“I know I’ve been blind for years, but since I found out Nick is Leo’s father, it’s pretty clear you’ve accepted my love as a way to stay close to him. When Libby married him, you took off to Sydney without a second thought for me, but you didn’t let me go. I was too convenient, especially when Libby was hell bent on us becoming the ying couple to their yang.”
“What do you mean I didn’t let you go? You kept coming back to me.”
His voice cracked. “Did you laugh when I wanted to be your husband and Leo’s father?”
“No, of course not!”
“Yeah, right. I’ve been so stupid. Since you came back, you’ve virtually been living with the Pirellis, so you didn’t need me or any other bloke, did you? Jesus! I even defended you when Nick complained you’d moved into their marriage. Our friendship took a big hit over that. It’s still not back to what it was.”
Fear raced through her. Will had never been this blunt with her before. “I don’t know why you’re talking like this. None of it’s close to true. We’re friends. We’ve been close friends for years.”
“Maybe once, but not anymore. Casey’s right. The last few years have been toxic and damaging.”
“That’s an outright lie!” Her brain whirled, seeking examples. “When your father died, I took a week’s leave and flew down from Sydney. I did the same thing after the explosion on the platform and when—”
“We’re done, Jess. It’s over.”
“Don’t be stu—” The line went dead, leaving the sounds of silence buzzing loud in her ear. The rum and Coke turned rancid in her stomach, then rose to burn the back of her throat. She determinedly pushed it back down.
“He doesn’t mean it,” she said to the wall.
Except, even after their worst ever argument when she’d fled to Sydney after Libby’s wedding, he’d never called her toxic. She wasn’t toxic! She’d been a good and faithful friend to him for all the reasons she’d just told him, and then some. Back in the days when she had money, she’d even given him a short-term loan when he was buying his house to avoid a costly double mortgage. God!
It wasn’t her fault she’d fallen in love with Nick, any more than it was Will’s for falling in love with her. Hell, he should be grateful she’d been a true friend and protected him by refusing his proposal. Where did he get off calling her toxic?
You don’t know the meaning of the word friendship. Libby’s accusation played faintly in the back of her mind. Before Jess met Libby, Linda had moved them so often that she’d never invested in friendships. If Linda’s relationships with her friends were anything to go by, friendship involved drinking, acrimony, verbal abuse, stolen PIN numbers and the occasional punch. Jess had enough of that going on inside the house with Linda and her boyfriends so why open herself to more heartache and hurt?
But Libby had been determined to be friends. At first it was Libby’s physical generosity Jess found attractive, but it was her emotional generosity that tempted Jess to let her in. It opened her to a form of friendship she’d never known before and she cautiously gave some of herself, waiting for it to come back to bite her. It didn’t. It was a shock to realize that being open actually made her feel better about herself. For the first time in her life, she’d thought beyond herself. She’d been generous and giving in her friendships with Libby and Will, caring for them both and going the extra mile every time.
And now, after years of them happily accepting her love, support and loyalty, they said it counted for nothing?
What the hell did people expect from her?
Chapter Sixteen
August
Karen scanned the park, wondering if Jess would show up as arranged. According to Libby, getting to this point had been rocky.
“The bitch isn’t happy about it,” Libby had said when she’d outlined the terms and conditions of Karen’s offer to be Leo’s conduit.
Karen flinched. “Sweetheart, don’t you think that term demeans you?”
“If you knew the BS that woman’s been pulling over the last few weeks, you’d be calling her a bitch too! She’s leaving vitriolic voicemails at 2:00 a.m. Her emails are horrible. You won’t believe this, but she thinks she should be able to drop him off at Burrunan!”
Of course Jess was railing at having all the access arrangements for her son taken out of her hands. If Libby was in a similar situation, she’d be fighting tooth and nail too, but the red haze of her daughter’s anger clouded everything.
“What if Jess dropped Leo off at Pelican House?” Karen suggested, looking for a work-around that might diminish Jess’s blocking behavior without raising Libby’s hackles.
“No. Nick and I agreed it has to be somewhere neutral. The park works because if it’s wet, the library’s next door. Not that she agrees. When we wouldn’t budge on the drop-off, she started trying to change the day and time.”
“Sometimes things come up.”
“Mom! We’ve talked about this. She doesn’t get to set the boundaries. The only reason she’s trying to change everything is because she wants access to Nick. That’s never going to happen. She’s deluded if she thinks she can be part of the visit and play happy families.”
“Darling, I’m sure if Jess felt more involved she’d be less antagonistic. Perhaps if you compromised on some of the arrangements, things would be a lot less fraught for all of you.”
Libby’s eyes flashed. “Whose side are you on? You know I’ve made the biggest compromise in allowing the access visits.”
Talking to Libby these days took more diplomacy than the Middle East peace talks. It was a constant battle to steer the conversation toward reason without risking Libby getting upset. As Alice was currently persona non grata with her twin, Karen was desperately trying to effect change without upsetting Libby.
“I’m worried you’re making things harder for yourself.” I’m worried you’re pushing everyone
