“You should,” I whispered. “We can’t go back to how we were. What we had before is gone.”
“I’m not asking us to go back to that. Hell, I’m not even asking for us to pick up where we left off. I’m asking that we start over.” He ran a hand through his hair; his eyes never wavering from mine.
“We can’t. There’s too much history and too much pain.”
Nash took a step closer, and the pain in his eyes intensified. “Give me something, Sam. Please. A second chance. I’ll do better this time because I know better.”
A tear fell from my eye. I hated hearing him plead with me. I hated seeing how broken he was. It made me realize that I wasn’t the only one who walked away from us as merely a shell of their previous self.
He had too.
“No,” I said simply. And then I walked inside, closing the door behind me.
I couldn’t give Nash a second chance because there was no way I could go back to the way I used to love. My heart wasn’t right anymore. It wasn’t capable of loving someone the way it used to.
Not even him.
Chapter Six
Another mosquito bit me as I grabbed a bottle of water from Gran’s cooler. We’d spent the morning fishing at the pond inside the campground, but I had yet to catch a thing. Gran, on the other hand, had already caught three fish.
I slapped at the mosquito, squashing him, and then sighed. “Yuck.” I wiped the bug guts on my shorts and then made my way back to my pole. “Nothing. Still. I could walk away from this thing for an hour and still not get a single bite.”
“It’s all your negative energy sending the fish away. They can feel it trickling through the line,” Gran insisted. “You’re never gonna catch any fish with that negative attitude of yours.”
“What negative attitude? I’m fine,” I said, twisting the cap off the bottle of water and taking a sip.
“You’re not fine. You’ve been stewing about Nash all morning.”
I frowned at her, even though what she said was the truth. The conversation I’d had with Nash yesterday kept playing on repeat through my mind. Every time I thought of him, I saw his broken expression and the torment in his eyes.
I felt terrible for the things I’d said, but they had been the truth.
“What happened to you wasn’t his fault. You know that, don’t you?” Gran asked in a whisper.
I shifted to lock eyes with her. “Yes.”
“It wasn’t yours either.”
My gaze fell back to the pond. While I knew what happened wasn’t anyone’s fault, it made me feel better to find someone or something to blame. Even if it wasn’t right. I’d blamed Nash for making me feel the way he did in the days leading up to what happened. I’d also blamed him for pushing me away before and after. But most of all, I’d blamed myself—my body—for betraying me by not doing the one thing it should have been capable of doing all on its own.
Carry a child.
“It wasn’t his fault, Sam, and it wasn’t yours. I know it’s hard to believe, and I knew it’s easier to blame someone or something else, but it’s the truth. You need to know that nothing either of you could’ve done differently would have changed the outcome of what happened,” Gran insisted.
Tears built in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling—the swell of emotion rising inside me.
“You need to let that blame go, honey. It’ll eat you up the rest of your life if you don’t.” Gran reeled in her fishing pole and set it aside. Her hand smoothed along my upper back before she moved to gather our things. “I think the best way to release what you’ve got bottled up is to talk to him. Tell Nash what you’re feeling. Tell him what you needed from him at that moment that you didn’t get. Who knows, maybe whatever he says will be the balm to fix what you’re feeling. Even if the two of you don’t get back together, maybe it’ll be enough to allow you both to move forward at least. You need closure, honey, and not just with what happened—you need closure from Nash. I can sense it.”
Tears streamed from my eyes. “I know.”
“You’re still hurting.” She moved to give me a hug, and I melted against her.
“How are you always right?” I asked.
“Wisdom comes with age.”
We laughed, but her laughter didn’t last long. It turned into a coughing fit. Her third of the day already. A heaviness settled over me. All I could think about was how much I would miss her when she was gone.
“Help me carry these things back to the cabin. I think it’s time I rest. You should go find Nash while I nap and talk to him. Tell him what’s on your heart,” she insisted.
I grabbed the fishing rod from her and noticed how drained she suddenly looked. “Okay. Why don’t you go ahead and sit in my vehicle? I’ll load everything up.”
“Thank you, honey.”
After I loaded everything up, I drove us back to the cabin.
“I’ll take everything in. You go rest,” I said to Gran.
She didn’t argue with me, which I knew was a testament to how tired she was. I watched her walk inside and felt a heaviness press against me—she wasn’t doing good. My limbs shook as I climbed out of my vehicle to unload our fishing gear and cooler. As soon as I popped the trunk, my cell chimed with a new text. I figured it was Karen. She’d called last night to make sure I’d made it to Gem Creek okay and to touch base with me on Damon Kincaid’s offer. Apparently, he’d contacted her after I declined by phone yesterday. She thought I was dumb to refuse, but then again, she didn’t really know what he
