Henry looked up from my hands, and his blue eyes widened. For a second, he just stared at me, and then he gave me the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen.
“You really mean that?”
“I do, Little Boy. I would never lie to you.”
“You’re a Daddy.”
“I am.” Henry looked at me like he had just discovered the holy grail or the existence of unicorns. He was so adorable. “And you’re a Little.”
It took him a moment before he shook his head and signed his answer, “I am. But I’m damaged. No Daddy would ever want me.”
Before I could respond, Des came over and put a sippy cup in front of Henry and a glass of iced tea in front of me. I thanked him, and then I looked at Henry again. He wore the same pained expression when he tried to leave the bar. What the hell had happened to this poor Boy that he kept insisting that he was broken or damaged?
Whatever it was, this would end now. I had to touch his shoulder a couple of times to get him to look up again, before I signed, “I don’t want you to talk about yourself like that. You are neither broken nor damaged, Henry. We just established that I am a Daddy and that I would never lie to you”. My next sentence could have him run away, I knew that, but I needed him to understand my feelings. “I would be honored to discuss becoming your Daddy.”
For a long moment, I held my breath, fearing that he would just get up and leave, but he just sat there staring at me. Then he whispered something that sounded suspiciously like unicorn and raised his shaking hands.
“I’m deaf.”
“I told you that my sister is deaf, too. That doesn’t make me love her less, Henry. Or respect her less. Do you think I would think less of a Little because he is deaf?” I could see him thinking about my words. Then he reached for the sippy cup, peeked up at me, and took a sip from his juice before he lowered his cup to free his hands.
“What about diapers?” he signed.
“Are you asking if I’m into it?” I waited, and after a long moment, he nodded, so I continued, “I think it’s the most intimate way to take care of a Little, and I love that kind of intimacy. It is an honor that a lot of Daddies don’t get to experience.”
“But…” Henry started, but then lowered his hands.
I patiently waited for him to gather up the nerve to keep going. When he did, he observed my face, and I realized that he was waiting for a reaction, so I kept my face straight and just watched his hands. My experience with hurt and troubled souls taught me how to school my responses. Being upset could come later, but Henry needed me to be unflinching at that moment. He started to sign clumsily.
“When I was fourteen,I had an accident that ruptured my bladder. The doctors repaired what they could, but it does not work properly, and I need to wear diapers all the time.”
Ah, the other medical conditions, Des had mentioned. The look on his face pushed every Daddy button I had. This Boy feared my reactions. He fully expected me to say that he was right and to leave him. Oh, this sweet Boy had no idea that was not how this would work. Now that I had gotten to know him leaving wasn’t an option. It wasn’t who I was.
“Do you use them for all your needs or just for your bladder?”
“Just bladder. I use the toilet for everything else. But my blood doesn’t clot properly because I don’t have a spleen.”
Very confidently, I signed, “I still haven’t heard how you’re broken or damaged.” I shrugged my shoulders.
His hands flew as he signed, “How can you say that? I’m deaf, I can’t pee on my own, and I have…other issues.”
Nodding my head, I processed what he had signed. I made sure he watched my hands and signed, “Henry, tell me what you think a Daddy does. What is his role?” That caught him by surprise. He sat there, blinking at me for a moment.
“A Daddy is a caregiver. A Daddy takes care of his Little, in every way possible. He loves him and cherishes him,” he signed slowly and deliberately.
“Why do you think that any of your issues would keep a real Daddy from taking care of you? From cherishing you or doting affection on you?” I signed my question.
“Because there are Littles better than me,” he signed, and his hands started to shake again.
My arms ached to reach over and hold him, but I needed to sign my answer. I reached out and caressed his cheek and then squeezed his shoulder before I signed my response.
“I think you’re a perfect Boy, Henry. Do you have a safeword, or do you want to use the traffic lights?”
“I prefer traffic lights. Why?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Des approaching us with our food and went all-in with Henry.
“Can you read lips?”
Henry frowned but nodded.
“Good. Then I want you to come here and sit on my lap while I feed you. Let me show you that no matter what, you’re still able to be a perfect Boy for a Daddy.”
I held my breath, and I waited for his answer. But I didn’t get one. Instead, Henry jumped up, rushed around the table, and threw himself on my lap.
Oh, my sweet, needy Boy.My sweet Boy? Oh, I’m in so much trouble.
My heart had already claimed him. Des smirked at me as he placed our food in front of us, but I ignored him and held Henry.
Henry watched me as I put some lasagna on the fork and blew on it. He was fidgeting with his
