Jim had no words left in his mind. No prayers. He needed his faith more than another breath in that moment. He’d lost the connection… What could he do without it? Where could it have gone? Now, when he needed it more than ever, where was it?
Jim knew she would come with him. Good, decent Kathy couldn’t refuse him. “Of course. Yes, that would help me too.”
Of course, it would. Kathy was so pious. So deserving. God must always be proud of her because she was always doing things to please God.
Not like Jim. He had to work very hard to keep his faith alive and God in his heart. He tried to be good and lead others. He tried to atone for his past by how he lived and helped others now. But nothing could erase the harm. The things he’d witnessed tainted him. Forever. He was unclean and nothing could ever sanitize him.
Not even God.
When Jim asked Kathy to pray, she wasn’t surprised. She said a lovely prayer for all of them. Eric. Him. Rob. Herself. The church congregation. All who were affected. Even the gunman, who was really no more than a boy, after he paid the ultimate price for his reckless act.
Kathy would forgive him. Someday. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. That was who Kathy was.
He hoped her moral compass would keep him accountable. Keep him behaving. It was selfish and bound to lead him into hell because it would hurt her. No one deserved happiness more than Kathy. And the only one to make her happy was Eric.
Damn. He had to let her go.
And be completely alone. Untethered. Tied to no one.
Except the church. That’s all he had left.
They sat side by side. Both were contemplative. At peace with each other, as so many times before. Jim knew this was the last time. He had to say goodbye to her.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes.” She rose to leave and he followed her out of the small chapel. He turned towards her, bracing himself to end it, but in truth, she long ago left him for Eric. Feeling too confused to own it, Kathy didn’t act on her newfound feelings. The connection between Kathy and her bodyguard was visibly deeper than what Jim shared with her.
Seeing her with someone else revealed what she lacked with him.
In good conscience, he could not marry her. They didn’t connect enough although they both liked each other very much. Kathy was already familiar with guilt and regret. Jim didn’t want that for her. Being the kindest person he knew, he had to release her from a commitment that wasn’t right to begin with.
He used Kathy to become the man he wanted to be. But that wasn’t her job. He didn’t love her the way Eric did.
So the kindest thing to do was let her run to Eric without any guilt or strings leftover from Jim. There was so much missing between her and Jim that it was unfair to both of them.
Jim was not happy about being left with no one, however.
Kayla listened to Kathy and Jim’s break-up without an ounce of regret or shame. They were in the hallway when Kayla came around, looking for Kathy at the small hospital chapel. She intended to check on her, but as they stepped out, Jim was talking and it turned out right. He seemed to know what should happen. The confusion Kathy felt didn’t seem to be shared by Jim.
Kayla felt bad for him, but she also knew it was time, and it would eventually work out to make them both happier.
Jim was almost shot today at his own church. He lost his fiancée to the man who saved his life. It was hard for Kathy, so she couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for him. But Jim sounded sharper in his tone and the deep timbre returned as he spoke to Kathy. Sadness? Loneliness? Something made him sound so vulnerable and lost, like she never imagined coming from Jim.
Kathy left the room. Kayla peeked in to find Jim staring at where Kathy disappeared to.
She couldn’t just leave him so dejected.
He turned to go back into the chapel but stopped when he noticed Kayla.
“You were listening to us?”
“Yes.”
His gaze faded and a sudden weariness seemed to drag his entire body towards the ground. There was no feisty anger or flashing of his dark eyes at her. She loved when they sparkled with disapproval. And now, he should have shown that. Losing Kathy was hurtful and wrong.
“You did the right thing.”
His body seemed to deflate and he turned from her, entering the small chapel and simply collapsing onto a back pew. He rubbed his hands over his face. “She was going to do it anyway.”
“You knew that?”
“I’m not completely oblivious.”
She bit her lip. Well, actually there were a few times he was. But this wasn’t one of them, thankfully. “She likes Eric.”
“Yeah. You heard I knew. I know.”
“But she told you the truth. I’d have skipped the confessional part that really didn’t concern you.”
“Because she is still the best person I know.”
“She told me the night it happened.” Kayla added.
“And what did you do? Tell her to dump me?”
“Never,” she hissed, remembering how much he was hurting. Jim was lost. He just got dumped. They both understood that but Kayla figured it out a long time ago. “I would never do anything to hurt her. I adore her. She is the best person I know and I only want her to be happy. You and she were not a good match. But she didn’t yet know it. She tried to deny what she felt with Eric. It was too confusing for her.”
“Well, you’re far more experienced. How did you clarify that for her?”
“I told her to seek the truth. Not to tell you—”
“Shocking that you’d advise her to hide such an act while she’s engaged to—”
“Shut up. I’m trying to be nice to you. You need
