He nodded. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“That is what Liz sells. She does adult parties. And it turns out, she does them for couples. Except instead of bringing the products home, everyone uses them at the party. Together.”
His eyes widened like the kids’ on Christmas morning.
“I’m not going to one of her couples parties, and you aren’t going alone. If you want me to move here –”
He grabbed my hands and tugged me to him, nearly knocking me off of my heels. “I like it when you’re bossy.”
One arm wrapped around me, holding me tight against his body. Before he could take over, I reached up and threaded my fingers through his hair, pulling his mouth to mine. Let him remember the way I kissed when he had to sleep alone. No matter what, we always made love before he left on a trip, and I would imprint myself on this entire town if I had to.
We danced backwards until he was up against the lamppost. I ran my hands over his shoulders and down his chest, grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, and yanked it free of his pants.
“God Jess,” his voice was low and husky with longing. “The only thing better than makeup sex is when you’re jealous.”
I would have argued on principle, but he was right. There were times when we were hot, and it was usually when I thought I had something to prove.
“Do you ever get jealous?”
“You have to ask that after the way we started the evening?” He blinked and narrowed his eyes. “Oh, God. Now I know why Watts was staring at you all night. I was flattered, and now I’m pissed.”
I laughed, taking his hand and starting the walk back to the hotel anew. “Why did you tell him we’re having another baby?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it, I guess.”
“Really?” I’d talked to the man every day for the last twelve years and I still never knew what he was thinking.
The city was remarkably quiet. New York never seemed to sleep, but here life only pulsed from inside a few clubs, the bass thrumming out of the walls like a heartbeat. No taxi’s running the streets, no revelers carrying the party on outside. We made it two blocks in silence before Scott replied.
“Kyle doesn’t like me.” His pace quickened, but I kept up with him.
“What are you talking about? He’s three, he likes everyone.”
“He doesn’t know me, Jess. He fell last weekend at your folks house and he wanted your mom, not me. I ask him to let me read him a story and he’d rather wait for you.”
My heart ached for them both. “He’s three. He just –”
“I’ve missed his whole life because I was working. I’m an every other weekend dad. I just don’t have my own apartment.”
“It’s not that bad.” I couldn’t argue the logistics. He wasn’t home much, and when he was Janelle monopolized his every moment. She’d been able to get whatever she wanted out of him since she started smiling.
“I’ll be home for dinner every night here. I doubt I’ll be gone more than a few days at a stretch. I’ll have more time, and if we had a baby Kyle would have to turn to me for things the way Janelle did when he was born.”
“You want to have a baby to fix your relationship with Kyle?”
We reached the hotel and he stopped before going in, stepping in front of me with a sad smile on his face. “I’d like to have a baby I can remember. I didn’t see either of their first steps. I heard their first words on video. I can’t believe how fast the last seven years have gone by. Each time I come home I’m shocked by how big they are.”
“Me too, and I’m with them every day.”
I meant it to comfort him, but by his shrug I could see it had the opposite effect. “If you’re not interested anymore, I understand. You might change your mind once you see how different it will be here.”
I wanted to tell him I’d have any baby he was willing to give me. I wanted to fix things so he knew Kyle loved him. I wanted to be as sure as he was that we’d be okay here. Not just okay, better than we were at home.
I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know who I’d be outside of New York, outside of my world. Who would I turn to when he failed me if we were here? Would I forget myself and fall for the temptation of being wanted by men like Ted or Seth? I didn’t want to be that woman, but Scott had riddled our marriage with little disappointments, tiny fissures that would have cracked by now if not for the foundation of our family and friends. Without them to go to when he wasn’t around, how would I cope?
My heels clicked on the marble tiles of the lobby as we made our way past the bar to the bank of elevators. Another drink might quiet the thoughts sprinting through my mind, but we both had full days planned tomorrow. With each step I knew there was far more at stake from this trip than selecting a school for the kids or searching out housing prospects. I had a choice to make. I either had to say goodbye to my family, friends, career – my entire personal safety net – or I had to let my husband make the jump to the west coast alone.
It wasn’t even about the kids. He’d said as much outside. Because he worked so much he saw them little enough that their world would only be slightly shaken if he went it alone; it was mine that would be rocked completely.
The elevator doors slid open on cue, no doubt thanks to one of the
