Her eyes rounded. “Oh… oh, wow. Not what I expected from you.”
“Why?” He tried to keep busy serving the aromatic pizza. “Because I’m so terrible with women? True. That is the truth. I don’t know how I managed to cross the line with you, now that we have.”
Her hands were on top of his and his heart skipped a beat as his chest swelled. Everything about Kayla resulted in extreme physical reactions from him that felt so intense but were also very confusing. Oh, damn. “That aloof, disdainful thing you do is kind of hot. It annoys me to say it, but the way you ignore me before you look at me like I’m an exotic dessert you’re dying to devour, but you know you shouldn’t… well, it’s pretty potent. But realize this, feeling like I want you, and then I hate you, is only sexy for a short amount of time. It changed the dynamic between us, but it is not the model that can sustain whatever is going on now.”
“The model that can sustain whatever is going on now?” He raised his eyebrows. “Now who sounds high-brow?” Teasing her, he handed her a slice of pizza.
She gave him a look. “Did you hear my message?”
“Loud and clear. Despite changing the dynamic between us, I can’t be so…”
“So put out that I’m the one that you desire and want the most. Correct?”
Flopping down beside her with the warm pizza slice in his hand, he took a bite before he said, “Do you actually doubt any guy would not desire you? Have you looked in the mirror lately? That has never been the issue. Not even when I was…” Sensing the direction of his words, he clamped up and finished, “Even when I first met you.”
“I thought I caught you looking at me a few times, but later decided I imagined it.”
He chewed while shooting her an annoyed look. “Oh, you caught me, all right. I tried hard to hide it. How you missed the blush that reddened my face when I tried to make my mind as blank as I could is beyond me.”
“So you’re not totally a saint, Pastor Jim?” She gave him a little shoulder bump as she took a giant bite of her pizza. Seeing her mouth form a round O made all kinds of sensations roil in Jim’s stomach and lower.
“If you knew the thoughts I had about you… Well, unfortunately it’s sad to see how far from being a saint I truly am.”
Chewing away, she swallowed and tipped her head toward him. “I’ve dated many men and you are the least offensive and the most proper. I mean, so what if you aren’t a saint? That means you really don’t need to behave like one. Being a decent guy will get you much more notice and appreciation.”
“Do you think my congregation will see me that way? Flipping from one sister to the next on the very same night? The first sister being the role model that they know and love as our music director? It doesn’t exactly look too good.”
“We—”
“I know. It wasn’t like that. We both know that. Even Kathy would agree with us. But they won’t know it. People assume things even when they’re wrong and we won’t be able to stop that narrative. I struggle with that.”
Kayla bit off more and chewed before drinking from the can of pop she opened. Then she set everything down on the coffee table. “Fair enough, I see how that could appear to strangers. But what I really need most now is for you to get over it. Put all of that aside until a different date. For now, perhaps you could quit acting like I’m an accident that you bumped into in the middle of the night. You don’t have to be a saint. You just have to decide if it’s over with me or not.”
“I can’t stay away from you.”
Her face was streaked with heat and color. It often happened when Jim mentioned anything remotely tied to them being together. She wasn’t as worldly as Jim first predicted. “I feel the same. But I don’t treat you like a tragic mistake each time it happens. Or something to be ashamed of. That gets old fast. I don’t like that feeling.”
“You’re right. I need to do better. I do want to keep seeing you as we have been. If we can figure this out without others knowing anything.”
“In secret?”
“Yes.” He met her gaze directly. Honesty was all he had to offer. Even if it couldn’t entirely explain what he did or how he acted.
She nodded. “Okay, I can deal with that. Considering your job, and the delicacy of the situation that sounds super bad and tricky but which is actually not. Still, we can’t stop the scandal of it. Even if we aren’t being scandalous. Right?”
Her legs concealed beneath her, she was staring at him eagerly in need of reassurance. Not something he could have pictured before, not with the Kayla he knew as Kathy’s scornful big sister. Taking Kathy out of the equation showed him an entirely new Kayla. Never insecure, but much more agreeable and ready to work like partners than he expected. Once, he would have predicted her to be a bossy girlfriend. The ruling voice in any couple and that was that. No compromises. No vacillation. Not that they were ready to refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, much less, a couple. But they were no longer merely friends. Kayla cared very much about how he felt toward her.
He leaned forward and took her chin in his hand, kissing her lips for a long time. She fell against him, shutting her eyes and puckering her lips. When he released her, she blinked a few times. Adorable wasn’t the right word to describe her then, although she was adorable now. “Right. We’re good and decent together. We just had
