“It's not too late you know. We can skip the talking, and go straight to the-”
“No.” I said, stopping him. “I want to know. I need to.”
He nodded, before sitting down on the side of the bed, and patting the space beside him. I took the space he offered, and we sat so that we were facing each other. He ran his hand through his still damp hair nervously, before giving me a soft smile.
“I guess I should start at the beginning.”
“OK.” I smiled back, reaching for his hand in a show of support.
“I met Abigail when I was sixteen. I know it sounds cliché, but it really was love at first sight. For the both of us. We dated all through high school, and our freshman year of college, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.”
My eyes met with his then, and clearly he could see the concern there because he gave my hand a squeeze. I nodded gently for him to continue.
“Her initial thought was to fight it, and she did. She did chemotherapy, and radiation, and for a few short months she was even in remission. She changed her diet, exercised regularly, and did anything, and everything the doctor's suggested, but it came back. It was more aggressive the second time, and by the third, it had begun to spread. She was only twenty-five when she died, and that was nearly four years ago.”
“Owen.” I said, as a tear slid down my cheek. “I'm so sorry.”
“We pushed our wedding up, because she insisted on taking my last name. I couldn't deny her anything, not even when she was healthy. I honestly felt like she was the love of my life. For two years, I didn't even talk to another woman. I put everything into my lyrics. I moved away from home, and tried to make a name for myself just like I knew she wanted me to. When I finally decided to try again... to date a little, I felt like I was betraying her. So instead of getting attached, I slept around. I used sex as a coping mechanism, and for a long time I thought that it was enough. I thought that by keeping women at arms length I wasn't betraying what I had with Abigail, but I was wrong. I realized that living my life the way that I have been, wasn't honoring her at all. I'm still here. I have a life to live, and she doesn't. How is it fair of me to squander that?”
“I don't know what to say. Of all the things you could have told me, I never in a million years would have suspected this. I guess it makes sense now. All the hot, and cold. I'm truly sorry if I pushed you.”
He took both of my hands in his then, and ran his thumbs over them.
“That's just it, Ronnie. I needed the push. I can't explain it, but there's something about you that makes me want to try again. It makes me want something real, again. And like I said, it scares the living hell out of me. The last time I let myself feel something, I lost it. I lost her. I don't know if I could handle something like that again. I know you said you'd be alright with just sex, but the truth is I don't know if I can give you that, and not want more.”
Holy shit. My mind was completely blown right now. I was expecting to hear that he was married, or that he had some secret love child somewhere. Never in my wildest dreams did I think a man like him would want anything like he was describing with someone like me. If anything, he and Morgan had more in common than I'd like to admit. They both used sex to try and avoid feelings, but truthfully they were the ones who felt the deepest.
“I know it's a lot to take in.” He said, drawing my attention back to him. “And I don't expect you to feel the same way, or any way really. I just needed you to understand.”
“I can't say that I know what a future would look like for the two of us. What I can say, is that I like you. I see you, and my heart races. When I think about the day you took me on the bike, it was the day that I felt most like myself in years. Every time you smile at me, it's contagious. I look at your lips, and all I want to do is kiss them. I know everything I'm saying right now probably sounds so cringe-y, and I promise I'm not some kind of stage five clinger. I just need you to know before we go any further here.”
“Does that mean you want to wait?” He asked.
“Do you?” I countered.
“Hell no.” He laughed.
“Oh, thank God.” I laughed back just before he pulled me into his arms, and kissed me senseless.
His lips slid over mine like butter, and soon he was positioning me so that I was straddling his waist. I deepened our kiss, as his hands roamed from my back, to my hips, before landing on my ass. I could feel him growing hard beneath me, and he squeezed my ass cheeks urging me to grind against him. He didn't have to tell me twice. I started to work my hips in a frenzy, and he groaned into my mouth.
I tangled my hands in his hair, and soon I was moaning right along with him as the friction between us started to become too much to handle. He dipped his head to the crook of my neck, licking, and nipping me there. I moved my hips faster against him then, and he reached for the hem
