“All right, I understand that you can’t tell me details. But tell me more about what you want going forward and how I would fit into your life.”
I sighed. Here went nothing. I couldn’t tell her everything, but I could tell her the basics. “The things I’m looking at now would be long-term and stable, but the next two years will be…difficult.”
“In what way?”
“The training is extensive and complicated.”
She sighed. “Would we be in Las Vegas?”
“No.”
She frowned a little. “Where would we be?”
“I can’t tell you that, but it wouldn’t be anywhere either of us live now.”
“Is it somewhere I can get a job?”
I hadn’t even thought of that because I’d assumed we were done. “I… Honey, I thought we were over, so I didn’t look into that. But I will. I can.” I met her eyes and reached out to gently cup her cheek. “Tell me what’s going on with you. Something has to be going on beyond us breaking up.”
She smiled tremulously. “So fucking much.”
“Tell me.” We had to work through all of our issues, and her stuff was just as important as mine if we were going to make a go of things.
While I listened to her frustrations with her job, her growing disenchantment with teaching, and the unfairness of the situation, I felt her loneliness. How her hyper-focus on academics and then her career had left her somewhat lacking when it came to friends and anything beyond her work.
“It wasn’t until we were together that I finally felt whole,” she said when I just let her talk. “That I finally realized what had been missing in my life. I’d had boyfriends before, but what we had was different, and since we broke up, I’ve been so damn empty. And before you say it, there’s much more to what’s going on than my work. I could get a job somewhere else in Edinburgh without batting an eyelash. The problem is that anywhere I go, it would be the same. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m in a bit of a similar situation to yours, where I want more but I’m not exactly sure what, and the one thing I know for sure is that I don’t want to do anything without you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said gently. “I know how tough that is.”
“So where does this leave us?” she asked after a moment.
“It leaves us here,” I told her, reaching for her hands and resting them between us as we turned our barstools so we could face each other. “Here’s the thing. For us to be together, one of us is going to have to make the big sacrifice. And short-term, it can’t be me because of the time restraints. If I wait much longer, I’ll be too old to start this journey. So you have to think about what you want and how much you want me.”
She started to respond but I put a gentle finger over her lips. “Two years, Isla. That’s approximately what it’s going to be for me to get settled. If things work out the way I think they will, there will be a lot of time apart short-term, but long-term, other guys who do what I’m thinking about doing, have wives, families, so we can have it all if you’re willing to sacrifice now.”
“But how can I make a decision this big if I don’t know what it is?” she asked.
“If you think you, and our love, can withstand two years of me training for something completely new—”
“Will I see you at all?”
He nodded. “Oh, yeah, of course. There will be periods of time where you won’t, but yes, we’ll be together. The question is whether you’ll be happy when we’re not, because I don’t know about job prospects for you in the next year.”
“This is all very cloak-and-dagger,” she murmured.
“I know.” I brought one of her hands to my lips and gently kissed the back of it. “The next couple of years won’t be easy, and I know that. That’s why I avoided your texts and tried to keep my distance, because I didn’t want to force you back into an untenable situation that would only hurt us more.”
“But if you would tell me more, like where we might be, I could research jobs, lifestyle, everything I need to know.”
“I know and I’m sorry. But I can’t.” Technically, that was only partially true. I had signed an NDA agreeing that I wouldn’t discuss my potential employment with the Royal Protectors with anyone. I was currently in a holding pattern where they were doing a deep background check and digging into my entire life. It was mandatory in order to be part of the king’s personal security team, and that included Isla. I loved her enough to tell them she had to be vetted too, because in my heart of hearts I’d believed we would be together eventually. And if we didn’t get back together, she’d never have to know.
The other part of this, though, was that I didn’t want to tell her everything. I needed her to be willing to put her faith in me. I didn’t want or expect her to give up her career, but her degree wasn’t going anywhere, and my understanding was that she could get grants to do her research from a plethora of sources. It was more difficult if you weren’t affiliated with a university, but they had one in Limaj, and when I saw Sandor the day after tomorrow, I’d be able to
