Derek wanted it more, and if I didn't oblige I felt bad. I thought it was my duty as his girlfriend to make him happy, and the way that the other girls spoke about it made it sound fun. I started to embellish then, and when word got back to Derek he was actually really sweet about it. Instead of getting mad at me, we talked about our likes and dislikes, and how we could do better.
It was one of the most embarrassing conversations I had ever had, but after having it I started to enjoy sex. Derek became my closest friend, and he knew things that even Morgan didn't. There were times when things were going really well, that I'd start to worry about her taking him away. Like she'd given him to me as some kind of gift.
I'd catch him smile at her, or she'd wave at him from across the room. My mind would race, because I knew that all she had to do was bat her eyelashes and he'd be holding her hand instead of mine. I told him about my insecurities once, and he spent the entire night trying to wash them away. To his credit, he always made me feel loved in the beginning.
“Ronnie?” Morgan asked, shaking me from my thoughts. “I was only teasing.”
“I know.” I said, with a smile. “It's just... do you think I should tell him?”
“Do you want to?”
“I think I do.”
She grabbed her cell from the top of my dresser then, and handed it to me.
“Call him.”
I glanced at the alarm clock, noting the time. It was just after ten PM, and I knew he'd be getting ready for bed soon. I didn't owe him anything. I didn't have to tell him that I was leaving, but I wanted to. I needed to. So, I accepted the gesture and dialed his number. On the second ring I heard his voice, and my stomach immediately began to churn.
“Hello?” He said again, when I didn't respond.
“Derek.” I answered, softly.
“Ronnie! Oh baby girl, thank God! Where are you? Are you-”
“I'm fine.” I said, stopping him mid sentence. “I just... I wanted to let you know that I'm leaving for New York tomorrow.”
“New York?” He asked. “But-”
“I've already taken care of everything. The venues, the caterers, the flowers... everything's been canceled. I guess I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye? Baby girl please, don't leave. Not like this. Meet me? I'll come to you-”
“Derek-”
“Ronnie, please.” He begged. “I need to see you.”
Morgan's arms were crossed, and she was shaking her head no. I knew that she was right, but a part of me wanted to say yes. A part of me wanted to meet him somewhere. To feel his arms around me, and his lips on mine one last time. A tear slid down my cheek then, and I knew that If I did this. If I agreed to see him that I wouldn't be able to walk away again. So with every ounce of strength that I could muster I whispered goodbye, and handed the phone back to Morgan.
She immediately hit the end button, and then powered her phone off before sitting down beside me on the bed.
“Are you alright?”
“No.” I admitted, and she put her arm around me.
“He's a fool.”
“How do I shut it off? How do I stop loving him?”
“I wish I could tell you. Do you want to know what works for me?”
“What?”
“A sexy rebound guy.”
“How do you do it? Don't you feel uncomfortable? Insecure? Just the thought of being naked in front of a new man makes me nervous.”
“I guess I've never really thought about it. I meet a guy, we click, and one thing leads to another. Maybe it's because I know that I won't see him again? Or maybe I just don't care what they think? I'm not with them to impress them. I'm with them to scratch a mutual itch.”
“Don't you have to feel something?”
“I do. I feel an attraction.” She winked.
“You're right. I'm still a prude.”
“One night stands aren't for everyone, it doesn't make you a prude. It just makes you value yourself. It's a good quality to have, Ronnie. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself for being a good person.”
“Look where it's gotten me though.”
“You mean opening up your own boutique? Or sitting beside your best friend, about to embark on an epic journey to the fashion capital?” She asked excitedly.
I laughed. “Well, when you put it that way.”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, let's get some sleep. You've got a lot of driving to do in the morning.”
“Me? Why am I driving?”
“You know I can't function before stopping by Starbucks.”
“You're unbelievable.” I said, as I climbed into the bed.
“Don't worry, I'll buy you an iced coffee too.” She said, climbing in beside me.
I pulled the comforter up, and over us before turning to switch off the light.
“If you're making me drive at seven AM, you owe me more than an iced coffee.”
“Fine. I'll buy doughnuts too.” She yawned.
“Glazed?”
“Yes.”
“Custard too?”
“Yes.”
“What about those-”
“Ronnie if you close your eyes and go to sleep, I'll buy you the entire menu!” She quietly snapped with annoyance.
I giggled, and she swatted my arm playfully.
“Goodnight, Morgan.” I said, reaching for her hand and giving it a slight squeeze.
“Night, Ronnie.” She said, squeezing mine back.
As I closed my eyes, an image of Derek popped into my head. He was smiling, and I started to smile too. Then the image became distorted, and his face turned into two. The woman who fled my apartment was standing beside him now. They were holding hands, and she stood up on her toes to kiss the stubble on his cheek.
I opened my
