“We’re not okay, are we?” I asked the mirror.
“We’ve been better.” Scott cleared his throat. “It’s been a rough couple of years, but we’ll get it back.”
Anger surged in me, and I wanted to rail at him. What did he know about the last few years of my life? He’d been everywhere but home, leaving me alone with two little kids.
I’d created an entire career in the void of his presence, leaning on my parents to care for the children while I did the legwork. It had started as an excuse to get out of the house and speak to adults, but grew into something lucrative that I loved. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to be doing, but it was what I could do around the kids.
My heard pounded, my body tensing in preparation for battle. Scott’s thumb traced a circle on the back of my hand, over and over. My gaze fluttered down to our joined hands, so entangled it was as if they’d fused together. What was I fighting against, exactly?
He’d never accused me of being the one letting the relationship go. He was travelling so much, and I grew tired of making every homecoming an event. I didn’t expect him to do a thing when he was home; I was used to doing it all myself.
We both just let other things take priority until us became an afterthought. So much so that my husband now thought he had nothing to lose by moving across the country, with or without me.
The rage that had filled me seconds ago snuffed out, leaving a horrid, empty feeling. Never had reality smacked into me with such vengeance. The elevator chimed, the doors opening to the plush carpeted hallway. We walked to the room together, as if everything hadn’t changed. But then he’d been aware of things for a lot longer than I had.
He held the door of the room open for me and I stepped inside, taking a deep breath. While we were gone the room had been tidied up, a vase of red roses on the dresser and rose petals scattered over the bed. He must have arranged for it before we’d left.
I knew what I wanted. The sheer panic coursing through me was confirmation of what I already knew. I wanted to be where he was, I had since I’d laid eyes on him that summer after high school. Moving across the country, away from everyone I’d ever known with only Scott to cling to was terrifying.
He’d checked out of our relationship, giving all his attention to work and only coming home for a day of meetings and a change of clothes. And I’d let him. I never called him on it. The first tantrum I’d thrown had come when he sold the apartment. When did I stop paying attention?
I crossed the room, coming to the floor to ceiling windows looking out over downtown Portland and the Willamette River beyond. Behind me Scott turned on a lamp, a warm light suffusing the room. I closed my eyes and tried to find the words to explain how I was feeling, but if there were any they escaped me.
“The flowers are nice.” I wasn’t sure what to say, where to begin.
“Portland is the rose city. I thought it might help convince you. There’s a rose garden that people come from all over the world to see.” Scott slid his jacket from my shoulders, the cloth rustling as he tossed it onto the armchair in the corner. He stepped closer, the heat of his body warming me. His arms wrapped around me, his chin coming to rest atop my head. It was a position we’d been in so many times, and yet this was the first time it didn’t reassure me.
“Did I do something? Should I have done something different?”
“Oh Jess, it’s not like that.” He kissed the top of my head, then released his hold to rub my arms. “We’re good, we just took it for granted for too long, I think. I wasn’t there for you, and then you didn’t need me, and nothing was wrong so there was nothing to fix. I didn’t see a way out of it until the buyout happened. I panicked because if I didn’t have a job you wouldn’t need me at all.”
“That’s not –”
He held my arms tightly, keeping me from turning around. “It’s how I felt, why I scrambled to make sure I had a position with the new company. It’s a fresh start, Jess. Give it a year. If you hate it here, we’ll move back. But we need the time to get us back on track.”
I wanted to argue that we could do that at home, but as I thought about it I realized he was right. We needed to learn how to depend on one another again, without the crutch that friends and family had provided. If we stayed, our relationship might limp along forever; but if we came here and focused on fixing things, we’d be able to walk on our own.
His hands curved over my shoulders, his lips following the path. Desire pulsed to life anew, replacing the darker emotions rolling through me. As he unzipped the back of my dress, deep in my belly a slow, molten feeling emerged.
The heat of his hands on me, the feel of his body behind me, and the length of his cock pressing insistently against my backside made me moan with want. I tilted my head back and turned it to kiss him. It began soft and gentle, but like a match on dry tinder, quickly grew urgent with the need to connect in the most primal way.
A riot of sensation rushed through my body, wrapping me up in the smells and flavors I knew so well, but there
