“She does? I would have sworn she never listened to me.”
“Oh, she listened. She knew she was naïve and you weren’t. I thought you were working to destroy us from your place as her confidante. I obviously knew you disliked me and didn’t approve of us. Or want her to marry me. I would picture all the things you told her. Things you might plant in her head to notice about me. So I guess I disliked you at first. A lot.”
“I never did any of that. No, that’s not true. I did question her when she told me you never did more than kiss her. I gently offered my advice, as it was Kathy, and said perhaps the shared celibacy thing until marriage was a bit extreme for two people in love.”
His jaw ticked. “We agreed to abide by certain traditional beliefs.”
“Yes.” She didn’t mean to get bogged down in this particular conversation. But here they were. “I get what you both wanted. You wanted to wait until you were married. But it seemed like there should be some type of sexual temptation to break that promise. Maybe not even breaking it, just a desire to break it. Since neither of you seemed to find it hard to keep your celibacy, I worried that either one or both of you were not really in love.”
“Obviously, she wasn’t, so you were right,” Jim scoffed bitterly.
“And…” she continued as if he hadn’t rudely interjected, “vice versa. I wondered the same thing about you towards her. That part was never personal but I wanted Kathy to be happy and fulfilled. If you were the one who made her happy, I’d have made my peace with it. I would have ignored how I felt about you personally and sucked it all up because I was so happy for her. I always supported her choices. But I didn’t get that feeling from her. So I gently nudged her to notice and think about her decision before she committed to it. If she decided the lack of chemistry between you two was something she wanted, I’d have shut my mouth. If she decided she could not be with Eric, I would have shut up too. So you’re wrong, I never bad-mouthed or undermined you.”
“I always thought you did.”
“I can see why but I didn’t.” She finished her drink and the warmth flowed through all of her. “And to be honest, I think you liked our constant clashes. I think you liked telling me what you really thought. No, I think you loved sparring with me. I think it’s the closest you came to revealing yourself to anyone around here, Kathy included. Even she doesn’t know the real you, does she? Who you are when you’re not being Pastor Jim?”
“I don’t fake my persona. Your sarcastic Pastor Jim stuff? That is me.”
“Oh. Yes. You’re right. Part of you. But what about the other part? I was the dog on your whipping post. The person you could let all your stress out on. The constant tasks of being so formal, polite, and good. You know, Pastor Jim. But I think I got to know just Jim.”
He lifted and turned his head to study her as she spoke. She swallowed her odd feelings that climbed up her throat and left her in a lump of nerves. As she spoke, she realized the truth. She got the honest Jim, also the grumpy, rude, contrary and argumentative Jim. It hadn’t occurred to her until now, how strange their dislike for each other was, how deep it ran, but also, how honest he could be with her.
“I do enjoy disliking you and proving you wrong,” he finally admitted without a break in his solemn expression. His gaze was glued to hers. She was being held hostage by it. It seemed to impale her. Something weird and new jolted through her. “I guess I liked it too. I mean, proving you wrong was the part I liked.”
Why was Kayla Randall in his apartment? She disoriented him. After the events of the day and his enervated reaction to them, he felt depleted. Lost. Yeah, vulnerable. And all alone.
He tried to drown his sorrow with alcohol. Literally. She didn’t realize how drunk he was. Jim could hide it. Always managed to. Kathy never caught on. Jim could hold his liquid refreshment far better than most people.
Not something he was particularly proud of, but there it was. Sometimes, it was the only thing to banish the thoughts that tripped through his brain. It also soothed the guilt for his failings. His predilections. His wants.
Suddenly, he seemed to want the woman beside him. Sitting on his couch, right now. Kayla.
He shut his eyes. No. Not Kayla.
He just wanted a woman. It had been so long. Years. He was no longer engaged to a saint and he just wanted to have sex.
After watching Eric get shot today, maybe his ideals seemed hollow. He wanted proof of life. To know he was still alive.
But no. No! He was done with all that. The weakness. The sins. The WRONG doing. He no longer followed the wrong path.
But his desire was so strong. And she was so pretty. So soft and she smelled good. She was there.
She kept talking about things like knowing him. Seeing him. Caring about him. That she came to his house when no one else thought he needed checking up on. She startled him. She surprised him.
She also pleased him.
Her concern was not altogether unwelcome, although an hour ago, he’d have scoffed at anyone saying that. His reality was already altered. The shooting. The broken engagement. And now, Kayla?
There were moments when Kayla looked like Kathy. They were sisters after all. The three Randall sisters shared the same hair color in varying shades, styles and lengths. Kayla was by far the edgiest and most stylish sister. She seemed breezy, looking casual but sexy.
Kayla’s face wasn’t as round and soft and sweet as Kathy’s. Kayla’s
