I inhaled sharply. “What?”
He nodded. “We tried to get pregnant almost immediately after we got married. Months turned into a year, then two. They did every test they could, and then determined she wasn’t able to get pregnant. When we ended up getting pregnant with you—” He let out a soft laugh and looked into my eyes. “We had never been so happy, and your mother, God, Timberlynn, it was like her purpose in life was being filled. She was so happy.”
I smiled and let my tears fall freely.
“No, baby girl, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”
I sniffled and wiped my tears with my free hand, before drawing in a shaky breath. “Don’t stop talking, Dad. Please don’t stop telling me about her.”
He closed his eyes and then opened them. I could see the sadness, and I wasn’t sure if it was from talking about my mother, or simply because this was the first time in years, maybe in forever, that he’d shared anything with me about her.
“I had never seen her so happy. She prayed so hard for you, Timberlynn. Wanted you desperately.” He cleared his voice when it cracked.
“When she died in the accident, I was so angry with God for taking her away from you. Why would He give her this gift, only to take it away? She should have been there to see you grow up. To see all the amazing things you’ve accomplished.”
“Dad, is that why you never remarried?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and then let go of my hand to drag his own down his face. “Hell, Timberlynn. I don’t know how to explain to you how messed up I was after losing your mom. And when I saw someone get too close to you, I’d panic. Yes, I was lonely, but none of those women would ever be able to replace your mother.”
“But she’d want you to be happy.”
“I’m not sure I know how to be happy that way again, sweetheart.” He exhaled quickly and then slowly shook his head. “After your mother died, I sort of lost a piece of myself. She was my entire world, and when she was gone, I was confused. Angry. Hurt. Filled with guilt that I got to see you grow up, our little miracle baby, and she couldn’t. Then one day you were on a swing and you fell. Your knee got busted up, and I saw the blood. Something inside me switched, and I closed down. The thought of you being hurt or taken away from me was something I knew I couldn’t mentally handle. And the more you grew up, the more I saw your mother in you.”
“You didn’t want to be around me because I reminded you of her?” I asked so softly even I had a hard time hearing myself.
“No, sweetheart, God, no. I wanted to be there for you, but I was afraid that I’d let myself get…I don’t know…too close to you and something would happen. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you like I did your mother. I also felt responsible for the accident.”
I gasped and reached for his hand. “Daddy, no. It wasn’t your fault.”
Tears filled his eyes and he closed them. My heart broke as I watched him deal with all of this. Had he held all of this in for so many years?
“Dad, the accident wasn’t your fault. You have to know that.”
He nodded. “I want you to know I was there, sometimes, at your events. Especially the dressage events. I showed up late a few times,” he said with a laugh. “But I did watch you. You reminded me so much of your mother. It was hard for me to be there, and looking back on it now, I know it had to have hurt you to think I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry, Timberlynn. God, I’m so sorry.”
“You were there? I never saw you.”
“Like I said, my way of thinking since your mother passed away probably hasn’t been very healthy for either of us.”
I looked down at the table and let everything he said process, then I looked up at him again. “Why now? Why are you telling me this all now?”
“When I found out you had left Atlanta and moved to Montana, I nearly fell to the floor. In that moment I realized that after all those years of keeping myself guarded, I had lost you anyway. I was so angry, but not at you. At myself. Then when I found out you were buying property here, I sort of…”
“Lost your damn mind?”
He chuckled. “Yes. Exactly. But I think it’s worked out for the best. At least Tanner thinks it has.”
I smiled. “What do you think about Tanner, Daddy?”
His eyes lit up like Christmas morning. “God, how I’ve missed hearing you call me that, Timberlynn.”
“I’ve really missed saying it.”
With a nod, he went on. “I like that boy. He’s smart and madly in love with you and wants to make your dreams come true. Plus, I like his father. He reminds me of my best friend from college.”
I laughed. “I think he likes you as well. Stella likes you too.”
“That’s good, because I came to a decision today.”
My heart sped up and I had to force myself to breathe. “Wh-what decision is that?”
“I’d like to stay in Hamilton for a few extra weeks. Look around, take it all in.”
“Are you serious? Do you want to move here?”
He held up his hands and laughed. “Hold on now, I’m not saying that. But if my only daughter is going to be living here, starting a new business, and possibly getting married someday, I want to be a part of it. I’ve missed so much, and I don’t want to miss anything else.”
My hand came up to my mouth, and I couldn’t contain my sobs.
“Would you like it,
