His family wasn't wealthy, but they were well off enough and he was a handsome man. He actually dated Morgan before me, but the two of them never hit it off the way that we did. At first, he was intimidated by me. But then, he started to embrace it. He began asking me for help with his business classes, and of course I was happy to oblige.
Looking back now, I think that's when our relationship started to change. It was the little things at first, like he'd forget to kiss me goodbye in the morning or he'd forget an important date. Later, he stopped telling me he loved me when he hung up the phone, and stopped holding my hand in public. Maybe the signs had been there all along, and I was just too wrapped up in Sew New to see it.
For the past six months he had been drifting away, and instead of asking him about it I let it go. Just like I always did. I let every damn thing go because it was easier. It was easier than dealing with the conflict, and the hurt that may have come along with it. Maybe I turned a blind eye, because I simply didn't want to see it.
The realization suddenly struck me like a bolt of lightening, and I started to cry all over again. My entire life I never felt good enough, or pretty enough. And now I felt it more than ever. I had let my own insecurities push Derek away, and when the signs were right in front of me I couldn't even find the courage to confront them.
“Oh honey.” My mom cooed, as she stood to pull me into her arms. “I'm sorry. I just want what's best for you. I know you're hurting, but just try to see things from Derek's point of view.”
I sobbed harder, and suddenly I wasn't sure if was because of Derek, or her. I loved my mom, but the outlook she had on life was nothing like mine. I think part of the reason she was so dead set on me working things out with Derek is because she regrets not doing so with my dad. I see the way she looks at him from time to time, and I can't help but wonder if things could have been different.
I felt my dad's hand on my back, and he rubbed it gently.
“You can stay here as long as you need, Ronnie.” He said.
I pulled away from my mom then, so that I was facing the both of them.
“Thanks, dad.” I said, wiping my tears with my hands. “I just need a few days to get my things together, and make the necessary arrangements.”
“Whatever you need.”
Whatever I needed huh? What I needed right now was a time machine so that I could go back and fix this whole mess. I'd go all the way back to high school to the first time that Derek asked me out, and I'd tell him no. I knew that Morgan had put him up to it, but I still said yes. I had her blessing, and that was more important to me than anything.
The most beautiful girl in school wanted to be my friend, and in doing so she made sure that no one messed with me. I had gone from the nerd who always had her nose in a book to insanely popular over night. Not popular enough to over shadow Morgan though. A part of me knew that was why she picked me, but I also didn't care.
When you're pushed around your entire life, it isn't hard to take the easy way out. Especially if easy involved a makeover, and a new wardrobe. There were a few boys who inquired about me, but Morgan always shot them down. She'd tell me later why we wouldn't have made a good match, and then she'd come to school the next day with the same boy on her arm.
It bothered me at first, but the more our friendship grew the more I stopped letting it. My grades were exceptional, no one was knocking my books out of my hands in the hallway, and I had Derek. Despite his short lived romance with my best friend I thought he was different. I should have known the one boy she let me have wouldn't live up to any standards.
Maybe that's why I stayed with him as long as I did? If we broke up in high school, would another boy even have dated me? Or would Morgan have just warned them all away? I didn't like to think of her as a malicious person, because she wasn't. When I drank too much at my first college party, she was the one who held my hair back and tucked me into bed.
Aside from the teachers, she was the only person who ever really took me seriously. I had no idea where I'd be right now if it weren't for her. So even with all of her flaws, I could never be mad at her. Her father was in the picture, but his way of parenting involved tossing money at all of her problems. She lost her mom when she was three, and was 'raised' by a slew of nannies. So even though she may have had it all, I often felt sorry for her. Maybe it was why I let her get away with so much?
After promising my mom that I would at least talk to Derek, she finally left my dad's place. I had absolutely no intention of following through on that promise, but some promises were meant to be broken. So, dad and I put his new train set together on the living room floor. We set the station up, and added the mini figures, and cars. I placed the trees, and
