“Your best doesn’t sound anywhere near good enough if it means I’m going to die!”
“Thank you, doctor.” Karen’s voice trembled. “Can we call you later when Jess has questions?”
“Absolutely. And I’ll drop in again before I leave for the day.” He placed his hand over Jess’s and fixed his gaze on her face as if no one else existed. “I’m so very sorry.”
His sincerity wrapped around her like a python, squeezing her. She fought it with everything she had. “I won’t die. I refuse to die!”
He neither agreed or disabused her—he didn’t have to. His sadness-laden silence spoke louder than any words.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Libby struggled to concentrate. She’d been dogged by the problem from the moment she’d woken, stretched out her foot to tangle it with Nick’s and hit cold bedsheets. After a run and a shower she’d made breakfast, but the entire time she’d been bracing herself for Nick to walk through the door with the children for breakfast.
It hadn’t happened.
At seven thirty, Nick’s nautical tune had played on her phone. “Hi, Nick.”
“Mommy, we’re having café pancakes for breakfast!” Lucy said excitedly.
“How lovely!” Somehow, Libby managed to sound enthusiastic, despite the disparate emotions flooding her.
“I want to talk to Mommy!” Libby heard Indi demanding in the background. The usual wresting of the phone from her sister followed. “Hello, Mommy. Leo did a poo and it stinks.”
“That’s enough, Indi. Give me the phone, please,” Nick said.
“Me! Mine!” Leo’s voice drifted into the mix and then Nick was on the line. “Hey.” The word was infused with wariness.
“Hi.” The distance between them seemed so much farther than the actual two and a half miles separating them.
“Lucy’s saying it’s yellow day at school, but I thought it was next week. Can you check for me?”
“Wear a color” days at school were the bane of their lives, especially yellow and orange. Neither color suited the girls so there was little in their closet to use as an emergency backup when they forgot.
Libby read the note on the fridge. “Oh hell, she’s right.” Her mind raced, canvassing various options like dropping a scarf at school so Lucy could tie it around her waist, but Nick was already saying, “I’ll drop the littlies at daycare and then take Lucy to Target before school. I might just buy a polo shirt in every possible color so we’re not caught short again.”
“Good idea. Did the girls sleep okay?”
“The girls and Leo slept like logs. I was the one left staring at the deckhead half the night.”
His criticism of her was clear, but she refused to apologize. They had an agreement and he’d tried to change the rules without warning. “Hopefully, you’ll sleep better tonight.”
“I have to go or Lucy will be late for school.”
The line went dead. Libby felt like the bricks were back, stacking up fast between them.
Despite a busy clinic, she hadn’t been able to shift the feeling all day. She’d half-listened to the abusive message from Jess before deleting it and she’d been checking the email account each hour, but there’d been no new messages since Jess’s reply to Nick seeking more information.
Had Jess finally tracked down Nick’s new number? If she had, surely Nick would have told her? A dormant doubt niggled and her fingers itched to call him and ask, but instead she texted, Can you bring chai latte in thirty?
As she completed a standard insurance medical report for Felicity Longmuir, the words of their counselors, Teresa and Chris, came back to her: Do you commit to revisiting this when you’re stronger as a couple? The “this” being Leo.
Right up until the previous evening, Libby was convinced they were strong again—stronger than they’d ever been. But that didn’t mean she was anywhere near ready to deal with that child beyond knowing he existed and keeping her side of the agreement that Nick spend time with him once a week. This time, she wasn’t waiting for the cement to dry on the wall between them before seeking help. Even though it involved babysitting and a trip to Melbourne, she booked an emergency session for them to meet with Teresa and Chris.
Nick arrived with afternoon tea and despite exchanging a greeting kiss and a hug, she collided with his implacable tension.
“Have you heard from Jess?” she asked.
“Other than email? No. Of course not! I think it’s time to phone the hospital and find out what’s going on.”
“That’s giving in! It’s exactly what she wants.”
“Jesus, Libby.” He blew out a long breath. “I know she’s played games, but she’s obviously sick or she’d be out of the hospital. Right now, Leo is our priority.”
Your priority. Libby felt her teeth grind. “I’ll call Alice and ask her to take him tonight.”
“That’s not fair to Alice or Leo.”
“Don’t be silly. She loves kids.”
“That’s not the point though, is it?”
A kernel of shame pinched her that she’d forgotten Alice was dealing with the grief of not being able to have children. “True. I’ll ask Mom.”
“Libby.” Her name sounded like a warning shot. “If Jess has to stay in the hospital then Leo needs continuity with us.”
Anger fizzed. “Don’t push this onto me. I’m not ready!”
“I’m sorry you’re not ready,” he said quietly. The words weren’t reassuring and the unspoken “but” hung between them, loud and uncompromising.
“I doubt you want me to call the hospital,” Nick said eventually. “I probably wouldn’t understand what they told me anyway, but we need to know the state of play. If Leo is going to be with us for the weekend or longer, I need to pick up more clothes and buy diapers—”
The office phone buzzed. “Yes, Trina?”
“Libby, your mother’s at reception. She says it’s urgent. Do you want me to ask Ramesh to see Mr.
