“Not exactly, no. I met your father—Chris, I met Chris in college, but I knew Jason already. I was the one who introduced them.” My brows furrow as I try to catch up, but I need more information. “Jason was my best friend in high school. We were on-again, off-again, dating casually, but we realized we were better off as friends. It was never anything serious, which was why I felt comfortable enough to invite him to the wedding.”
I sigh, partially wanting her to get a move on with the story, but the other part of me wants to know it all.
“Chris and Jason hit it off right away. They were both interested in the same stuff, both businessmen in their own right, but Chris wanted more. He didn’t want to work for a business anymore. He dreamed of running one. He’d formulated the idea, had business plans drawn out; there was only one thing he was missing: capital.”
“So, they went into business together. I get it, Mom, but can you get to the part where you slept with him?”
Her eyes fall downcast, but I don’t care. She did this to herself. Then again, if she didn’t cheat on Dad, I wouldn’t be here.
“Things were good for a while, for several years, really. Carson was born and then Lucas. The business was booming and I was able to stop working as the stand-in secretary and focus on being a full-time mom. But then the market crashed. Things got tough, tension was high. Your father and I started fighting, both of us displacing our anger onto each other. Me, from exhaustion and frustrations that come with being a stay-at-home-mom; and your father from the stress of his business crumbling and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Jason took more of a backseat on the day-to-day once business was booming. He was mostly a silent partner, the CFO, the man who dealt with and had the money. With the markets crashing, Chris needed more money to save the company. That’s when he reached out to Jason. He called and called and called, but Jason never picked up the call. Chris came home, angry and frantic, ready to rip Jason’s head off. I offered to drive to his place to see what was going on. It was a win-win, it gave Chris time to cool off and be with the kids and it gave me a moment of freedom. I didn’t expect to see what I saw when I got to his place.”
She takes a deep, shaky breath before continuing. “His door was unlocked and ajar. It was only six p.m. but there were a handful of people passed out in the living room. I climbed up the stairs of his house, searching for his bedroom. I found it and he was passed out on his mattress alone. There were pills on his nightstand, a lighter and a pipe, and scattered beer bottles. He was using again.”
“Again?” The word burst out from between my lips before I even registered it.
“In school he was always taking Adderall he wasn’t prescribed and pain pills, but I never saw it this bad. He was a functioning drug addict. Chris nor I ever had any idea he was using. It didn’t help with how much he pulled back from the company.” Her gaze is far-off as if she’s lost in her memory. “I woke him up, but it was like waking the dead. His body was covered in a cold sweat. I had to shake him and holler for him to hear me. For a minute, I was convinced he was dead. I almost called for an ambulance, but then he woke up.
“We had it out. I screamed and cried. He was my best friend and he had a problem. I told him I couldn’t have an addict around my kids. He was pissed and in denial. I didn’t see him for two weeks after that night.”
“You just left him?”
“He wasn’t my problem to solve, Flynnie.” Her tone is soft, broken, but her words, to me anyway, are callous. “I had kids to worry about, money and personal problems. It was too much.” Her voice cracks. I can imagine it was a tough call to make.
“But he came back. I mean obviously he came back.”
“He did. He called me one night crying. He was scared and he knew he couldn’t do it on his own. Since I knew him for years, I went over to his place. I was going to drive him to a rehab center and get him help. We were together for several hours before I took him in. We just wanted to…be…for a little while. We talked and reminisced like old times. I was scared for him, more scared than I’d ever been. It was then, in that moment, that I realized he was never a casual fling for me. He was my first love and I needed him around. I needed him to get better so he’d always be in my life.” She gulps, staring down at her shaky hands.
“I kissed him. It was my fault. He was scared and leaning on me and we were talking about our lives together up until that point and the feelings churned until I couldn’t contain them. We slept together that night. Afterwards, I drove him to rehab and I sobbed as we kissed goodbye. I never told Chris.”
“So, where’s Jason now? Does he know about me? Does he want to meet me?” Do I want to meet him?
Her eyes brim with tears once more. “I think he knew, but I never confirmed it. He didn’t know your dad got a vasectomy. I even went so far as to get a paternity test for him, but
