Each time Jess watched her son toddle off with Karen to spend the afternoon with Nick, another bit of her heart crumbled. She’d anticipated Leo’s access visits with his father would include herself and that the three of them would continue to have short but undeniable family time together. During the long nights on the couch with her good friend Bundy rum, she dreamed up ways of seeing Nick. In the light of day, she knew Libby was just waiting for her to turn up at Burrunan or anywhere else Nick took Leo and the girls and use it as an excuse to revoke Leo’s already limited access to his father.
So much for Libby’s oft-repeated phrase “It takes a village to raise a child.” The six of them were supposed to be that village—one big, happy extended family living on a sprawling property. Leo deserved to have his father and sisters in his life every day. She wanted him to be surrounded by Nick’s love and grow up learning how to be a good and decent man, living his life with his family at its heart, not be a once-a-week visitor. But Libby was not only blocking it, she was making everyone’s life a living hell.
The town chatter about Nick and Libby had never completely gone away, having moments of resurgence when the gossip mill was particularly quiet. Lately it had started up again.
“Have you seen Nick Pirelli? He looks like shit.”
“You would too, if your missus had you by the balls.”
“He deserves everything that’s coming to him.”
“He didn’t murder anyone.”
“Women are evil. You watch. She’s put him through months of shit and then she’ll up and leave and expect him to pay for the lot.”
“If he wasn’t so whipped he’d have left months ago.”
“She should have left him. A clean break’s better.”
“I heard that Jess and Libby are bi and they shared Nick.”
“Yeah? Lucky bugger.”
“Wonder if Jess is looking to be part of another threesome?”
“I feel sorry for the kids.”
Wherever Jess went, she heard hundreds of variations on a theme, because despite her being within earshot, the fact she was the “other woman” meant her feelings didn’t matter. That and the urge to gossip was greater than people’s restraint. As hard as it was to listen to the talk, she craved it as a way of staying connected to Libby and Nick.
What the hell was wrong with Libby? Was she going to blow up her marriage? If she was stupid enough to do that, then Jess would grab the chance she hadn’t had in years and change that look in Nick’s eyes. She’d be there for him in ways she’d never been allowed to be before. She and Leo. They’d be the three musketeers. That hope had kept her going for months.
At least it had done until four days earlier.
Jess left the bakery as usual to pick up Leo from daycare but as she turned left onto the esplanade, she’d stopped short. Libby and Nick were walking toward her. Unlike the previous months when she’d glimpsed them from a distance and seen the vibrating wall of Libby’s antipathy separating them, this time they were holding hands.
Her unfulfilled hopes for Leo and herself detonated around her and she swayed.
When Nick saw her, he radiated discomfort, but at that moment, Jess only had eyes for Libby. “How can you forgive him and not me?”
“The fact you need to ask answers your question.”
Jess had stumbled home. Knowing Libby had forgiven Nick changed everything. The only gains Jess had managed to get for Leo had been by mining the fault lines between Libby and Nick. Now all the fissures had sealed shut and she was firmly locked out. Was access to Nick even worth it if Leo bore the brunt of Libby’s antipathy? If he became aware he was treated differently from his sisters? Less valued. Less loved.
Not loved.
Jess was all too familiar with the effects that sort of insidious harm inflicted. The hoop- jumping involved to get any scraps of attention. The self-blame and loathing that inevitably followed. She didn’t want any of that for her beautiful little boy. But her not wanting it for her son wouldn’t stop Libby’s savage rejection inflicting thick and livid scars on Leo’s pure soul.
Her rage blew as hot and as dangerous as the outback wind on parched grass. She wanted to throw Libby to the ground and punch and scratch her in the same way she’d once fought Tegan Drinkwater when she’d called her a slut. Like Linda fought when a woman stole her wallet. But street fighting didn’t belong in Libby’s world.
As much as Jess hated the idea, the time had arrived. She had to play the game Libby’s way and use the polite guidelines for conflict resolution. It had taken Jess five drafts but she’d finally sent a carefully worded email requesting a meeting with the presence of a mediator. It was exactly the sort of thing she knew Libby suggested to patients who were dealing with challenging health issues.
An email Libby had failed to respond to so far.
Jess hit refresh on her mail app again, willing the dots on her phone to stop spinning and for the mail to load. Eventually, two emails tumbled in. The second was from Libby.
“About freaking time!” It didn’t take long to read the brief correspondence that was devoid of both a greeting and a sign off. It was barely two lines in length.
With or without a mediator, there will never be an occasion or a reason that will induce me to meet with you. You’re dead to me.
Jess screamed at her phone.
Leo squealed in fright.
Then her stomach heaved and she vomited onto her feet.
“Knock, knock.”
Alice spun around from her computer and saw her father standing in the doorway of her bedroom.
“Dad?”
Unlike her mother, Peter didn’t comment on the chaos in her room.
