to give them to me one at a time.

After I had them all, I held out my hand to him, “Come help Mommy put them in water so they'll live longer.”

“K, Mommy. They're really pretty.”

“They sure are my beautiful boy. They are almost as pretty as you.”

“I not pretty. I's handsome. Daddy told me so.”

I laughed and looked at Brian. He shrugged and grinned at me.

“Well, Daddy is right, and Mommy is wrong. You are a very handsome little boy indeed.”

“Mason loves Mommy.”

“Mommy loves Mason too, very, very, very much.” He'd giggled at each spoken very, because I'd leaned down and kissed him on the nose at each one.

After putting the flowers in a jar full of water, we'd then left for a drive in the Ozarks, something Brian and I loved to do, and Mason enjoyed it as well. He loved to sing, so we'd play music and sing as we drove.

A sob broke from me, being physically here standing in front of their graves was ripping all the walls I had built up, completely down. After the first few months of crying over losing Brian and Mason, I had repressed almost all emotion that I had over losing them, I hadn't wanted to ever feel anything again.

“Mommy misses you so much, Mason. It's been so hard to keep going without you. I loved Daddy, Mason, but you sweet boy, you were what I lived for.”

Tears started running steadily down my face. I didn't bother to brush them off.

“Baby boy, Mommy read a saying by Voltaire, 'Tears are the silent language of grief'. It's so true, sweet boy. Mommy's tears for you will never run dry. Oh Mason, I want to hold you again, so much. To rock you back and forth in my arms. To sing sweet songs with you as you drift off to sleep.”

My sobs overtook me completely. God the pain. It was like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest.

I threw my head back and screamed, “Why, God, why.” My voice broke as I whispered, “He was just a baby. He couldn't have hurt anyone. He was so sweet, so innocent. Why him, God? Why him?”

I laid on top of Mason's grave and cried until I couldn't make a sound. My throat felt ripped and shredded by the tears I shed for my son. My heart was destroyed because the two people I loved the most in the world were gone forever.

I finally got up, bent over and kissed each stone, then I turned and walked off into the fading light. Only one thing now burned through my body.

Vengeance.

~*~

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

~Washington Irving~

~***~

Chapter 1

Everyone and everything that shows up in our lives is a reflection of something that is happening inside us.

~Alan Cohen~

Mad Dog

May 23rd, 1998

Thank fuck, it was Fawn and Melanie cooking this morning. The other two club girls, Molly and Valerie, couldn't cook worth shit. If it wouldn't piss off Fawn and Mel, I would pair each of them with either Molly or Val for cooking duties, then maybe we would have a decent breakfast every day of the week instead of every other day. But since Fawn and Mel were best friends, they would revolt and then we'd be screwed every damn day of the week.

Hell, it was long past due and with as many members as we have in the club now, it was time to find a few more club girls. The girls were already spread thin as it was and soon we'd be patching in more Brothers. Shit, two more might not even be enough. Needed to think about that, there were only six rooms for club girls and there was no way in hell that I was gonna ask a girl to share.

They deserved the right to have their own private space. Each one pulled their own weight here, even if some weren't very good cooks. But they kept the fucking place clean, did all the shopping, unless it was something that really needed to be handled by an Old Lady, and they did anything else that might come up.

“Morning girls,” I commented as I grabbed a plate and went to get some scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy.

“Morning, Prez,” Fawn said as she rubbed my back in passing on her way to the fridge.

Mel smiled, “Hey, Prez.” She slapped my ass as I walked by her.

“Watch it, girl,” I joked. “You might get more than you bargained for.”

“Promises, promises,” she shot back at me as she looked me up and down like I was about to be her meal.

My fucking cock didn't even twitch. I was starting to get a little worried. I hadn't even wanted to be with a club girl at all in the last three months. I sighed. I had an idea what was wrong, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to think about the reason. So, I switched gears and thought about how to make room for a couple more bedrooms downstairs. I didn't want any of the club girls upstairs at all, unless a Brother asked her to his room.

As I pondered on what to do about this, I made my way to the coffee pot, took one of the cups sitting out for use, poured me a cup, and found a seat at one of the tables in the dining room. It seemed like Mel, Fawn and I were the only ones up. Last night was Friday and the boys usually partied hard over the weekend, so I was sure a lot were sleeping off a night of drink and sex.

I glanced around as I heard someone coming into the kitchen by way of the back door of the Clubhouse. I smiled to myself as I watched Viper come

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