“Thank you.” I took a sip of chocolate and then reached for a scone, absently nibbling it.
She sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at my notebook. “Flats, eh?” She smiled. “You’re so much like your father, full of quiet but passionate fire. You don’t make a fuss very often, but you take action. It’s one of many things I love about you.”
“Apparently it’s not something Granddad loves about me.”
“Oh, he loves it too, but it reminds him far too much of your father. I don’t know if that fuels his desire to control you, but at the end of the day, Isla, you dinnae have to do anything you don’t want to do. Including moving out of your home.”
“I can’t sit at the dinner table and fight with him every night. It’s exhausting and I’m already exhausted.”
“What’s happened at work?” she asked. “I know you’re unhappy.”
“I wanted to spend less time in the classroom and more in the lab,” I said. “Instead, they’ve done the opposite. It’s as if I’m being punished for something.”
“Then you need to find out what it is,” she said gently. “And perhaps it’s time for you to spread your wings, my love. Just because you started your career here doesn’t mean you have to stay. Explore the possibilities. There’s a huge world out there, both in academia and in science, and I’d be willing to bet there are other labs and universities who’d be honored to have you on staff. Maybe even in Las Vegas.”
I smiled faintly.
Because she was right. But something was holding me back and until I figured out what it was, I couldn’t move forward.
26
Dax
The first day of training camp was usually a blast. We were geared up and excited for the upcoming season, and the team veterans, of which I was one, took great pleasure in hazing the rookies. We weren’t the kind of team that went overboard, but we certainly had had our fun over the years. Making them sing the Finnish national anthem at center ice, shaving cream on their cars, and a handful of other pranks that usually elicited a lot of laughter and mild embarrassment.
For me, today was different. Deep in my soul, I knew this would be my last first day of training camp. Nothing had changed, I hadn’t made any definitive decisions, and still didn’t have a plan, but I knew. As I looked around at my friends and teammates, men that had been a major part of my life for the last six years or so, I realized how much I would miss them. I took solace in knowing that the ones who mattered the most—like Ian—would be in my life forever, but I would still miss the camaraderie. Maybe I’d find it elsewhere, in another capacity, but what we had here on the Sidewinders was special, so I was going to soak in every second of it.
“You look like someone kicked your puppy!” Tore said, nudging me. “What’s wrong with you?”
I grinned. “Nothing. Just was thinking for a sec, but I’m great.” I reached up and playfully rubbed my knuckles against his head, making him grunt and take a half-hearted swing at me. I ducked and ran across the room with him in pursuit. We wound up in a mock scuffle on the floor of the locker room with half the team cheering and whistling, while the rookies looked on in wide-eyed confusion.
“All right, you two, get up before I bench your asses.” Coach Wylde came in shaking his head, but he was laughing since he knew us well enough to know we were just messing around.
“Sorry, Coach!” Tore got in one last punch before jumping to his feet with me right behind him.
“Wanker,” I called after him, making everyone laugh.
“My sister’s rubbing off on you,” Ian said.
“Well, her and five years of living with you.”
“I love my wife,” he said, “but there are nights when I’d do anything for one of our Xbox marathons.”
“You can come over any time,” I said.
“I may take you up on that before the season starts.”
“Or we bring the Xbox on the first big road trip.”
We high-fived each other.
These were the moments I would miss the most. The game, the scoring, the roar of the crowd was exhilarating, but this stuff touched your soul and lived in your subconscious. Friendship and camaraderie and memories. And I had a decade of those.
We weren’t getting on the ice today, instead completing a grueling day of skill competitions and watching the eighteen- and nineteen-year-old rookies trying to either make us look bad or catch up with us. Guys like Tore and Viggo were beasts, both on the ice and in the gym. Viggo was in his thirties now but still made the rest of us feel like Popeye before his spinach. And Tore, well, sometimes I hated working out with him because he was so badass.
I was in excellent shape, so I could hold my own, but those two reached a different level of badassery. And in whatever career I ventured into after this, I hoped to get to that same level.
The next few weeks were a blur. Between training camp and sneaking away to either practice on the shooting range or get in extra workouts with Kyle, all I did was work and sleep. I’d already dropped a few percentage points in body fat and was in the best shape of my life. I was blessed with a good metabolism, and once I started getting serious about my diet and workouts, everything came together quickly. I also slept a lot more, which meant I’d barely spoken to Isla at all. We texted, of course, so it wasn’t like I’d forgotten about her, but the time difference was wearing on both of us.
I loved her, but
