Nick’s eyes flew open—the black of his pupils almost obliterating his irises—and he struggled to sit up. “What are you doing?”
“Looking for your phone.”
“It’s not there.”
Nick never went anywhere without his phone—neither of them did. “Where is it then?”
“I dunno.” His voice was agitated. “On my desk, maybe? I used it to order the diesel. No, that was the office phone …”
The pressure cuff on his arm inflated, checking his blood pressure. The numbers on the monitor leaped.
“It’s okay,” Libby tried reassuring him, not wanting to see his blood pressure rise any higher. “It’s no biggie. It will turn up. I just thought I’d check it to see if there were any urgent messages.”
“Unlikely,” he muttered, falling back on the pillow.
“My phone’s full of urgent messages from family and friends. Everyone’s worried about you, especially Jess. I better call her. Do you want to talk—”
“God, Libby! Why the fuck would I want to talk to Jess?”
Libby jerked back. In their nine and a half years together, Nick had never sworn at her—well once on Freedom during a race, but that didn’t count. He’d never sworn at her on land. She realized with a grip in her heart that this must be what fear looked like on him. Nick hated hospitals and the fact he’d allowed Missy to call an ambulance meant he’d been terrified he was dying.
Reaching for calm, she stroked his hair off his clammy forehead and kissed him. “What I was about to say was, do you want to say goodnight to the girls? But I think you’re a bit too stressed for that. We don’t want to scare them.”
Nick swallowed rapidly, as if he was trying hard to hold his emotions in check. He took her hand. “Sorry.”
The apology came out in a husky whisper and she stroked his cheek. “Will you be okay if I go and make a few calls?”
He nodded. “Get Alice to stay the night with the girls.”
Libby didn’t want Nick worrying about the arrangements, so she nodded, even though she had no intention of asking Alice when Jess was already at the house. Alice coming over would just be another disruption and she wanted things to be as smooth as possible for their daughters.
“Libs, tell the girls I love them.”
“Of course.” She kissed him again. “Try and sleep while I’m gone. I won’t be long.”
He squeezed her hand hard and his voice caught. “I love you and the girls so much. You’re my world, you know that, right?”
“Of course we know that. We love you right back.”
Chapter Seven
“A panic attack?” Alice stared at her twin, unable to absorb the words. “That can’t be right. Nick’s so easygoing.”
“I know! It makes no sense. But they’ve ruled out a chest infection, an MI, pericarditis, a dissecting aneurysm, cholelithiasis—”
“You know I don’t understand any of that doctor talk.”
“Sorry.”
The blue water of the lake glowed a silvery pink in the dawn light and the twins watched the view from a bench in the Pelican House back yard. Libby had texted Alice earlier asking if they could talk—just the two of them—before she went home to the girls. The request had surprised Alice given Jess was sleeping at Libby’s house and Libby usually debriefed with her best friend, but she hadn’t second guessed it. Instead, she’d embraced a rare twin moment and met Libby at the gate with coffee and blankets. Even in the half-light, Alice could make out shadows under her twin’s eyes that couldn’t be confused with smudged mascara. Libby wore exhaustion like an ill-fitting coat.
“They’ve ruled out all the big things and it doesn’t leave much else as the cause. They told me they still had some tests to run this morning, but I read the referral to the psychiatric intern.”
“Just fell in front of your eyes, did it?” Alice couldn’t believe Libby had read it—her twin was a stickler for confidentiality.
Libby grimaced. “Fine. I used my admitting rights to access Nick’s history, but I’m desperate. I can’t imagine what’s upsetting him so much that it’s making him sick. Or why he hasn’t told me. We tell each other everything!” She suddenly gripped Alice’s arm so tightly, Alice flinched. “Is anything going on at Pirellis’? Have you noticed anything strange at the office?”
“No. I mean, he was a bit grumpy the other week when J—” She tripped over her tongue, remembering her promise to Nick and quickly recovered. “When Jannick was late with his visa paperwork.”
Libby make a dismissive sound as if the information was irrelevant. “Some of my patients are complaining that tourist numbers were down this summer. Do you think it could be the business?”
“The boats were booked solid, Libs. I know. I cleaned all of them. A lot.”
“Then what can it be?” Libby’s hands tore through her hair. “I mean, surely if he had an addiction, I’d know.”
“An addiction? Libs, I really don’t think Nick’s doing drugs.”
“Of course he’s not. I know he’s not. His behavior’s not erratic …” Libby’s frantic gaze sought hers. “When I told Jess he was making himself sick, she asked me if I thought he might have a gambling problem.”
“That’s ridiculous!” Alice was both offended and furious on Nick’s behalf. “I know you’re grasping at straws, but gambling? Seriously? Rick’s in and out of the office and he and Nick meet each week. It would be pretty hard to hide any large withdrawals.”
“He hasn’t been taking any large amounts out of our joint account. I checked at 3:00 this morning. Of course, we both have our own accounts too so I can’t check his … Oh, Alice, I’m going mad. Things have been so great between us lately. I can’t imagine what’s stressing him to the point of a panic attack.”
“You both lost a baby,” Alice said gently, hating raising the painful memory. “A few months after Dom died, you said
