After a long while, she released him. “You look exhausted.”
“Got a headache you wouldn’t believe and I doubt you’d give me sympathy for.”
She couldn’t resist the empathy she felt at seeing the fatigue in his eyes. “Go to sleep. I’ll call you later, okay? I have to let this all sink in.”
He wearily rose to his feet as she simply jumped up. Head hanging, he turned towards his bedroom but said, “I’m sorry, Kayla. For all of this. I should have told you everything from the start so you knew what you were getting into. It was wrong and I knew it. I just felt so much emotion for you. I handled it badly. It wasn’t on purpose. I swear. I never dreamed I’d fall for you like I have. You deserve so much better than this and I’m sorry for acting and sounding so strange. I have no real excuse except I was scared of everything; telling you or having anyone else find out was my worst nightmare.”
Her breath hitched. “It was? And now?”
His gaze scanned her from her forehead to her toes. Eyes sad and head shaking, he pressed his lips together. “Losing you is my worst nightmare.”
Her heart stilled and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she blinked to keep in her burning tears. “Funny, that feels like my line now.”
“Tell me, please, I haven’t lost you yet. Let me know… that we’ll talk more…”
She nodded and turned to hide her wet eyes. “We’ll talk. When you’re feeling better and I’ve had a chance to process all of this.”
“Okay.”
It was not okay. It was all the opposite of okay. His tone was as sad and woebegone as her dipping heart. But then, no words could honestly make any of this better. She had no words. None. No idea what to do or say.
She needed to talk to someone. Not the person Jim would like knowing that she talked to. But she needed her help and there was no other path forward in her mind’s eye. Kathy. She needed her little sister.
Chapter 14
KAYLA DROVE STRAIGHT TO her sister’s apartment. Eric was there. She burst in without knocking, uncaring what they were doing or what she interrupted.
“I need your help.”
Kathy jumped to her feet off the sofa. “Kayla?”
Eric rose slower, still recovering his full mobility from when he got shot. “Should I leave you two alone?”
She gave him a glance. “No. You can stay. You care about Jim, right? Friends and all now?”
“Yes,” Eric said wearily. No doubt, he was thinking this involved them. She nearly snorted. Their little cheating kiss was nothing to the Jim Zavarian story.
“Sit down. You’ll need to.”
They sat at the same moment. Kayla paced. Stopping, she finally sucked in a breath of air to try and calm her racing heart. “The night of the shooting after Kathy went to see you, Jim stayed at the church. I sat with him. He talked weird. Lonely. I worried… well, I thought he might not be okay. I stopped by his place after I left the hospital.”
“Oh? I had no idea. Was he okay?”
“No. He wasn’t. And this is going to get even weirder real fast.” She stopped pacing and set her hands on her hips. “Listen up. This isn’t about you two. Okay? Or whatever you two are doing. It’s awkward so get over that fact, fast. I need you. I need you to get caught up to today. So when I shock you and you start to react, just save it. It’s so much more than this stuff.”
Kathy’s eyes narrowed. Eric twisted his head to the side. “What did you find?”
“I found Jim drunk.”
“Jim doesn’t drink. Oh, no. We made him do that?”
“Oh, fuck. This is so beyond you two. Or me. It just starts with us. So listen. And remember, it’s not about you. Try to keep up.”
Kathy jolted back, surprised at her sister’s stern chastising. “Okay.”
“He drinks. I didn’t realize until today how drunk he was that night even after he told me because he seemed so normal, I couldn’t really tell. Turns out, he can handle a lot of alcohol. A lot.”
“Wow.” Kathy’s mouth simply dropped open. “Jim?”
“Jim.” Kayla shook her head and soldiered on. “So that night, Jim kissed me. And seconds later, that kiss went crazy. Insane. We had sex before I expected anything like that. Although if I had any doubts, I quickly overcame them.”
“Jim and you…?” Kathy’s mouth gaped open. Her tone was stunned, appalled and kind of offended.
“And you were kissing Eric so don’t even go there.” Kayla sighed at how harsh her voice sounded and pressed on her eyes. That was what Jim did when he felt tired or unsure of what to say. She had to smile a little. Then she stopped and faced her sister. “I’m sorry. That came across bitchy. Jim likes you. Still. He dated you in his effort to find normal. What I’m about to tell you is pretty unbelievable… there wasn’t one thing normal in Jim’s history; and he is not a virgin. Not at all.”
“But he never once tried—”
“Right.”
Kathy squeezed her eyes shut and shuddered. “Oh. He’s gay and I was the cover…”
Kayla almost shrieked. “I just told you we had sex. Hot, crazy, demanding, fantastic, totally well-practiced sex. So no, Jim is not gay. Not in denial. He’s very knowledgeable about sex with a female.”
Eric looked a little green. “What do you need me to stay for?”
Kayla gave him a small smile. “I’m getting there. But first, the uncomfortable part. So yes. We did that. Jim is not gay and not a virgin. He is awkward, weird, and strange about it. You can probably imagine that. He later tried to shun me, but there was something there. Something was really there. Not just sex.”
Kathy didn’t get it. With a sigh, Kayla realized she had to slow down and let Kathy get caught up on all the latest news. “Jim and you? Made
