“And Libs, you know what I’m like when I’m half asleep. Sex is instinct. You know it is. It’s not like you’ve never crawled on top of me and woken me up slowly.”
When Nick’s half asleep, he lets me do just about anything to him. A conversation she’d once had with Jess about sex went off in her head like the pop and scream of fire crackers. Her mouth dried. Jess had always been interested in her marriage and the girls, happily listening to her prattle on about everything, including her sex life. Had she given Jess the tools to seduce him? The thought brought her dinner rising fast to the back of her throat.
Nick misunderstood her distress and wrapped his arms around her. For the first time, she allowed it, letting her head sink onto his chest and welcoming the soft lub-dub of his heart. In his safe cocoon, she tried to unravel yet again how a friendship she’d valued so much had gone so horribly wrong.
“Tesoro mio, I’d do anything to turn back the clock. I wish I’d never invited her inside that night. Wish I’d never gotten drunk. Hell, I wish she’d never been your friend.”
Suddenly it was her fault? The insatiable demons of distrust leaped inside her, brandishing pitchforks. She pulled back fast. “This is on you, Nick. Not me! You chose feeling good for a few minutes over our marriage. You took something wonderful, turned it inside out and ripped it to shreds so it’s no longer recognizable. I wish you’d never told me!”
“Believe me, ignorance isn’t bliss,” he said bitterly. “I owed you the truth about Leo.”
“A truth you hid for so long I don’t know how to trust you anymore.”
“I’m sorry!” His entire body pleaded with her. “I’m so, so sorry. I promise you, I’ve told you everything now. There’s nothing else. Please trust me.”
“Never lie to someone who trusts you and never trust someone who lies to you,” she muttered the quote she’d found on the internet.
Bewilderment spun around him. “But I’ve given you access to my phone and email. I’ve put up with being treated like a child, reporting in and meeting curfew. I’ve done everything you’ve asked and more. I don’t know what else I can do to make you understand that I love you. That I love the girls and our family. I know I hurt you, but honest to God, Libby, it’s time to let it go. We have to get on with our lives.”
Her heart beat so hard she heard the echo in her ears. “Let it go? Our lives aren’t a Disney song!”
His shoulders slumped and his chin fell into his chest. “Then what more do you want me to do to prove that I love you?”
“Do you miss her?”
His jaw worked as if he was grinding his teeth. “I don’t miss her at all.”
“Really? You saw a lot of her.”
“Not by choice.” His rich brown eyes sought hers, their gaze wary. “I’d be happy if I never saw her again.”
“Good.”
“But that isn’t going to be possible, is it?”
The softness of his tone sent a whoosh of prickling sensation streaking through her. “Why?”
“Because of Leo.”
A silent scream filled her head as it did whenever she thought about the child and her hands clenched. “What about Leo?”
“He’s the innocent in all of this mess.”
“You’re meeting your financial responsibilities.”
“That’s not enough. I’m his father. Despite what his mother did and how he came into existence, he deserves to know me.”
“No!”
Nick’s mouth tightened. “I get that you’re hell-bent on punishing me, but you can’t punish Leo.”
“You’ve lost the right to tell me what I can and cannot do. Let’s get our priorities straight and make things perfectly clear: the girls and I are your family. That child is hers. He’s nothing to do with us.”
“Libby, that’s not fair.”
Was he serious? “What’s not fair is being reminded every time I see him that my son died and you screwed my best friend.”
“And I’m sorry! Dear God, am I sorry. I hate myself for creating this nightmare and hurting the people I love most in the world. I know it hurts like hell that Dom died and Leo is here, but I can’t change either of those things.”
The ice around her heart that had begun to thaw hardened. “You can control it.”
“How?”
“By not seeing him. That also solves our problem about not seeing her.”
“That’s not a solution!”
“It is if you want to stay married to me!”
Nick’s dark eyes blazed and he studied her face for a long moment. For the first time since he’d dropped the bomb that had exploded their lives, she could see his apology and remorse waver. Guilt still spun around him, but so did a new iron clad resolve.
“That’s an ultimatum I’m going to have to think about.”
An unexpected chill settled over Libby.
The Kurnai Bay winter solstice celebration was underway. Unlike the previous year, when the event had been rained out, there wasn’t a cloud in the inky black sky, only a carpet of shining white stars. The organizers had decorated the park with lanterns and light danced across the paths while shadows leaped between the trees, giving life to the giant and colorful art installations. Excited children ran around while families and friends clustered on picnic blankets, drinking hot chocolate and listening to the live music, which ranged from Brian Baker’s Bush Band to the high school’s rock bands along with some classical violin and piano recitals.
Jess had arranged to meet Patrice and her family, but as she arrived at the park a text pinged onto her phone informing her that the Marceaus were running fifteen minutes late. Not wanting to set up on her own and wait like a sitting duck, giving people the opportunity to make insulting comments as they passed, she pushed Leo’s stroller over to the children’s tent. It was full, but unexpectedly quiet. Kids
