Alice suddenly wanted a shower.
Was what Tim had done and planned to do worse than what Nick had done? Was Tim the Jess in this situation, using Alice? Had Tim dumped her months earlier for someone closer to home and now that had fizzled, he’d reappeared like the undead?
Worse than that, she’d been so desperate she’d fallen for it.
Humiliation joined nausea. For months, she’d been congratulating herself on taking control of her life when all she’d really been was a stupid and trusting idiot! Again! Only this time, she wasn’t the only person being cheated on. Sasha Classen deserved to know that her witty, charming, intelligent husband, the father of her two children, was a cheater.
A chance to regain her power flickered. Alice made a decision. She would find Tim’s wife and tell her.
I wish he hadn’t told me. The memory of Libby’s desolation turned the sweet taste of revenge sour in Alice’s mouth. Yet, didn’t Sasha Classen deserve to know? Or did she know already? Did she and Tim have an open marriage? Were they polyamorous? If that was the case, though, Tim would have told her. Put it on his dating profile. Mentioned his children! A thousand possible and confusing scenarios trickled through her mind, fogging her initial clarity of purpose and leaving her ashamed and ill-used.
Outrage roared. How dare Tim make her the other woman!
“… see you now.”
Alice realized the receptionist was talking to her. “Sorry?”
“Dr. Chu will see you now.”
Still dazed, Alice managed to get her legs to walk her into the consulting room. She took a seat, nodding at Lacey’s greeting and got out a “Good, thanks” in return.
“Before we start, Alice, I just need to check if you want me to send a copy of your results to Libby?”
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”
“I understand. Okay, down to business. How’s the cream working?”
All day she’d been thinking of sex with Tim but now her thoughts veered fast away from him and straight to Dan. Dan who was a generous and understanding lover no matter what. “It’s great. You saved my sex life.”
“Excellent. I’ll write you some refills. In associated news, your cervical screening test is fine. Repeat in five years.”
“Wow! That’s great! I like this new test.” The all clear focused her, bringing her mind back to one of the reasons she’d originally come to see Lacey. A plan she’d been fixated on until Tim had reconnected and she’d allowed pie-in-the-sky daydreams to take over. Well, timing was everything—at least she’d discovered the truth about the rat bastard before this appointment so she could get her ducks back in a row.
“Since I saw you, I’ve found out I can withdraw money from my retirement fund to pay for egg harvesting and freezing. I think you said last time that Monash was the closest IVF facility?”
“Before we get to that, I want to discuss the results of your blood tests.”
At the first appointment, Lacey had insisted on a full raft of tests before she wrote the referral. Alice had a history of erratic periods, which were either super light or running like a red river in flood. Sometimes she needed to up her red meat consumption.
“Am I anemic?”
“Your hemoglobin’s a bit low, but your estrogen levels are more concerning.” Lacey clicked her pen. “They indicate premature ovarian insufficiency.”
“What’s that?” Alice asked worried about the word, insufficiency.
“Early menopause.”
Menopause? Every part of her recoiled. “That’s not possible. I’m thirty-four.”
“Even so,” Lacey said evenly, “your hormone levels indicate that you’re menopausal.”
Alice’s mind scrabbled for purchase. “But—how? I get periods.”
“They’re very irregular, Alice.”
“But—but—Mom only got the change a few years ago.”
“Does she have any sisters who went through early menopause?”
“She’s an only child.”
“On your father’s side?”
“Dad’s sister is still having periods at fifty-five. I can’t possibly be going through the change!”
Lacey clicked her mouse and quickly read something on her computer screen. “Besides painful intercourse and erratic periods have you had any other symptoms?”
“No!”
Something about Lacey’s expression made her ask, “Like what?”
“Fatigue, irritability, depression?”
Alice laughed and heard the manic edge. “I’ve had all of those things, because of a major relationship breakdown, online dating that makes me feel like a piece of meat and working four jobs to pay my bills. Not because I’m menopausal!”
“Have there been any occasions you’ve flown off the handle without warning and been surprised by your reaction?” Lacey asked, her tone worryingly sympathetic.
“My mother’s driving me nuts about my current life choices so those explosions are totally warranted.”
I’m not an idiot, Harry! Stick to fathering your own kids. She swallowed, not able to as easily dismiss her reaction to Harry’s comment about her Dear Alice column.
Lacey continued gently, “Do you suddenly get hot for no particular reason?”
It was like standing on an empty stage in a pool of light with nowhere to hide. On and off for months, she’d woken with her skin on fire, frantically kicking off the blankets and blaming her parents for overheating Pelican House. She’d taken to wearing light clothing at Summerhouse, because she thought they kept the building super hot so the oldies stayed warm. How she’d dripped sweat a few minutes earlier when she’d seen Tim in the paper.
“Oh God.” She dropped her head into her hands as the group of symptoms laid down one on top of the other like planks of wood, making a high stack. “I never made the connection.”
“And there’s no reason why you would. No one expects to go through menopause in their thirties.”
Alice looked up and tried to corral
