I’d only given my heart fully to two people. And they had ended up leaving me in some form or fashion. For years I struggled with why my mother had been taken from me when I was little. With my father’s refusal to ever talk about her, it was like I lost her over and over again. Then my father’s lack of interest in me seemed to be the ultimate betrayal. I always came back to the same conclusion: I wasn’t good enough to have a mother in my life. I hadn’t been good enough to help my father heal from my mother’s death.
When I looked back up at Tanner, his brows were pulled down slightly, and those pale blue eyes stared directly into mine. “We can go into my father’s office—it’s too cold to stand out here and talk.”
“That sounds good,” I agreed as I followed him through the back door and into the large mud room. After I took off my coat and gloves, Tanner took them from me and hung them up. He truly was such a gentleman. I’d never had a man treat me like I was the only thing they thought about in the moment. I liked how that made me feel, and I felt myself smile.
“Follow me,” he said with a grin that made my heartbeat race faster.
As we walked into the kitchen, I noticed everyone was already here. Lincoln glanced over and noticed us first. She had Morgan in her arms and gave me a wink when I met her gaze. How in the world was she going to bake while holding a baby? Tanner walked over to his dad. “Can we use your office for a second, Dad?”
Ty Senior looked up from the dough he was already mixing. “Of course.”
Tanner gave him a quick nod of thanks, and then started walking out of the kitchen. I envied the relationship this family had with one another. How many times had I longed for a family like this? Too many to even count anymore.
Hardly anyone even noticed we had left. You could feel the excitement in the room, but even that couldn’t lift my suddenly darkened mood. After being so happy with the find earlier, I was quickly falling into a depression, and I had no idea why.
Damn it all to hell! Why did I have to be so afraid to open up my heart?
We walked through the living room and to an area of the house I hadn’t been in yet. Tanner opened a door at the very end of the long hallway and stepped inside. I scanned the room when I walked in. It screamed Ty Senior.
Pictures and paintings of cattle, horses, and what looked like places on the ranch were placed on every single wall. On one was a collection of paintings and drawings that looked to be from all the boys, Blayze included. I walked up to them and grinned as I read the names.
Brock Shaw, age nine. Beck S, age six. TJ, age eleven. Then I came to a painting of a horse. It was done amazingly well, even though you could tell small hands painted it. My heart tumbled as I read the name. Tanner Michael Shaw. Twelve.
I slowly shook my head. “You painted this at twelve years of age?”
The painting was of a buckskin running in an open green pasture. It was dotted with what looked like flowers. I recognized the view. It was looking down from the ridge he had taken me up to on my second day here. The sky in the back was a beautiful mixture of pinks, oranges, and yellows as the sun sank low on the horizon.
Tanner walked up and stood next to me. “I did. I was bored out of my mind one spring day, and my mother challenged me to go paint something on the ranch. It was when I discovered the ridge. I mean, I’d been up there before plenty of times, but that was the day I saw its true beauty. I started to paint it, and then waited for the sun to start setting so I could see what the sky looked like. I quickly painted what I saw, and then got my butt home. I don’t even want to tell you the trouble I got into with my mama for getting back to the barn near dark.”
I chuckled as I glanced from the picture to him. He was staring at it with a smile on his face.
With a spin around the office, I took the rest of it in. A large leather sofa sat at one end of the room. A giant picture window was behind it, and I gasped as I saw the view. A rolling pasture made way to a mountain range that was fairly close to the house. The way the sun reflected off the snow made it sparkle like a million diamonds. It was truly stunning. On the other side of the room was a large fireplace with two oversize leather chairs on either side. I imagined the boys playing in this room when they were younger.
“My goodness. Every single room in this house I swear has a different view.”
Tanner chuckled. “You should see the view from my bedroom.”
I turned and slightly raised a brow. “I’m sure it’s equally impressive.”
He laughed. “I like to think so.”
I shook my head, and the sinking feeling of sadness suddenly came back in a whoosh. I needed to be honest with him before I let things grow between us, because I knew I was sending him mixed signals. This was the moment I needed to decide what to do about my attraction to Tanner. Give in to it or tell him we had to only be friends.
