“No. Definitely no. Ooh, that’s gross. No. I really thought he was weird, intense, and too serious. I assumed he was a total dork who was way too scared to even touch a boob. He annoyed the living shit out of me and I loved to give it back to him. No, I didn’t want him. Not until the exact moment that it happened. I don’t think he was interested in me either. Really. Kathy, it wasn’t like we were waiting until you were out of the way so we could finally do it. It only occurred to both of us when it actually happened. And I’m sorry. I know the code of sisterhood and all was broken in a million ways by this. But it was never intentional. Once it started, all of it grew exponentially, including our emotions and now it’s very strong.”
“You and Jim? You never wrested any true romantic feelings from sex. Not with any man.”
Kayla shut her eyes, feeling tired before finally flopping onto the recliner across from them. “I do now.”
“Oh… wow,” Kathy said softly.
“Are you mad?” Kayla asked.
“No. Just shocked and confused. Still getting caught up, but why the sudden dramatic delivery now? You’re acting all panicked and weird and…”
“He’s in trouble now and I don’t know what to do. This is time sensitive and you need to know the whole story to understand before you can help. I am betraying his confidence by telling you. But I don’t know what else to do. And I… I really need you.”
Kathy pressed her lips together tightly. “Then tell us. If you need me and Jim does too… then you have to tell us.”
Finally. Kayla could allow someone else to take control. Who knew the once mousy Kathy would fill the bill? There were other ways to show strength and leadership, Kayla realized. Jim’s story poured out of her and she began with the young Jim and his many surnames, to the acts of pedophilia he knew his father indulged in, to hiding in the woods and trying to survive, to the Zavarians, to Jimmy finding him and running away again. She tried to explain how Jim felt about women and sex, and his claim and paranoia that the evil of Jimmy was somehow emerging through him. Then she told about Jim finding Christianity. In contrast to the cult on which he was raised, Kayla explained how much of a difference Jim discovered in God and a new morality. He had no way to learn it before. No boundaries to live by. But finally, he found his path and went all in. Practicing celibacy, abstinence and striving for perfection as a man of God, Jim hoped his congregation would approve. His goal was to make up for his father’s depravity. Not just for the believers who wasted their money on him, but mostly for those young, helpless boys.
Kayla finally told them about last night when she discovered him passed out on the bender. She explained that he did it because Jimmy tracked him down after the publicity of the shooting. When she told them that Jimmy threatened to blackmail him, Kathy and Eric looked as shell-shocked as she felt.
“Holy fuck,” Eric softly said.
Kathy had tears streaming down her face. “I had no idea. None at all.”
“You were never supposed to. Your friendship with him probably taught him more about social relationship norms than anything else. He had no lessons. Don’t beat yourself up. No regrets either. He needed you in ways I couldn’t begin to know how to fill.”
“But he loves you?”
“I don’t have a clue. He’s lost. And scared. And hurt. He doesn’t trust me yet. He thinks he’s tainted and that others believe he is too. I mean, look at what the Zavarians did.”
“Yeah. They abandoned him in his hour of need. Maybe he’s trying to abandon me, you guys, the church, and his pastorship before it all gets contaminated. Now I need your help to figure out what to do. So I came to the only place I knew I could find the answer. He might not forgive me. But I can’t help him all by myself.”
“You did the right thing. We’ll figure it out together.” Eric’s calm tone had all the confidence and surety she desperately needed.
Kathy tapped a finger on her knee. “I agree. This is much too big for one person. Including Jim. But don’t you see whose help we really need?”
“Whose?”
“Rob’s. Mom’s too. But Rob is a recovering alcoholic. He’ll know what to do and say about the bender. That’s pretty extreme behavior, Kayla. I spent a lot of time with Jim and never once did he do that when we were together. He needs help. Not only for an addiction that he’s using to cope with the truly horrific things he witnessed from his own father, but for that too. Jim needs to speak to a professional and Rob is that person.”
Her heart dropped as a wave of relief flowed through her. She agreed but could not commit to the strategy. “He’ll never forgive me. He hates Rob.”
“I’m sure it’s mutual. But that might change. However, you might not come out of this with him still liking you. Do you accept the possible consequences if you choose to do this?”
“I have to,” she whispered. Her head dropped in defeat and her heart was hurting.
Kathy came over to her, taking her hand and hugging her. “You really do care about him.”
“Yes.”
Eric lumbered to his feet. “I do too. And fuck that pedophile trying to ruin his excellent reputation. I’ll bury him first. We’ll figure this out together, Kayla. We will. And Rob might be the best counselor for the drinking. It sounds pretty drastic, so it calls for drastic
