“You have quite the family,” I said, gazing down at the towheaded little boys. They were a beautiful family and I felt a strange pull today, thinking of everything going on in my life and how long it would probably be until I had one of my own.
“Thanks.” He motioned with his head for me to join him and started to skate, Andy in his arms. Tessa skated beside us, holding Alex’s hand as he tried to walk-skate fast enough to keep up with Toli’s long strides. “It’s really all I’ve ever wanted.”
“A family?” I asked quizzically.
He glanced at me. “I mean, I’ve always wanted to play hockey, of course, but beyond that, a family. A wife I love, who loves me back, and a house full of kids. Love, laughter, and hockey. This isn’t what you want?”
“I guess so. Eventually. With the right woman.”
“Isla is not the right woman?”
“I thought she was, but now I’m not so sure. She’s pretty special, but things aren’t easy when she’s in Scotland and I’m here.”
“You haven’t made any decisions? Maybe for next season or anything?”
I shook my head. “We’re going to reassess in December.”
“Is she going with you to Limaj?”
“Huh?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Oh, you probably didn’t hear yet… The league has a game set up for us to play the Blizzard in Limaj on New Year’s Day. I think King Erik reached out to the league and offered to sponsor it, so they haven’t announced it yet, but it’s a done deal. They’ll probably say something official once the regular season starts.”
“That’s pretty cool,” I said. “And I’m sure she’ll want to be there to see her brother play, if nothing else.”
“You make it sound like it’s over,” Toli said.
“It’s not that, there’s just a lot going on. It’s not a big deal.”
“Daddy, look at me!” Raina came flying past us, doing her best to keep up with Anton, who was skating backwards and trying to let her catch him.
“Get him, my love!” Toli called after her, giving her a thumbs-up.
“Auntie Evie, look!” Gracie was calling out to Everly as Ian pulled her along at a brisk pace.
“Faster, Daddy!” Andy tugged Toli’s collar.
In that moment, I would have done anything to have Isla here sharing this with me. In fact, looking around at all the guys with their families, made me question everything I’d thought I wanted. If I left hockey, I’d never have my kids with me on family day. They’d never come to see me play or ask me about the games they had to miss or tell me they’d seen me on television. Hockey was such a big part of my life, it was scary to think I’d never share it with my future family. Maybe that was one of many things that scared Isla too. Too bad I’d never thought to ask her.
I’d begun to wonder if the uncertainty between us was because she ultimately craved stability and I was on the verge of making the kinds of changes that would be the opposite of stable. And now the question remained whether or not I could find a way to manage both.
23
Isla
It was good to see my family, sleep in my own bed, and even take Sassy out for a run, but the novelty wore off quickly and I wondered how I was going to last four months without Dax. I’d spent the first twenty-eight years of my life without him, of course, but it was different now. How did one go back to sleeping alone after so many nights of the kind of passion we’d shared? More than that, how did I go back to the long, dreary days of teaching, without Dax to look forward to?
I loved my job, but I’d come home to an unpleasant surprise in that department. Instead of my usual four, I had five classes this semester, which meant more time grading papers and less time in my lab. Not to mention, less time to potentially sneak off to the States for a long weekend with the man in my life. At the end of last semester, I’d asked my department head if there was any way I could cut back to three classes. Instead, I’d gotten an extra one, and I wasn’t at all happy about it.
“Good morning, Dr. Campbell.” My boss, the head of the physics department here at the institute, knocked briefly as he stuck his head in my office.
“Good morning, Dr. Graham.” I looked up with a smile.
“Do you have a minute?”
“Of course.” I turned to face him. “What can I do for you?”
“I wanted to apologize for adding another class to your roster,” he said, sinking into the chair on the other side of my desk. “I know you asked to have fewer classes instead of more, but enrollment is up and you’re very popular here. Your classes filled up before any of the others and we had one of Dr. Brandon’s to fill as well. You don’t mind too terribly much, do you?”
I met his gaze, knowing this was nothing but a polite formality. He didn’t care if I liked it or not. I already knew that about him. I respected the man but I didn’t really like him, and he did things like this often, almost as if he enjoyed reveling in the unhappiness of his employees. I’d been under the radar until now, so I pasted a smile on my face.
“Well, there are only so many hours in the day,” I said pleasantly. “And I do have to sleep once in a while. So I suppose my research will be on the back burner.”
He raised his eyebrows slightly. “But, Isla, dear, we worked so hard for the grant you got.”
“I know. That’s why I was so surprised to see I was teaching an extra class. But it’s all right. It’s not like we’re curing
