Where the hell am I?
The loud vibrating of my phone rattles against the floor. I reach down off the side of the couch I’m lying on and silence the offending device. It’s splitting my head in two listening to it bounce against the hardwood floor. As soon as it’s silenced, it starts vibrating again. What the fuck? I take in my surroundings for the first time through a half-open eye-lid.
I’m in Cara and Dani’s apartment in an oversized t-shirt I don’t remember putting on. I must’ve crashed here, though I have no recollection of how I got here or what else happened last night.
“Need coffee?” Cara asks, pushing my feet to the side to sit beside me as she hands me a mug.
“Black and in a vat, preferably.” My head throbs as I sit up and my stomach recoils from the motion. I glance at my phone and see a handful of missed calls from Liam. Shit.
Flynn: I’m okay. I crashed at Cara’s last night. Sorry I forgot to call.
As far as apologies go, mine is pretty lame, but I don’t know what else to tell him right now. As I sip my coffee, the events of last night play back in my mind like I’m looking at snapshots. I remember following Damon into the bathroom to do a line. I also remember not feeling high enough, the effect was reduced and not what it usually was. So I did two more.
Damon came onto me, no surprise there, but I had enough sense to turn him down, thank fuck.
Once we got back to the table, I chugged my beer. My friends were all doing shots while they were assuming Damon and I were doing each other. They offered me one, but I was starting to feel loopy.
The panic set in after that and the realization that I couldn’t go home to Liam like this. He’d be so disappointed in me, and when I tell him the truth today, he’s still going to be upset.
I’m mad at myself for backsliding. It’s not like I want to be boring and sober, but knowing what I know now about my birth father, I shouldn’t risk it or put myself in these situations.
God, when did I become so fucking lame?
“Dani stay at her boyfriends?” I ask.
“Yup,” Cara nods before looking for dirt on me. “So, what’s going on with you and Damon? You two are always so hot and cold. You should cave and get back with him already,” Cara says between sips of her coffee.
“Absolutely not. There is nothing going on between us and there never will be again.”
“Why? He’s into you. You’re both single and get along great. You two always sneak away together every time we go out. It’s not like it would be much of a surprise.” Cara eyes me, trying to understand what she’s missing.
“I’m not into him, okay? I’ve moved beyond that chapter. That book has ended and I’m never planning on rereading it.” I run a hand through my hair. I’m completely over this conversation. I start walking through the apartment to find my clothes I wore here yesterday.
“Who the hell even are you anymore?” She calls after me. “I barely recognize you. You vanished and don’t even talk to us anymore. At least if you were with Damon we’d see you again.”
“It’s not going to happen, Cara. Drop it. He’s no good for me.” I find my clothes and get changed, knowing this argument is going downhill fast.
“Okay, when did you become Mister Rogers?”
I’m grateful Dani isn’t here to put in her two cents. Since she’s the one cuffed, I’m normally fighting with her over this, not Cara.
“I’m actually doing good for once in my life, can’t you see that? Last night drug me back down to a place I don’t want to be. My birth father was a drug addict and I confided in you last night, but you don’t even care. You’re all about the party and I’m over that scene.”
“Since when? You’ve been all about the party your entire life. Until therapy,” Cara spits.
“Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe I’ve grown up. You should try it sometimes.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be acting all holier than thou as if you’re a born again Catholic or some shit.”
“I really don’t need this from you right now. I have enough to deal with. Call me when you grow the hell up.” I storm out, not bothering to utter a goodbye to the person I thought was my best friend.
Twenty-Seven
Flynn
“I’m sorry.” I told Liam everything the second I got home. I stormed out of Cara and Dani’s place without another word and I don’t have any intention to go back. They’re no good for me; I can see that now. At least, Cara isn’t, but I’m sure Dani will take her side anyway.
It just sucks because no matter how shitty, they were my only friends. I’ve lost them, my family is falling apart, and the way Liam is looking at me right now tells me he’s about to say he’s not mad, just disappointed, as if we all don’t know that’s so much worse.
“Lithium can make cocaine less effective, that’s why you weren’t feeling the full high. You’re lucky you didn’t overdose.” My blood runs cold as the words sink into my brain.
“Well, I’m officially done with it. All of it. The drugs, the drinking…my friends. None of it seems fun anymore.”
“I’m glad you had this revelation, but I’m upset at the way you had to discover it. You had me worried sick last night, Flynn. You didn’t call or text. I can’t do that. I’m too old to play games. If you’re going to be a
