He nods. Helpless.
“It’s real bad, ain’t it?”
His eyes grow wide with fear.
“If you touch her again, I will make you suffer. If you violate her privacy again, I will ruin you. Do you understand what I’m sayin’ to you?”
“What are you?” he whispers.
This time his insides roar like thunder, and tears stream down his face.
“I’m just playin’ with you right now. Don’t make me get serious with you. Do you understand?” I try to ignore it, but I feel just a taste of it again. A taste of the happy-happy.
He nods. I hear Anne Marie coming down the hall, so I release him. He races past her as she reenters. She glances at him and then just rolls her eyes.
“Evvie, I’m sorry, but I don’t have your shirt. Did you lend it out to anybody else?”
“Oh, you know what? I think I might have. Sorry for wastin’ your time,” I tell her.
“That’s all right,” she says, starin’ in the direction her uncle went.
“I wish he would just… leave,” she says. She wanted to say worse, but she’s too good for that.
“If he bothers you in any way again, you call me. I mean it.”
“What are you gonna do?” she whispers.
I take her hand and give it a strong squeeze. I need to get through to her, and I want the jube to help me.
I look deep into her dark eyes, and she gasps. Something got through.
“You don’t need to worry about him, Anne Marie. Ever again.”
20
Destiny
SHE TOLD ME TO COME at night. On top of that, she told me to come alone and to not use any magic to help me. Not that I would’ve, but I don’t appreciate being told not to.
I have to use my flashlight. It’s too wild back here. I shine the light on the house, and it’s dark as a crypt. Lord. She better not be leadin’ me into a trap.
I get to the door and walk in.
“Grammie Atti?” I call. No response. It’s so quiet and dark in here it feels like the place was abandoned long ago.
“Where you at?” Guided by my light, I creep through the kitchen, into the sittin’ room, and peer through the window that looks out onto her porch. She is not here, and her home is scary enough as it is. I don’t need to be wanderin’ around here in the pitch blackness by myself.
That daggone cuckoo clock goes off, announcing that it is ten, and I scream my fool head off.
Stop that.
I do.
Calm down and turn off that goddamn flashlight.
I sigh and do what she says. I concentrate. If this is how we’re gonna communicate this evening, I have to give it my full attention.
Where are you? I ask.
You tell me, she taunts.
I don’t bother responding to that. I clearly don’t know, and if I start guessin’, she’s just gonna holler at me.
What are you doin’ right now? she asks me.
I shrug. I’m just standin’ here.
How are you standin’? Describe and don’t move.
Describe how I’m standin’? On my damn legs.
I clear my throat.
Quiet, she orders.
I’m not standin’ up straight. I’m slouchin’.
Where is most of your weight? Do NOT move, Evalene.
On my right.
She stops speaking. The quiet gets loud.
Look inside, she says. What is your heart doing?
I take a second. I had a feelin’ this was what she was gonna ask me next. I start to feel like I understand what she wants me to see, but I don’t know why yet.
It’s pumpin’ blood through my veins.
Describe the blood.
Rusty red, viscous. Oxygen rich and warm, I say. Wow. I didn’t know I had all those words just waitin’ to come out.
Look outside. In which direction are you facin’ right now?
North… east.
Keep lookin’ outside. What’s goin’ on next door?
Next door? Now I’m stumped. I wasn’t prepared for that. I think I’m doin’ pretty well, but I don’t wanna be a Peepin’ Tom.
I don’t know.
Unacceptable. Don’t try to eavesdrop. Give the house one look and not with your eyes. Don’t imagine what’s in there. SEE it.
See it. How was I able to see inside my heart so easily? I can feel myself dropping down, down, down once again. But I’m in a brand-new space. I think this is a new band. I swallow and feel each individual molecule of saliva migrate down my esophagus to my stomach. This is a new feeling. It’s not about focusing my anger or my giggles. It’s about goin’ quiet and gettin’ clear. Finding perfect awareness. It’s like all my senses are under a microscope. Time slows. Details expand. It’s coming together for me. It’s purple and silver, this band. It’s powerful, but unlike the others, this one makes me anxious.
Answer, Evvie. Firm but not impatient. I answer her.
The Ellisons live next door. Mr. Ellison is worried they won’t make the rent this month, because he lost his job at the paper mill. Mrs. Ellison is afraid to tell him she’s pregnant again. Millie, the youngest, is asleep right now and dreaming about a car crashin’ into a truck fulla chickens. Jake and Ritchie are sposeta be asleep, but Jake’s the oldest and can sense his parents’ stress. Ritchie’s tellin’ his big brother a story about the kid in his class that peed himself during assembly, but Jake’s not payin’ attention.
I stop. That’s all I can see, and it feels like far too much. As soon as I see it all, it starts to fade away. My hands are jittery. The second the new band formed down in my special space, I could see everything as clearly as seeing my own likeness in a mirror. For some reason, it makes me almost feel like cryin’. Their lives are none a my business.
Do you understand how you did that? she asks me.
Not really.
Liar.
I take a deep breath and listen to the quiet. All my distractions fell away, so suddenly things inside me and outside me were
