“You okay?” I ask gruffly. I’m so proud of him, I could cry, but this is his moment and I pull myself together.
He nods quickly. “Don’t let go.”
“I never will.”
The water slips cool and smoothly between our chests. His feet are firmly planted with mine, his back to the wall. I hold him close and feel his heart beat against my own. We stay there until they become indistinguishable.
I check in again. “You good?”
“I’m fine. This is silly.”
“It’s not. You’re so fucking brave.”
His beautiful face wears that same smile from earlier and then the look of determination comes back. He pushes me an arm’s length away, still gripping my wrists.
And then he lets go.
I rest my arms on the ledge and watch him glide to the center of the pool. Tears blur my vision, but I quickly blink them away. I don’t want to miss a single moment.
Holden dives under the water and resurfaces with a small gasp. I restrain myself from going to him, but Holden is okay, floating on his back and staring at the sky. Then he sighs as if he’s letting something go. Something he’s been carrying inside for too long.
After a moment, he plants his feet on the bottom of the pool.
“Okay, that’s enough,” he says, striding toward me in long steps. “There’s only so many reunions and engagements and breakthroughs a guy can have in a single night.”
He comes back to me and I reach for him, pulling him to me. Water streams in rivulets down his sharp cheek bones to his full lips. Wordlessly, he crashes his mouth to mine, igniting the flame all the water in the world can’t douse. We kiss deeply, then harder, an intense delving of our mouths and tongues and lips. It sears me with its heat and love. So much love.
I take us to the pool’s edge, our hands roaming, sweeping over bare skin, wet and smooth with water. From our pool. In our house. I kiss Holden Parish, my love for him pulsing through me with fierce pride. Because he made it. He’s here.
He’s finally home.
The End
Author’s Note
This novel deals with the terrible effects of conversion therapy that will harm more than 80,000 LGBTQ youth in the coming years. You can read the facts HERE
Anyone wishing to make a difference can do so HERE
And if you or someone you know is struggling, The Trevor Project’s national helpline: 1-866-488-7386
This book also confronts addiction and mental health issues that affect tens of millions of people each year. I urge, with love, anyone who is struggling, to please reach out.
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Service Administration National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Acknowledgments
As with every book, it takes a team of loving, supportive people to bring it from page to publication. I can’t do it alone, and I’m so grateful to the following for walking beside me on this journey.
All the love to Robert Hodgdon, my amazing sensitivity reader. Thank you so much for guiding me through this book, helping to ensure I told this story with the authenticity and love River and Holden deserve. Your encouragement means more to me than you know. <3
ALL the love and gratitude to Joanna Louise Weightman for your guidance, insight, and brilliant suggestions that lift every book you touch to a new level. I’m so grateful for that and for your kindness. Love you.
To Marissa D’Onofrio and Joy Kriebel-Sadowski, my intrepid beta readers, who slogged through early versions of this book so you don’t have to. Thank you so much for your insights and encouragement. <3
Many thanks to Júlia Moreira, Bruna Rafaela, and Eliana da Silva for ensuring my Portuguese is accurate and authentic and to Emma White for cleaning up my French. Much love to you all for your time and expertise.
To Annette Chivers for being an emotional support and dear friend for years—a formal declaration of my love and adoration is long overdue. Thank you for you. <3
Thanks to Lori Jackson for sharing her artistry and boundless talent. You brought Holden to life and I’m so grateful for you. (and for that mountain. #NailedIt)
Much love to my Entourage, my readers, the bloggers—a silent army of book love and support. I love and appreciate you all so much for what you do. I wouldn’t be here without you and I will never forget that. You are a universe. <3
So much love and gratitude to Nina Grinstead and the entire team at Valentine PR. Love you all so much and I’m thankful to have your support in this writing journey. I can’t wait to see where it takes us. <3
To Melissa Panio-Petersen…I’m running out of ways to say thank you for all that you do. For being on the other end of the line with so much love and thoughtfulness on top of everything else you do for me. I will never stop being grateful for you. Love you. <3
And to Robin Hill. They say it takes a village, but if that village had Robin, the rest of them would laze around eating bonbons while she handled everything else. I will forever be indebted to you, not only for the love and care you show me on a daily basis, but for the comfort I find in my worst moments because I know you’re there, taking every step with me. Thank you, always.
And all the love to my unseen angel who I know is with me always, whispering in my ear that love
