company’s rules.
“You haven’t been in the office,” Roman said.
“I’ve been working from home.”
I hadn’t updated Roman on the progress of her case or why I would be with her all the time until it was over. I’d reassigned the other cases I’d been working on. I cleared my throat, glancing at Caroline. I would’ve updated him right here, but I didn’t want to air Caroline’s troubles in front of Harper and Ava. She was already struggling through this conversation; I wasn’t going to make it worse than I already had.
Roman nodded. “Check in later,” he said. “We have to get going. It was great to meet you, Caroline. I hope I get to meet you another time.”
“Huh?” Caroline said, shaking herself out of her thoughts. “Oh, yes. It was great to meet you too. And y’all,” she said to Ava and Harper. I didn’t miss that she left out seeing them again. I closed my eyes for a second as my chest twinged in pain.
Fuck. I’d royally fucked up.
Roman, Harper, Ava, and Caden walked away. Caroline watched them turn a bend in the path before she left my side, walking back the way we’d come and toward our cars. She still had Pepper Jack’s leash in her hand; I wasn’t even sure if she noticed.
“Caroline,” I called.
She shook her head and kept walking. I caught up to her and brushed my hand over her arm. “Please let me explain.”
She stopped, turning toward me. “Kiernan, there’s nothing to explain. I understand.”
“No, sweetness,” I said quietly. I reached for her hand, but she withdrew it from my touch, taking a step back, putting more space between us.
“Please don’t call me that,” she whispered.
I sighed and scrubbed a hand down my face. “Please let me explain. It’s not what you think.”
She shook her head. “Kiernan, honestly, I can’t listen to this right now. My entire life I’ve been thrown away and cast to the side. You know that. I’ve told you that. I’ve handled it from others. Maybe not well, but I did. I can’t from you. Anyone but you,” she said. Her bottom lip wobbled, but no tears came. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to walk away because I need to. Please let me.”
I nodded once, gritting my teeth. “I don’t want to let you, but I’ll give you a little space and a little time. I’m not going anywhere, Caroline. I’ll be in your driveway later, because I’m not leaving you alone right now. Take Pepper Jack with you.”
Caroline swallowed and nodded. She stared at me for a second more before walking away. I watched her, letting her have some distance before I started following her. I’d give her time, but I couldn’t leave her alone knowing there was a serial killer out there that wanted her.
I’d fix this. I had to. There was no other option. I wanted Caroline in my life, and I didn’t see that changing anytime soon. I scrubbed a hand through my hair, keeping Caroline in my sights. Pepper Jack trotted next to her the entire way to her car, and he kept his eyes on her too. I knew he could feel the tension through the leash. Her head was down, watching her feet as she walked. Even from behind she looked dejected.
I wanted to punch myself in the face.
Why had I been such an idiot? I’d known from the beginning that she was worth the trouble it could cause at work. Instead I’d toed the line, lying to Roman, a man who had been my family since I’d left my own, and to the woman who was quickly becoming the most important part of my life.
She was my purpose.
I got into my truck, once again keeping a distance between me and Caroline. My phone started ringing. I glanced at my dash, seeing my mom’s name flash across the screen. I hit accept on the steering wheel.
“Hello.”
“Kiernan,” she whispered.
I gritted my teeth and white-knuckled the steering wheel. “How much this time, mom?” I snapped.
She grunted. “That’s no way to talk to me.”
“That’s all you ever call for.” I was so close to the edge and didn’t need this shit. I wanted to hang up on her and pretend she hadn’t called.
“I got fired again. I only need a little bit to keep us afloat.”
Caroline’s advice floated through my mind. And she was right. When I had a family of my own one day, this shit couldn’t happen. I didn’t want either of my parents to be in my future kids’ lives. She’d never be the grandma they would need and deserve. And any money I gave to her could go to them. To my family.
I pictured Caroline holding a baby. One that had her dimples. Her eyes. A little girl just like her. We could give our kids a life, and they’d never need to go through any of the shit we had. We’d give them so much goddamn love.
I pounded my fist on the steering wheel. My anger at myself had only increased with every mile I’d driven toward Caroline’s. This money relationship with my mother had to end.
I
