“Why?” I asked again, with more conviction this time.
“I don't know.” He shrugged. “I was lonely. You're always with Morgan, and when you're here it's like your head's a million miles away.”
I shook my head. “Twelve years.”
“I know, baby girl.” He said, grabbing my robe from the back of the door and handing it to me.
“Who was she?” I asked, as I accepted the gesture.
“It doesn't matter.”
“How long?”
“Ronnie-”
“How long?” I snapped, as angry tears began to fall from my eyes.
“Why don't we go out to the living room, huh?” He cooed.
“No.” I said, standing my ground.
“It was a mistake Ronnie. A stupid mistake. We're getting married soon, and I just...you're the only woman I've ever been with. I guess I just wondered what it would be like-”
“You wondered what it would be like?” I asked, with disbelief. “We aren't talking about a new meal, or a new band Derek. You cheated on me!”
“I fucked up!” He said, raising his voice. “What more do you want? I'm sorry, OK! It was a mistake, and I swear to God it will never happen again! She didn't mean a God damn thing to me baby girl, I swear. It's you, and me baby girl it always has been.”
His voice softened with every word, and as he began to walk towards me a part of me wanted to give in. I wanted to tell him that it was OK, and let him pull me into his arms because they were all that I knew. Even though I hated him in this moment, those arms were still the place that I felt the safest. No matter how mad I was, or what kind of day I had. I always pretended that if I crawled into bed with him, and he wrapped his arms around me things would somehow be better. Until now.
“I can't do this.” I said, turning away from him.
“Ronnie, please-” He said, placing his hand on my shoulder to stop me.
The tears came hot, and fast then, and I could no longer hold them back. I brought my hands to my face, and then I dropped down onto my knees. I could feel Derek behind me, holding me, trying to console me and it only made me cry harder. The very person who I sought comfort from was the one causing me pain, and I had no idea what to do with those feelings.
“Baby girl, I'm so sorry.” He sobbed. “I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me.”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I needed to take control of this situation. Sitting here on the floor was getting me no where, and the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to walk away. Without a word I stood, and walked into the bedroom. I shut, and locked the door behind me, and then I grabbed my suitcases from the closet and began to pack my clothes.
I heard the door knob jiggle, and when it didn't open, Derek knocked on it lightly.
“Let me in baby girl, please.” He begged.
I ignored him, as I opened my dresser drawers and tossed their contents into my suitcases. He knocked again, and again, getting angrier by the second. My tears started all over again, and by the time I'd finished packing, the knocking had become so incessant that I thought I was going to lose my mind.
With my luggage in tow I flung the door open, and a very disheveled Derek nearly fell through it. His eyes immediately went to my bags before snapping back up to my own.
“Ronnie, please don't do this. We can work things out baby-”
“Move.” I said with conviction.
“No. I won't lose you. I can't.”
I tried to push past him, but his strong frame held me in place.
“Derek-”
“No. We can't just throw twelve years away because I was an idiot.”
“You did this!” I said abandoning my suitcases, and giving him a hard shove. “You! There is no we anymore!”
“You don't mean that.”
“There was another woman in our bed, Derek! Our bed!”
“You've done nothing but push me away! What did you expect?”
“So it's my fault that you couldn't keep it in your pants?” I asked with exasperation.
“I'm a man, and I have needs!”
I don't know what came over me, but hearing those words just set me off. Without thinking I raised my hand, and I slapped him right across his face. He was completely stunned. I wasn't a violent person. I let everyone walk all over me just to appease them, and tonight... I had finally had enough.
I snatched my suitcase handles, and I marched past him only stopping to grab my purse from the counter. It wasn't until I'd reached my car that I realized I was only wearing my bathrobe. I couldn't turn back now though, because if I did I may not have the strength to leave again. With fumbling hands I opened the trunk, and tossed my bags inside before shutting myself into the car.
As I pulled away from my building there was only one place that I wanted to be. So, I blue toothed my phone to my radio and I called my Dad.
TWO
MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED when I was thirteen years old, but I still had a great relationship with both of them. I was equally close to both of them, but I knew that my dad wouldn't ask any questions. He'd open the door, and pour me a glass of whiskey while I put my things away. He'd tell me about his day, and we'd get into a discussion about the latest antique he'd found at the flea market. I needed easy conversation right now. No explanations, no tears, just... easy.
It was after ten when I pulled into his driveway, and I could see him sitting in the front room. He'd turned the porch light on for me, and I smiled at the small gesture. I parked my car beside his truck, and then I grabbed my purse. I decided to
