Kayla would be gone soon and out of his space so he could figure out what to do. With the rising sun, he started back home. He was freezing. Tired. Depressed. And hung over. He grabbed a coffee from an all-night fast food joint. Sipping it, he entered his apartment building with a sigh as he opened his front door, relieved to find it unlocked.
Then he froze.
She was still there? Right where he left her. Curled up on the end of his couch with her head resting on the armrest, she was sound asleep. It never occurred to him she’d stay.
What now?
He could run again. But he had to face her. Eventually. At least his brain was unfogged now and free from grief and shock. He was still tired, but not feeling so out of body and strange as he was yesterday.
Kayla didn’t wake when Jim entered. He didn’t know what to do. No woman he slept with before stayed after the sex was over. They always left. The night was done. How unusual.
Kneeling beside her on the floor, he stared at her for a long moment. She was really pretty. There was no denying that. The soft sweep of her dark lashes made her look very young and the freckles dusting her nose and cheeks were endearing. Her breath was regular. Her hair tousled.
He reached out to touch her before quickly withdrawing his hand. He had no rights to her. He didn’t want a relationship. Never mind that he touched her already. Everywhere.
Everywhere.
He gulped hard as his hand landed on her shoulder. He didn’t shake her but caressed her gently and said, “Kayla?”
She stirred and blinked her eyes several times. Confusion momentarily filled her face and then he saw it all register into meaning. She jogged her memory.
Flipping upright, she asked, “Where did you go?”
“Out.”
“Were you gone all night?”
“Yeah.”
“To avoid seeing me?” Her voice was filled with disbelief. Hurt. Embarrassment.
“I don’t know. I was drunk and…”
She shut her eyes as she pushed her hair behind her ears. “Don’t you dare say that was because you were drunk, as if I’m a drunken mistake.”
“No, I wasn’t going to. I—I don’t know what to say.”
Her eyes opened and her gaze landed sharply on him. “Besides, you weren’t that drunk.”
“I was actually. I know how to hide it pretty well.”
She tilted her head, taking in that information. “Do you drink like that often?”
He had sex with her on his couch and then he ran off. She knew he wasn’t what he pretended to be. He wasn’t the Pastor Jim that his congregation and the rest of society knew. Why hide his true identity? She was the only person he felt like he didn’t have to hide it from. He nodded. “Yes.”
She digested that morsel of knowledge. “Kathy didn’t know?”
“No. No clue. Of course not.”
“She thinks you don’t drink at all.”
“Yes.”
“Are you an… an… well… I mean, is it a problem?”
He shrugged, grinding his heel absently into the carpet. “I don’t like to drink all the time. I just sometimes… I guess I binge on it. Then I don’t do it again for a long time.”
She licked her lips. “So it is a problem?”
Kayla never let things go at face value. That annoyed and frustrated him. She never let something go if she wanted to know more about it. The truth was her favorite thing to pry out of anyone, especially Jim. He admired it in her too. That’s how they ended up here, like this.
“I don’t know.”
“But you’re not saying it’s not a problem though?”
“No.”
Shame filled him. Of course, it was wrong and also a problem if he were so desperate to hide it.
“You’re no virgin either.”
He leaned back and rose to his feet, keeping his back to her. “No.”
“Did you cheat on Kathy?”
“Never.”
She became silent and he heard her rustling around as she got up.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I was drunk. You were here. I’m sorry.”
Cold. Rude. Honest. And truthful.
He ran his hand along his neck and looked away while massaging the muscles there. “I just… I need to sleep. Could we possibly shelve this conversation until later?”
Sitting on the tip of her tongue was her need to talk about it. She wasn’t drunk last night. Now she was unsure if she were sorry or what. In fact, her confusion about the whole incident left her not knowing quite what to say.
Jim preferred to spend the night outside, all alone in the dreary cold, on the streets rather than stay with her. The crazy part was he failed to realize what a slap in the face that was to Kayla.
Everything inside her said not to allow him to shelve her. Nearly recoiling at his dismissive and insulting reaction to her now, when he was the one who instigated the whole scene, and shocked by his desire to initiate the sex, no matter how spectacular it turned out to be, was very strange coming from a man who hadn’t done more than kiss his fiancée.
Her sister, Kathy.
Kayla had slept for a few hours but was as discombobulated as Jim right now.
Then guilt ripped into her. Had she somehow betrayed Kathy? No telling anyone about this, just in case. Which meant she had no one to ask for advice or just to vent with. Usually, that person was Kathy, but for obvious reasons, not this time.
“Do you think I betrayed my sister somehow? I mean, I know she and you aren’t together anymore, but that was last night. Everything happened last night.” She pressed her hand to her mouth, looking more confused. Her brain was fuzzy and her stomach empty. The acid started to rise up her throat.
“No.” Jim’s tone was harsh, simple and crystal clear.
She kind of felt guilty though. But obviously, Jim offered her nothing emotionally with him.
Weariness crashed into her with the force of a bagful of concrete being swung at her temple. The church shooting, the pool of
